


To Be Everything And Nothing

by darkroses



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Dark, Dom Dean, Dom John, Dom Lucifer, Dom/sub, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Sam, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Kidnapping, M/M, Master/Slave, Mental Health Issues, Minor Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Murder, Physical Abuse, Sam Winchester and Mental Health Issues, Sexual Abuse, Stockholm Syndrome, Sub Ruby, Sub Sam, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-04-27 22:28:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 43
Words: 62,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5066920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkroses/pseuds/darkroses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where everyone is either a submissive or a dominant, Sam gets his paperwork to find out what he is. He keeps it a secret from his family that ignores him. </p><p>He leaves home at the order of a dominant. His life takes turns he never expected. All Sam ever wanted was to be loved and everything someone needs. </p><p>He doesn't know if he will ever be enough. </p><p>(This starts out with Lucifer and Sam. Then later on it is focused on Gabriel and Sam. This is not a happy story line. It will be updated randomly as I am super busy right now.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sam felt terrible. He needed something, he just didn’t know what. His testing came back today to reveal whether he was a submissive or a dominant. Everyone was classified as one or the other. He knew he didn’t have to tell anyone but he thought he should. Sam knew his dad would be asking about it later. He knew he owed his father an answer.

He sighed and walked the short distance to the motel. He opened the door to the motel carefully. Sam could hear his dad and Dean discussing a case. He walked over to his bed that he shared with Dean and dropped his backpack down on his side. Sam stared at his backpack for a moment and he wondered if he should just blurt out the truth or give his father the letter.

Sam also toyed with the idea of not saying anything. He absently picked on the hem of his shirt while he pondered what to do. Both his Dad and Dean were dominants. His dad had some choice things to say about submissives. Not all submissives, but most of the ones they came in contact with. Most of his father’s comments, which Dean laughed at every time, involved how submissives are all sluts and they need to be leashed because they can’t control their whorish behavior. His dad thought submissives should be quiet and treated like a dog. Sam liked speaking his mind to much to be quiet and he definitely was not a dog. He knew that getting collared was an honor or whatever but he didn’t want to be dragged around on a leash or forced to kneel or any of those things. He just wanted to be Sam Winchester without any labels. 

He sat down on his bed without saying a word and pulled out his homework. If nothing else, he could work on his studies. Sam was almost done with his algebra when Dean started playfully poking his head. He batted his brother’s hand away and was irritated, “Dude, leave me alone. I am trying to do my homework.”

Dean gave an innocent face and teased, “I know you got your paperwork today, Sammy. So how does it feel to be a dominant like your dad and big brother?” Sam didn’t say anything to that, even though he was being the stereotypical silent submissive. Dean noticed and jabbed at him, “Oh come on Sammy, it’s not like you got paperwork saying you’re a submissive. God, could you imagine if you were a bitch? Dad and I would have to keep you on a leash to keep you from slutting around.”

Sam slammed his book closed and took a couple deep breaths to calm himself. Through gritted teeth he said, “Dean, I really don’t think it is your business what my paperwork said. I do not want to be defined by that either way. I want to be my own person, whatever that is.”

Dean’s eyes narrowed and Sam knew that Dean didn’t like his secret, but Sam wasn’t about to tell him not now, not ever. Later on that evening while their dad was out getting drunk and Dean was in the bathroom for his evening masturbation session, Sam snuck outside and lit his paperwork on fire. No one would ever know what he was. Sure, it would be on his state paperwork but that information was only released for medical reasons. No one would ever know. He would be safe. He would never be the things his father said about submissives. Sam went on with his life after that day. He listened to his father and Dean complain about submissives.  

He could never tell them. They would hate him. 


	2. Chapter 2

On the history of Sam Winchester’s stupid life choices, this had to be one of them. Sam felt empty inside since getting his paperwork. He took to chatting online with other dominants and he met up with one that insisted on being called Lucifer. He had no idea what they guys real name was but at 17, Sam was intrigued. Lucifer made him want to embrace his submissive side. He wanted to be cherished and loved. Lucifer was offering what Sam longed for.

The man ordered Sam to come home with him. Actually, it was more like threatened after they had met for a night in a motel. The man had taken pictures of him and told him that if he didn’t he would show those pictures to his dad. Sam did not even want to think about what his dad would do if he found about nude pictures. John would probably beat him and he would never know life without a leash again. This looked very much like the whorish behavior his father ranted about, even though Lucifer was his first and only.

Things with Lucifer weren’t that bad. As long as he did exactly as he was told and anticipated things correctly. It had only been two weeks but it felt longer than that. He hardly thought about Dean and his dad at all. Sam was kneeling by the front door of Lucifer’s house, completely naked with his head down. This was the position Sam once rebelled against being in but at the same time, it triggered something inside of him. He felt important.

Sam heard the garage door open and close. He felt his heart rate pick up a little. Then he heard Lucifer open the door. He didn’t look up. He didn’t dare look up. When Lucifer got close to him, Lucifer grabbed Sam by his collar. Lucifer snarled at him, “Stupid slut, I think you need to show me how much you really want to be here with me.”

Sam had no idea what that meant but soon enough he was being dragged down the stairs and into the basement. He knelt on the floor and waited. Sam could see Lucifer digging around the chest of sex toys. The chest seriously looked like something a pirate could keep his treasure in and Sam was certain the chest was big enough to hold his entire body.

He saw Lucifer pick up a giant blue butt plug. Sam started sweating as Lucifer walked over to him and sat the plug down on the floor. He stared at for a moment a little dumbfounded. He wanted to run out the basement door that led to the outside world but he didn’t. He knew that door was locked.

Instead, he listened to what Lucifer had to say. “You are going to sit down on this plug and keep it up your ass for thirty minutes. No stretching. No lube.”

Sam knew they had sex this morning, but Lucifer always took him dry and this plug had to be three times as wide as Lucifer’s dick at its biggest point. He was going to hurt himself. He knew this without any doubt. Still Sam knew he didn’t really have any other choice. Sam slowly and a bit reluctantly pulled himself up to his knees and positioned himself over the plug. He felt the tip press against the taught skin of hole. Sam took a deep breath and lowered himself down on the plug.

To say, this hurt would be an understatement. Sam tried to focus on his breathing and not the burning sensation in his ass. Everything his body and mind was telling him to get off this plug, but Sam didn’t listen to his body or that voice inside his mind telling him not to do this. Sam lowered himself down to the ground with the plug inside of him. He willed away the tears he had forming in his eyes.

Lucifer came over and knelt down by him. He reached around Sam and jostled the plug inside of him. Sam let out of cry of pain. There was no pleasure with this. Lucifer sounded angry when he said, “You are such a worthless whore.” Then Lucifer plopped down on the sofa and flipped on the old television he kept in the basement. 

Sam was in agony. Every time, he moved it hurt more. Time seemed to stand still too. Sam was certain that a commercial he listened to took an hour. Without much thought, the voice in the back of Sam’s mind took over. He lifted himself up off the plug and felt immediate relief. Then he got up and walked away.

Sam went upstairs and he was unsure what to do now. He heard Lucifer following him. Sam knew he would owe him an explanation of some kind. He felt something dribble down his thigh and Sam ran his fingers through it. It was blood. Sam really wasn’t surprised that the plug tore him and he knew the blood wasn’t as bad as it seemed.

Lucifer seemed upset when he reached the dining room where Sam had retreated to. Sam felt vulnerable all of a sudden and he found himself dropping to his knees. Lucifer crouched down in front of him and said softly, “Sam, why did you get off the plug before I told you to?”

Sam thought about lying and decided against it, “I couldn’t handle it.”

Lucifer stroked his cheek gently and said adamantly, “You could and you were doing great. I wanted you to show me how much you love me. I’ve never had someone I love disobey me like that. It hurt me a lot.”

Sam had never in his entire life, with the exception of his grandma he saw once, been told that he was loved. It was something he longed for in his heart and to think he almost threw it all away by not being able to do this one thing seemed stupid. Sam bowed his head and started to cry weakly. He begged, “I’m sorry, Lucifer. I do love you. I am just weak.”

Lucifer nodded his head in agreement. “I know you’re weak. I want you to go back downstairs and I want you to sit down on that plug again. Then I want you to pick out which set of clamps you want me to put on your body for punishment.”

Sam nodded and wiped his tears. He didn’t want to leave the only person that loved him. Sam walked back downstairs and once again lowered himself on the plug. It seemed to go in easier this time even though it hurt terribly. Sam figured blood was easing the way. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

He watched Lucifer take out the different sets of clamps. Sam didn’t have any experience in this area. He didn’t know what half of this stuff was or what it was used for. He knew that clothes pins weren’t bad. They could be painful but Sam was able to breathe through it. The clover clamps hurt like a bastard. Lucifer also pulled out a set of office clamps. Sam had never actually touched an office clamp before.

Sam thought back and figured that the clip to hold clothes would probably be stronger than the clamp to hold paper. A clothespin would have to fight against the wind. An office clamp wouldn’t have wind to deal with. Sam said quietly, “Please use the office clamps on me, Lucifer.”

Lucifer smiled like the devil he was and picked up a small box of office clamps. He sat down on the sofa and Sam shuffled over to him. Lucifer smiled and gathered up the skin around one of Sam’s nipples. Lucifer pulled the skin out slightly, as much as it would give, and attached the clip. Sam jerked a little at the unexpected pain. He gasped. These hurt more than the clothespins or the clover clamps. Lucifer had a look of concentration when he attached another clamp to Sam’s other nipple.

Sam was in agony again. His nipples felt like they are being crushed and ripped off his body. At the same time, his ass was on fire. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take. Sam felt Lucifer reach down and grab Sam’s dick. Sam didn’t try to stop him but he did utter out, “Please don’t.”

Lucifer frowned and said as if it was obvious, “If you love me, then you will let me. I am only showing my love for you.”

Sam nodded and his body jerked when the clamp was attached to his soft penis. He let out a sob when a clamp was attached to each of his balls. Then he felt Lucifer attached a smaller clamp to each of his ears, his eyebrows, and his lips. Sam trembled from the pain. Lucifer got up a moment later and returned with an egg timer. He set it for thirty minutes then he walked away.

Sam counted down each minute on that clock for the first five minutes. Then he felt himself start to drift into a haze of peacefulness. It felt like nothing to could hurt him here and he wanted to stay here forever. After the haze came, the time passed quickly.

It hurt when Lucifer removed the clamps and pulled out the plug. Lucifer didn’t say a word. Sam felt a little dizzy and he wanted to laydown but he was afraid to ask. He felt Lucifer grab hold of his hair and Lucifer pulled out his dick from his pants. He shoved it in Sam’s mouth and fucked him. He didn’t stop when Sam choked and was struggling for air or when the tears started. None of this was new to Sam, it was just Lucifer.

When Lucifer was done, he pushed Sam away in a haste. Sam watched him button up his pants and Lucifer asked, “What will happen if you leave me and tell anyone about this? If you tell someone you met a guy that treated you like the slut you are?”

Sam lowered his head and he recited, “They would lock me up in a mental ward for being crazy. They wouldn’t believe me and they would think I was making it all up.”

Lucifer smiled and sounded pleased, “That’s right little slut. Now go fix me dinner.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is full of triggers.

It was morning. Sam had been with Lucifer for a month now. He had trouble sleeping at night. Sam had to wake Lucifer up with a blow job, every morning at 6:30 exactly. Sam couldn’t set an alarm. He just had to be awake to know. It was easier said than done. Especially for a teenager that liked to sleep. If he failed, then when Lucifer’s alarm would go off, Lucifer would beat Sam as he fucked him. Sometimes, Lucifer beat and fucked him anyways but Sam was going to try to do everything he could to avoid that situation. Sam found it ironic in a way that one of the reasons he went with Lucifer was to avoid getting beaten by his father. Now, he woke up every morning with the fear of Lucifer beating him. Still the fear of what his father would do and having no place else to go outweighed Sam’s fear of Lucifer.

Sam pulled himself under the covers and took Lucifer’s half hard cock in his mouth. He started sucking. Sam knew not to use his hands so he kept his hands behind his back. He shoved the cock all the way down his throat roughly and it made his eyes water. Sam felt Lucifer hardening in his mouth. He hoped he was doing a good job. He didn’t want to get beaten.

All hope of that faded a couple moments later when Lucifer roughly grabbed him by his hair and pulled him up. He laid Sam down on his back and Lucifer positioned himself on top of Sam. The beating started with a couple slaps to Sam’s chest. It was nothing Sam couldn’t handle. Then the fists closed and Lucifer started hitting in earnest. This hurt and Sam had trouble handling it.

Sam did look at Lucifer’s face. It was one of the few times he could without fear of punishment. Lucifer looked focused like a man on some sort of mission of destruction. Sam caught Lucifer’s blue eyes and he knew this was forbidden. Sam quickly looked away but the damage had already been done.

Lucifer spread Sam’s legs and thrust into Sam’s unprepared hole. It was getting easier to take it but his hole was sore. Sam really wanted a break from the daily fuckings. Lucifer put a hand around Sam’s throat and started to apply pressure. He had done this before. Sam knew it would only last a few seconds. He was okay with that. Only this time, Lucifer didn’t let up.

Sam couldn’t breathe and he looked at Lucifer’s face. His dominant looked satisfied with himself. Sam reached up his arms and tried to push Lucifer away. But Lucifer was bigger and stronger than him. It was useless. Sam dug his nails into Lucifer’s back as his lack of oxygen grew painful.

He stared in Lucifer’s eyes as the world faded into darkness. Sam’s last thoughts were, _“So this is how I am going to die. I hope Dean and Dad never find my body.”_

Sam awoke in a haze to getting slapped hard across the face. He blinked his eyes open but couldn’t really focus. He didn’t know where he was, who he was, or what was going on. Sam closed his eyes and let the darkness take him.

When he woke up again he heard voices. One was familiar and one wasn’t. “Nick, what did you do to him?

Lucifer sounded annoyed, “He’s a slave and my property. Is he going to be okay or do I need to finish it?”

Sam wondered what needed to be finished. He couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes to see. The other man spoke, “He’s not getting enough to eat for one. You can’t beat him every day and expect him to just be fine. It doesn’t work like that, Nick. He needs time to heal.”

Lucifer sighed and said angrily, “Why does he have to be so weak and useless?”

The other man sighed, “Let me take him. I will care for him and be a good dominant to him.”

Lucifer replied shortly, “No, he belongs to me.”

The other man replied calmly, “I am going to give him some fluids and leave some pain medication.”

Lucifer laughed, “The slave doesn’t get pain medication.”

Sam drifted back to sleep when he felt a poke in his arm. He dreamed of the ocean. He dreamed of Dean and him swimming on a bright sunny afternoon. He remembered their laughter before he ever had a care in the world.

When he came back to the real world his body hurt. He opened his eyes this time. The room was dimly lit with only a blue light showing from the night stand. Sam could never understand why Lucifer liked colored lights but he never questioned it. He never questioned anything. Lucifer was holding him and Sam felt sick.

He touched Lucifer’s arm and Lucifer kissed the side of his face. Lucifer asked, “How are you feeling, Sam?”

Sam touched his head and grimaced. It felt like his head was going to explode. Sam rasped out, “I hurt. What happened?”

Lucifer hummed for a moment. “You were a bad boy. You passed out while I was choking you as a fucked you.”

Sam remembered a little of that but not much. It was fuzzy. He noticed it was hard to talk when he asked, “How long was I out for?”

Lucifer ran a hand through his hair and Sam melted into the touch. It felt nice. He felt loved. “You’ve been in and out all day. I was worried.” Sam nodded because that made sense. Then Lucifer said, “I fucked you this evening while you were out. It was enjoyable but you are more pleasurable when you’re awake.”

Sam was a little angry about that. Even with his voice being raspy he was angry when he asked, “You fucked me while I was unconscious?”

Lucifer grabbed hold of his nipple and twisted it hard. Sam cried out in pain. Lucifer growled in Sam’s ear. “You do not get tell me what I do and do not do with this body. I own it. If you decide to run, I will personally hunt you down and make sure you spend the rest of your life in the nut house. You’ll be drugged, tortured, and hated by everyone. No one will love you. Is that what you want? To be unloved?”

Sam shook his head and lowered his eyes, “I’m sorry, Lucifer. Please forgive me.”  Lucifer let go of his nipple and smoothed the skin. Sam shuddered and asked, “May I go to the bathroom?” He hated having to ask to do this but it was better than getting punished.

Lucifer stroked his face for a moment before he said, “Yes, Sam.”

Sam got up and found that the world spun when he stood. He kept one hand out toward the wall was he walked to the bathroom. When he got inside, he flipped on the light switch and made his way over to the toilet. He peed. Then he stepped in front of the sink to wash his hands. Sam looked up in the mirror at himself.

The sight of himself caused him to stop washing his hands. His eyes were completely red. The whites of eyes were no longer white. They were bright red. Sam rinsed the soap off of his hands and touched his face tenderly. He didn’t understand how this happened. He was angry but his anger was mostly at himself for not being strong enough for Lucifer. Sam didn’t understand how he could be so weak.

Sam dried his hands and went back to the bedroom. He crawled back in the bed and he asked. “How long did you choke me for?”

Lucifer seemed disinterested, “Until I finished fucking you.”

Sam knew that was probably a few minutes judging by past times when Lucifer took the pressure around his throat on and off. He laid his head down on the pillow and asked, “Why are my eyes red?” He didn’t know if his eyes were red because of the suffocation or not. All Sam knew was that Lucifer could have killed him but didn’t. He thought Lucifer was good because he knew when to stop.

Lucifer frowned and turned away from Sam. “Because you’re weak.” Sam wished he could be strong so he could be everything Lucifer wanted.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be entirely from Dean's point of view and will give some background on Sam's childhood from Dean's perspective.


	4. Chapter 4

_Dean rushed home with his paperwork. To say he was excited was an understatement. He was thrilled. He was worried about what it might say if he was honest with himself. He spent most of his childhood caring for Sammy and he dreaded that his maternal nature toward his brother could have caused him to test as a submissive._

_Luck was on Dean Winchester’s side though. He was a dominant like his father and his grandfathers before him. He was set to carry on the family line of dominant figures. Dean was confident he would be everything his father was and more. He burst into the house they were renting with a grin on his face._

_Dean looked around and saw his dad nursing a beer while watching television. The television was blaring loud but Dean never cared about that. He looked around for Sammy. Dean grinned as he walked back to Sammy’s room. He opened the door to the room carefully. He wanted to sneak up on Sammy. He really wanted to break the great news to his brother and dad at the same time, so he had to pry Sammy out of his room._

_Sam was sitting on his bed with his hands covering his ears. His little brother’s face was red and he was staring at his textbook. Dean frowned and grabbed Sammy’s textbook from his lap. Sam removed his hands from his ears at that point and rubbed his temples. His voice was small, “Dean, please give it back. I have a test tomorrow. I need to study.”_

_Dean took Sam in for a moment. He didn’t know what was eating Sam. He shrugged and tossed the book on the floor. He gave a halfhearted, “Opps.”_

_Sam didn’t make a move for the book. He just sat on the bed and stared at his textbook on the floor. Sam pulled his knees up to his chest and whispered, “I lost my place in the book. I have to study. I don’t want to disappoint my teachers.”_

_Dean did not view this as a big deal. On the list of things he cared about, his teachers were probably close to the bottom. Dean ruffled Sam’s hair and said, “Sam, no one cares. Now come on, I have news that is actually important.”_

_Sam nodded silently and followed Dean out of the room. He couldn’t help but wonder what crawled up Sam’s ass and died. Sam was twelve so maybe it was time that Dean bought him a dirty magazine and lotion. Maybe that would take the edge off. Dean had no idea. His brother’s moods changed with the weather._

_Dean nearly bounced when he walked up to his dad. He cleared his throat and said nervously, “Hey Dad, can I talk to you for a minute? I got my test results back.”_

_John grunted and turned off the television. He asked Dean with a little bit of spite. “So are you a worthless whore?”  
_

_Dean winced at the wording but he wasn’t too concerned about Sammy being submissive. Sammy could hold his own, even if he did get into funks every now and then. Dean cleared his throat again and said happily, “No Dad, I am a dominant just like you.” Dean smiled brightly.  
_

_John nodded and tossed his beer bottle on the table. He ran his face over his hands and sounded a little better. “Good, that is good Dean. I was worried about you having the possibility being a whore. We would just have to take precautions if you were a sub. You’re far too pretty for your own good. At least as a dominant, the subs will obey you. Just don’t screw every slut that throws herself at you. You have to be stronger than that and show your strength.”_

_Dean nodded and glanced back at Sam. He noticed that his brother had shrunk back into the corner of the room._

Dean blinked his eyes at the memory. It was one of the happiest days of his life, but looking back Dean knew there was something wrong with Sammy. He couldn’t pinpoint what exactly. Sammy was the most dominant person that Dean knew. Sammy was always butting heads with their dad. Sam was mean to most of the kids at school if they said something he didn’t like or tried to bully him. Sam had a sharp tongue and he wasn’t afraid to use it. Sam knew answers for nearly everything. Knowing the answer was a trait of being a dominant. The submissive looked to their dominant for answers. Or at least that is how Dean viewed it.

Sam’s behavior was always bizarre though and Sam just disappearing one day without so much as a note was unnerving to Dean. Sam didn’t pack his bags either. All Sam had with him was his backpack which after inventorying Sam’s belongings only contained one change of clothes. Still, Dean didn’t think Sam just ran away like his dad thought. Something was off. Sam, even though he was seventeen, had a stupid baby doll he slept with. When Sam was upset and their dad wasn’t around he would hold the dumb doll. The doll was left behind.

Dean knew the doll was Sam’s only constant friend. It was sad when Dean thought about it now and he had heard Sam talking to the doll like it was human on numerous occasions. But Sam never really got the chance to make friends. Their dad was always busy getting drunk or leaving. And Dean knew he wasn’t much better, especially as he got older. He just didn’t want to be around his annoying little brother and unlike Sam, Dean could make social contacts easily.

Dean picked up the baby doll which now resided in his duffel. He asked the doll, “Where did Sammy go?” Of course the doll provided no answer and the smile on the doll’s face made Dean want to bash its head in. Now was not the time to be smiling.

Dean tossed the doll back into his bag. The rest of Sam’s stuff was in a storage unit. Dean kept the doll with him just in case Sammy came home. He wanted to be able to give Sammy his prized doll.

He realized that if Sam found some submissive and ran off, the doll represented quite possibly the least dominant thing in the universe and the less Sam took the easier it would be for Sam to get the slip on their dad, who could find anyone. Dean nodded his head and sighed. Sam was probably living under a bridge somewhere with some little sub or maybe she was loaded and he was living in luxury while she tended to his every need.

Some older subs liked that. They liked to find a young dominant like Sammy and let him rock their world for a while. Dean knew he had been and still was approached by many subs looking for that. He declined on principle but Sam could be foolish enough to accept. It would get Sam out of the life he hated. Sam would finally be able to have that peace and quiet he always wanted. Worst of all, Dean knew Sam was a little naive to the ways of the world. It was his dad’s and his fault for keeping Sam locked in motel rooms and never allowing Sam the chance to explore.

Still Dean had to formulate a plan to find Sam and get him away from his sugar sub. He just had no idea where to start looking for Sam. His dad’s tracking turned up with nothing. Not even a trace. Dean thought that maybe they had to this the old fashioned way.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been two months. Sam still didn’t really miss Dean or his dad. He thought about them sometimes but he didn’t really miss them as such. Lucifer told him a lot how much worse things would be with his family. He told him how they weren’t even looking for him and that they hated him. Sam didn’t know why, but he believed Lucifer.

Of course, Lucifer had been the only person he was allowed to speak to. Sam had seen other people but he wasn’t allowed to speak to them. He learned the hard way not to speak. The onetime he said thank you to the cashier at the grocery store, he was beaten and locked in a cage for a day. Sam didn’t make that mistake again.

Sam wasn’t sure what to make of his eyes. They were still discolored but the red was fading into pink with red lines traveling through where the whites of his eyes once were. Now he just looked like a drug addict. Sam noticed that he had trouble recalling certain things and his memory was spotty at best. He had done some research and found that his eyes were red because of asphyxiation. It meant he was close to death because the blood vessels in his eyes burst. Lucifer called Sam overly dramatic when Sam brought up his findings. However, Sam did notice that Lucifer stopped choking him after that day.

Sam was given the task today of draining the hot tub of water. Lucifer wanted to put in fresh water. Sam had never cared for such a thing before and he never knew anyone that had one in their backyard until he met Lucifer. He wasn’t really sure what he was doing. Lucifer gave him a pump to get the water out. Sam dropped the pump in and watched the water spill out onto the ground. This seemed easy enough.

Then the water got down to about a quarter inch in the bottom. The pump was slowly sucking it out and it sounded like the pump had to try harder to work. Sam left the pump on and went to find Lucifer. He wanted to know if there was anything else he should do. He found Lucifer trimming the bushes in the front yard.

Sam was hesitant to speak, but he found his voice. “Lucifer.. Sir, the water is almost out of the hot tub and I am not sure what to do. The pump doesn’t seem to be working as well anymore.”

Lucifer’s face darkened with anger. He sneered at Sam, “You left the pump on?” It wasn’t really a question. It was more of statement. Sam lowered his head and Lucifer took off on a light jog to the backyard. Once there, Lucifer yelled at him. “You are going to burn out the pump. How can you be so stupid? Do you not know anything?”

Sam really had nothing to say to that. Lucifer turned off the pump and put it on the ground. Then he took the hose and started refilling the tub. Sam stared at his feet. Lucifer growled at him. “Get in the house and take off your clothes.” Sam obeyed. He stripped as soon as he entered the house and Lucifer dragged him down to the basement.

Sam knelt on the floor while he listened to Lucifer yell at him. It reminded him of his father’s yelling though he couldn't remember his father's words. Sam cowered slightly where he knelt because he felt like a failure and he couldn’t do anything right. His dad never thought he could do anything right. Lucifer never thought he could do anything right. Dean thought he did things right sometimes, but Dean was wrong and Dean wasn't here. Lucifer said Dean didn't care about him. Sam heard the chest of toys open and Sam was legitimately afraid now.

He watched as Lucifer pulled out a flogger made out of thick bungee cord. Lucifer still sounded pissed when he said, “You are going to get fifty lashes for being stupid. Then you are going to get back to your chores. Do you understand?”

Sam nodded and said quietly, “Yes, Lucifer. I’m sorry.”

Lucifer raised up the flogged and swung it at Sam’s back. It hit with a blunt thud. It knocked the air out of Sam. Sam had to use his hands to brace himself on the floor. This flogger felt different than the others. With the others it felt like a sharp sting. This was only a blunt pain. Sam knew Lucifer was hitting him hard. He doubted Lucifer was hitting him with all of his strength so Lucifer was showing some restraint.

Sam shook with the pain and cried out but he didn’t let any tears fall. He knew if he cried Lucifer would get turned on and do much worse things to him. He didn’t feel like he deserved this punishment, but Lucifer was right. He was stupid for not knowing how to do these things. Maybe Lucifer was just making sure he learned? Sam didn’t know.

After Lucifer was done, Sam set about the rest of his chores. He hoped he wouldn’t upset Lucifer anymore today. It wasn’t until Sam got permission to go to the bathroom that he looked in the mirror. Sam could see blue bruises in little lines littering his back. Sam turned his head away from the mirror. He didn’t want to look at the fresh bruises.

He told himself he had to accept this. Lucifer was only doing what was best for him. Sam realized he was turning into everything he never wanted to be. He wanted to break free of this and make his own life, but he didn’t have the means. Lucifer told him that since he was a run away, he couldn’t get a job and because he wasn’t an adult he couldn’t rent a place to live. On top of that his dominant father would find him if he left and beat his ass for running off. Lucifer told Sam that his father would do far worse than anything Lucifer had done to him.

John had never beat Sam per se. John shook him, shoved him, spanked him when he was in grade school, and verbally abused him for his entire life, but never once did John beat him the way Lucifer did. Of course, his dad didn’t know he was a sub and Lucifer said that would be the thing that changed the way John treated him.

Sam was also worried about Dean’s reaction. Unlike John, Dean actually had beat him but it was under the veil of a brotherly fight. Dean did get in trouble for it since Sam was fourteen at the time and didn’t stand a chance against his brother. Aside from a black eye, broken tooth, and sprained wrist, Sam’s damage wasn’t that bad. At least Sam didn’t think it was that bad. Sam didn’t remember what their fight was about but he did remember how pissed John was at Dean and how Dean made his life Hell for weeks afterwards.

Sam ran his fingertips over his temples. He wished he could remember something good about his family. He felt like there blank spots in his memory and it hurt his head when he tried to remember. Sometimes, he wondered if there really was nothing good and if his life had always just been one long nightmare. It made him hate himself. And sometimes, he felt like he was nothing. His dad made him feel like he was nothing. Dean made him feel like he was nothing. Lucifer made him feel like he was nothing. Maybe he was nothing.


	6. Chapter 6

It was evening and Sam had been here for two and half months. Lucifer led him to his cage. Sam felt fear but he crawled inside. He barely fit. He had to tuck his legs up against his chest and lay on his side. Sam watched as Lucifer attached a water bottle on the outside of the cage and a straw attachment went inside to where Sam was. The water bottle probably held a gallon of water. Sam was scared when he heard Lucifer lock the cage. He remembered when he was locked in the cage for a day and he didn’t want to get punished like that again. He thought he had been good.

Then he heard Lucifer speak. “I am visiting another submissive for a few days. You will stay here, like a good boy. You can piss and shit yourself. You have water to drink but you should make it last. You’re going to be here for four days.” Then Lucifer threw a sheet over his cage and Sam heard his footsteps leaving.

Sam couldn’t see anything of the world around him. All he could see was the sheet. Sam felt lonely and scared. He didn’t like it the last time Lucifer did this to him but that was only for a day. Maybe Lucifer was trying to mess with him. Lucifer liked to do that sometimes. Sam closed his eyes as he tried to steady his breathing. He tried to tell himself that even if Lucifer did leave him for four days, it wouldn’t be that bad and he would be okay.

He knew when night fall happened because it seemed darker where he was but it was hard to tell. He couldn’t hear any movement in the house. All he could hear was the sounds of Lucifer’s pet rat eating and spinning on its wheel inside its respective cage. Sam was angry at the stupid rat because it was treated better than him.

Sam’s body was cramping from being in the same position and he had to pee. He hadn’t gone in the cage because that would mean he would have to lay in it for days apparently. Sam wondered if all subs suffered like him. Lucifer said they did. Sam thought about how Lucifer would tell him that he was lucky. Lucifer told him that Sam could have ended up with someone who really hurt him or killed him. Sam wasn’t sure if he was truly lucky or not.

He closed his eyes and tried to remember something good in his life. There had to be some good. Sam squeezed his eyes tighter and remembered.

Nothing.

++

Dean had no idea where his baby brother was. Sammy had just turned seventeen when he disappeared. It seemed like a lifetime ago and Dean could swear he saw Sam everywhere. But it wasn’t really Sam. It was the memory of his brother. Dean had many regrets and he was angry at Sam for doing this. Dean knew their father was a dick and didn’t let Sammy have control over anything. In fact, most of the time Dean didn’t think their father knew Sam existed. He couldn’t remember the last time John spoke to Sammy that didn’t result in a fight. Looking back on it now, it was almost like Sammy was crying out for attention. But why would a dominant cry out for attention?

He had no idea. All of his contacts hadn’t seen or heard from Sammy. It was like Sammy just vanished into thin air. So Dean took the Impala and started driving after his father’s tracking failed. He stopped at every gas station he passed along the highway and asked to post a missing person’s poster of Sammy. Most of the places agreed and Dean would tape the photo and description in the window.

Dean had no idea what the success rate of flyers were. But he would try because that was only thing he could do. He knew he never showed Sam he cared about him in a tangible way and before Sam left Dean hadn’t been coming home at night. He had been picking up submissives from the bar and going back to their place. Dean did care for Sam. It was Dean that made sure they had food to eat and Sam had a roof over his head most of the time, but Sam didn’t know Dean did any of that. Dean knew that Sam started to buy his own food and clothes from odd jobs he worked. Looking back, Dean knew Sam did just about as much as him. He knew he couldn’t claim extraordinary big brother.

Part of Dean thought this was his fault. If he had just been there talk Sam through whatever control issues he had then maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Maybe Sam would still be here. The voice in the back of Dean’s mind told him that Sam would have still left. Sam never wanted to be part of this family and that made Dean angry. Their life wasn’t that bad. Sure, Sam got the short end of the stick but life wasn’t fair. Dean didn’t understand. He just prayed Sam was okay and safe.

++

Sam wasn’t okay. He prayed and begged for death but it was outside of his grasp. He was afraid to pull the sheet in the cage to strangle himself but he tried anyways. The sheet wouldn’t budge. It made Sam whimper in despair. He wanted this to end. Sam tried to tighten his collar enough to kill him but he wasn’t able to get it to stay tight enough to cut off his air supply. Sam also had flashbacks from that day when he tightened his collar around his throat. Sam felt like a failure because he couldn’t even kill himself right.

Sometimes, Sam wondered if there was a god. If so, then why was this happening? He didn’t know what he did to deserve this. Sam knew he made some bad choices in his life and going with Lucifer was one of them. Sam didn’t know if this was just the consequences of his choices or if Lucifer was something worse. The back of Sam’s mind had words for what Lucifer was but Sam silenced those voices before they could take over. Lucifer was all he had, even though Lucifer abandoned him here.

He started to babble to himself as time ticked by. Sam didn’t even know what he was saying. His world constricted to the cage. Sam realized the cage was a metaphor for his life. He was always trapped inside a box. There was never really escape.

Sam wasn’t sure how much time had passed. The sharp pains in his limps from not moving subsided. Now it was just a dull ache. The bottom of the cage he was laying in was covered in his own piss and shit. He had failed with trying not to do that. It was disgusting. The smell made Sam gag but he thankfully didn’t throw up. Sam had ran out of water. He didn’t know how long ago that happened but it seemed like an eternity ago. His mouth was dry and his lips were cracked. He was thirsty, hungry, and tired.

Finally, Sam heard footsteps and he felt nothing. He watched as the sheet was removed. Sam saw Lucifer with a smug look on his face. Lucifer carefully unlocked the cage and said, “You’re pathetic. Get out of that cage and dry your feet off on this towel.” It hurt to move but Sam obeyed. He moaned in pain as he stretched out his limbs and crawled out the cage. He felt urine roll down his body as he stood. It was from the side of his body that was laying his mess.

Lucifer looked at him appraisingly. Then he said, “Go shower. I hate the scruffy look. You’ll be punished for that when you’re done.”

Sam stumbled his way to the bathroom, even though he felt lightheaded. He turned on the shower and let the hot water wash away the grime. He didn’t want to think about what it really was. Sam opened his mouth and let the hot water flow in his mouth. He drank some but it didn’t quench his thirst.  Sam shaved himself with a shaky hand and noticed some sores along the side where he was laying. He wasn’t sure what caused those sores.

He dried off quickly and went to go find Lucifer. Sam was feeling a little better after the shower. His body still hurt. He was still thirty and hungry but he was better. He was clean. Sam knelt down in front of Lucifer. His dominant sounded angry, “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Sam could not figure out how any of this was his fault. He knew better than to say that though. Instead he said, “I’m sorry, Lucifer. Please forgive me.” He rocked back slightly and closed his eyes. He heard his father’s voice in his head telling him not to ever let someone hurt him. It made Sam feel dead inside or maybe he was insane.

Lucifer tugged on Sam’s hair and Sam met his eyes. He was promptly backhanded for it and Sam kept his eyes on the floor after that as voices danced in his head. Lucifer smoothed over the reddened skin and said, “No, you’re not a person. You’re a thing. A worthless thing. I had go out and spend a few days with another sub because you’re too weak to take everything. Then I come home and you didn’t even maintain your body hair. You did nothing inside that cage when you could have been pulling out the hair.”

Sam had no idea what to say to that. He could barely move inside that cage, much less pull out his body hair. He doubted it had even grown long enough for him to pull out. Sam knew better than to argue. Dean’s voice rang in his head telling him to accept the consequences for his inactions. So Sam spoke quietly and submissively, “Please punish me, Lucifer, and let me prove I can take everything you need.” Sam was scared when he uttered those words but he didn’t want to lose the only home he ever had and the only person that loved him. He didn’t want to feel dead inside.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter like all the others is full of triggers. It does include gang rape.

It had been three months. Sam felt weak. He could see his ribs when he looked in the mirror. He had bruises and cuts littering his body but still be believed that it was better this way. He believed that this was the only place for him. Lucifer made him tell himself that every day. Sam hadn’t been put back in the cage and he was grateful for that. He found himself begging for forgiveness whenever he was in proximity to it.

Sam wasn’t concerned about being caged right now. He was a little angry. Lucifer recently started talking about how he was going to add another submissive to the household. It was because Lucifer deemed Sam weak. Lucifer didn’t think that Sam did a good job with his tasks and thought that another submissive could have authority over him while Lucifer was away.

Sam didn’t like this. Lucifer said that he let some chores go because he knew Sam was only one slave. Lucifer said he wanted another submissive to complete those tasks and to keep Sam in line. Sam begged to know what he was doing wrong so he could fix it but Lucifer wouldn’t tell him. Sometimes, Sam wondered if he was doing anything wrong, but he quickly dismissed that idea. Lucifer wouldn’t lie to him. Lucifer wasn’t his father.

Sam was kneeling facing the wall because he wasn’t in use as Lucifer liked to call it. It gave Sam time to think and reflect. He wasn’t allowed to talk to Lucifer much. The only talking was for when orders were conveyed. Lucifer didn’t talk to him about his day and Sam was feeling very isolated.

He heard footsteps and quickly lowered his head. Lucifer held a pill up to Sam’s lips. Sam didn’t know what the pill was. He asked, “What is it?”

Lucifer sounded irritated, “Something to keep you calm and docile. Now open.”

Sam felt uneasy with this. He didn’t like the idea drugs. He had his reasons, of course, but he knew Lucifer wouldn’t listen to them. Sam shook his head no and said weakly, “I can be good. I don’t need that.”

Lucifer grabbed hold of Sam’s hair and tightened his grip. Sam hated having his hair pulled. It probably made him sound girly but he didn’t like the way it knotted up. Not to mention it hurt and was generally uncomfortable. Lucifer snapped at Sam, “I don’t remember asking your opinion. You can either open your mouth to take this pill or I can put you back in your cage. Maybe I should keep you in the cage all the time? Maybe that will take care of the opinions you feel you need to voice.”

Sam opened his mouth and felt the pill pushed to the back of his throat. He didn’t want to be caged again. He swallowed it with some difficulty. Then Lucifer left him alone. He was always alone. Sam felt it as the pill started to kick in. He drooped against the wall and fell asleep.

When Sam woke up, he was on a table with his legs spread. He was gagged, blindfolded, and tied down. Sam struggled in the restraints for a moment. Then he realized that someone was fucking him. Sam took a calming breath and realized Lucifer must just be having his way with him which was nothing new.

Sam closed his eyes and relaxed. Then he heard a voice as an unfamiliar hand touched his chest. “Nick, you have such a good slave. His ass is great but I want to use his mouth next time.”

Sam remembered hearing about how people react when they don’t want to have sex with someone. Sam wasn’t screaming. He was laying there trying to figure out how this happening. He wasn’t begging for this to stop. He was gagged and unable to speak. Not even muffled words left Sam’s mouth. He had no idea what to say. Sam wasn’t fighting back. He didn’t know what he had to fight for. He was clearly worthless. He didn’t know if this was what a sexual assault was supposed to feel like or if what was happening to him was something different.

When Sam felt the men change out and another man enter him, Sam wondered if it was possible to sexually assault a submissive or a slave as he was called. He didn’t think so. He belonged to Lucifer. Sam was surprised by how little he felt from this. He just felt numb inside. Sam turned his head as a wave of something hit him and he slipped to sleep again.

When he woke up he was lying in bed. Lucifer was reading a book next to him. Sam felt sore and achy. He glanced at Lucifer and asked quietly, “Why did you do that to me?”

Lucifer slapped him and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid bitch.”

 Sam reached up a tentative hand and touched his face. He could feel where Lucifer hit him. It tingled under his fingertips. Sam decided not to be quiet. “I never wanted to be shared like that and I know that may make me stupid or bad. You were my first and I wanted you to be my only, but you took that away from me without asking and I had no way to tell you no. ”

Lucifer sighed and slammed his book closed. Sam didn’t meet Lucifer’s eyes but he knew Lucifer was glaring at him. His dom’s voice was cold when he replied, “I really don’t care what you want. You are my property so I decide what you want. Even if you said no, I still would have shared you. That said, you can leave if you wish. You can run home to Daddy who will just lock you away in mental hospital or maybe Daddy won’t do that. Maybe Daddy will beat you to death for being a little whore.”

Sam let a couple tears of frustration roll down his face. No matter what choice he made, he was stuck. He wrapped his arms around himself and missed the comfort of his doll. Sam knew if he could talk to his doll he could work things out for himself. Sam closed his eyes and whispered, “I want to stay here, please Lucifer.”

Lucifer moved down on the bed until he was holding Sam. Sam enjoyed the embrace even when Lucifer started painfully twisting and pulling on his nipples. He didn’t say anything to stop Lucifer and he once again wondered why that was. The voices that danced around in his head were all telling him he was weak and worthless. Lucifer kissed the side of his face and actually praised him, “You were a good boy tonight, Sam. I got some vitamins that you will start taking in the morning. It will help you get healthier. You’ve been looking a little sick lately.”

Sam nodded and kept his voice soft as not to upset Lucifer. He liked to be held even if Lucifer was hurting him. Sam closed his eyes to the pain Lucifer was inflicting on his nipples at least he was getting held and Lucifer was talking to him. From what Sam could remember from his life before Lucifer, the only time anyone ever paid attention to him was when they were being mean to him or hurting him. Lucifer was just like everyone else in Sam's life and Sam took comfort in that. 


	8. Chapter 8

Sam had noticed that he felt a little fuzzy now. Things didn’t really matter that much during the day, but then toward evening he would get angry. He would say things that he would regret later and sometimes, Lucifer would give him a pill. Lucifer told him it was a vitamin but the vitamin made Sam calmer. Anytime, he realized he should care about that Lucifer gave him another vitamin. Then it just didn’t matter so much anymore.

It had been four months. Lucifer arrived home from work early and led Sam to the spare bedroom. Sam looked around it. He cleaned this room every week but no one ever stayed in here. Lucifer stepped back from Sam and explained, “I am having another submissive over this evening. You are to stay in here. I will leave the door unlocked so you can go to the restroom and not make a mess. You may not eat anything but you may have a glass of water. I do not want to see you when we come upstairs for the night or when she arrives. She isn’t to see you until morning when you will prepare breakfast for us.”

Sam nodded and felt hurt. He knew Lucifer saw others but it felt different to have it thrown in his face like this. Sam bit his lip and asked, “How am I supposed to wake you up in the morning if I am in here?”

Lucifer smiled and brushed Sam’s cheek. “You get a free pass tomorrow morning.” Sam watched Lucifer turn and leave the room. Lucifer closed the door behind him. Sam glanced around the room as he sat down on the bed. The walls were a light purple and a throwback from when Lucifer was married. The bedding was brightly colored in purples and blues. Sam had never paid much attention to it until now.

Sam sat back on the bed and noticed a book on the nightstand. It was an old book that probably dated back to Lucifer’s childhood or something. Sam picked it up and started reading for lack of anything better to do. The words were a little fuzzy and they just seemed to escape his mind as soon as they entered. Sam knew it was the vitamins. He closed the book and sighed. Sam could see the sun setting over the large trees in Lucifer’s backyard. He wished he had made better choices in life.

He heard the doorbell ring a short time later. Sam listened from inside the room. He could hear Lucifer talking and a woman’s voice. Sam knew Lucifer swung both ways. Sam was pretty sure he was okay with going either way himself. It was just, Sam knew he could never offer Lucifer what she could. She had different parts. Her body most likely felt different from his. She was probably pretty while he was just average.

Sam sat down on the floor and leaned against the door. He realized he was feeling jealous and betrayed. He started to cry. Sam felt helpless and he just wanted to go home. He stared at the ceiling through his tears and thought about his father’s disappointment. Dean’s disappointment. Sam squeezed his eyes shut when he realized that they would probably just disown him for being a sub anyways. They would probably think he deserved all of this.

Sam heard Lucifer’s favorite music start playing. It was what he played when he wanted to hurt Sam for sexual pleasure. Sam wouldn’t say he had gotten used to it, but he knew he disappointed Lucifer because he didn’t get a hard on for it. In fact, Sam had never actually orgasmed. He had gotten an erection plenty of times and the occasional wet dream, but he never did anything while he was awake. Before this, Sam was afraid if he touched himself it would turn him into a slut.

As night fell, Sam could hear the woman moaning and actually begging for more. Based on what Sam could hear, Lucifer was spanking her and she was enjoying every minute of it. Sam didn’t know why he wasn’t like that. He wondered if that was part of what made him weak.

Eventually, Lucifer and the woman went up to Lucifer’s bedroom. Sam got to listen to Lucifer fuck the woman in the bed he slept in with Lucifer every night. Sam felt cast aside and unwanted. He knew he shouldn’t, but he viewed Lucifer’s bed as his bed and the notion that he got kicked out of his bed for a woman hurt. Sam undid the collar from around his neck and tossed it on the floor. Then he curled up in a ball on the bed and cried himself to sleep.

The sun was creeping through the window when Sam woke up. He woke up to the sound of Lucifer opening his bedroom door and the woman Lucifer brought over the night before throwing up in the bathroom. Sam started crying again as soon as he saw Lucifer. He watched as Lucifer picked up the collar and walked over to him after closing the door.

Lucifer put the collar back around Sam’s neck and Sam wanted to rip it off but he didn’t say anything. Lucifer pulled the covers off of him and spread Sam’s legs. Sam let him and he watched as Lucifer pulled off his pajama bottoms to reveal his hard cock. Sam winced and cried when Lucifer thrust into him. Unlike the other times when Lucifer fucked him, this time was gentler and Lucifer wiped away his tears. Lucifer didn’t hit him. Instead Lucifer caressed him. It made Sam feel confused.

Lucifer whispered in his ear, “Don’t cry, Sam.”

Sam tried to will away his tears as Lucifer started to thrust harder in him. Sam wasn’t aroused at all. He had read about a prostate and how good it felt to have that touched. Sam was pretty sure Lucifer avoided that spot inside of him if it was even real. He was still completely soft. Sam closed his eyes when he felt Lucifer release inside of him. It always burned the little tears inside of him.

Lucifer pulled out and pulled Sam into a hug. He asked sincerely, “What is wrong?”

Sam tried to pull away but Lucifer held tight. Sam stopped trying to pull away but remained tense in Lucifer’s grasp. Sam spoke quietly, “I feel replaced and pushed aside like I don’t matter. I am the one to serve you, not her. Why should I get punished like this because of her presence?”

Lucifer kissed Sam softly on the lips. He spoke almost reverently as he gently touched him. “No one can replace you. I’m not replacing you. I am just having fun. You get to fuck others and so do I.”

Sam thought but didn’t say that he didn’t want to fuck other people. He knew this was his fault for not getting aroused enough. He wasn’t taking care of all of Lucifer’s needs. He asked Lucifer, “When do you want me to fix breakfast?”

Lucifer released Sam from his grasp and said, “Now is fine. You can sit at the table and eat with us.” Lucifer paused and added, “No, you’re not allowed to wear clothes so don’t ask.”

Sam was a bit shy about being naked around other people. But he still obeyed. He got up from Lucifer’s embrace and went to the kitchen. He made a simple breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast. Sam served himself and the other submissive half of what he served Lucifer. He always ate half of Lucifer’s serving size. Lucifer told him that was the appropriate amount of food for a sub.

Sam took his vitamins in front of the other submissive. He was eating his food slowly when she broke the silence and said, “Luci, what the Hell is wrong with his eyes and why are you feeding him so little?”

Lucifer snapped at her, “He is my slave. I decide how much and when he eats. There is nothing wrong with his eyes.”

The woman, who Sam realized looked a little like a soccer mom, said meekly, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. He just doesn’t look healthy and I know you are drugging him. I can tell. He looks miserable which says something about the way you run you house.”

Lucifer took a steadying breath and said carefully, “That is why I want a second slave. As you can see, Sam needs help. He needs someone to control and look after him while I am at work. He is weak. He will always be weak.”

Sam looked out the window as his world went fuzzy again. He knew he should defend himself against what Lucifer was saying but he just couldn’t find it in himself to care. He felt like nothing.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Sam had some delights in his time with Lucifer. Granted most people would find it torturous but it made him feel normal. One of Sam’s many tasks was to make sure all of Lucifer’s bills were paid on time. Sam would keep a record of them on the computer. Lucifer had to explain to him how to do a general ledger and Sam got punished for not knowing. He was okay with getting punished for that though. He knew that he never learned important things from his dad or in school.

Sam had a system down for handling bills. He would carefully write the checks for Lucifer to sign. Then after Lucifer would sign them and Sam would seal the bills into envelops so Lucifer could put them in the mailbox. Sam rarely got to wander around outside. He got to go out in Lucifer’s backyard unattended sometimes, but never the front yard and never all the way to the mailbox which was at the entrance to Lucifer’s subdivision.

The time alone to handle the bills were good. He found having use of a computer to be both a blessing and a curse. It was a curse because overtime, Lucifer was becoming more and more controlling. Sam had to check in with Lucifer on an instant messenger every fifteen minutes throughout the day. If Sam forgot and was late, he was punished when Lucifer got home. Sam wasn’t okay with that punishment, because sometimes he just got focused on his tasks for Lucifer. He didn’t want to stop the task to report in.

He did do things he wasn’t supposed to while on the internet. Sam searched and found out that he was in fact reported missing. He was on the nationwide database for missing and exploited children. Sam’s status wasn’t listed like it was on others. His said unknown. It gave a description of him and it had his most recent school photo. Sam wondered if it was Dean or his dad that reported him missing. Aside from that website, there was no mention of Sam anywhere else. No news articles, nothing.

Sam wondered as Lucifer’s pet rat walked across the desk if he even really mattered to his family. He didn’t think so but in his more coherent moments, he wondered about them. He was still afraid to go home, but he wondered.

++

John downed his latest beer as he stared at the shabby apartment he rented. It was in the city Sam went missing in. The detective said that Sam would likely come back to wherever he went missing from. John doubted that because he had never given Sam a permanent home. John knew what the numbers said. He knew that with what Sam took and the amount of time Sam was gone, that his son was most likely dead.

John knew shortly after Sam got his papers that he was a submissive. Sam never told him one way or the other, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out. John stopped with insulting subs after he realized it but he knew the damage was probably already done. He knew his son was vulnerable and sheltered. Sam was overly trusting and didn’t have a lot of street smarts. He knew this was his fault but he didn’t want Sam learning those things even before he got those papers. He wanted Sam to be normal. Normality was something that he stole from Dean, but he wanted to give it back to Sam as best he could.

He knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that Sam was with a dominant that he met somewhere. John had no idea when Sam had time to form a relationship with someone, much less someone that would likely murder Sam. It didn’t sit well with John and he looked everywhere. He talked to everyone Sam went to school with, anyone that he saw on the street between the motel they lived at and Sam’s school. No one knew anything.

John retraced Sam’s favorite places from all over the country. He called all of the friends Sam had made on his journey in life and no one knew anything. It was frustrating and disappointing. At this point, John just wanted Sam body back so he could bury his son. He wanted closure.

John opened his coat pocket and pulled out the worn picture of his boys. It was one of his favorites. Sam and Dean were sitting on a rock smiling at him. Sam had to have been about ten and Dean was fourteen. John longed for those simpler times. But now, he could see the pain in Sam’s eyes hidden behind his son’s smile. It was there all along.

He wished now that he would have had the right words for Sam. That he could have told him that it was okay that he was a sub, but that chance had long since passed. John gently kissed the photo where Sam was. He smiled sadly at as tears came to his eyes. John wiped away the stubborn tears and said quietly, “I’m sorry I treated you differently from Dean. I let Dean go out and do things. I never let you do that. Sometimes I forgot to even care about what you were going through. I thought that if I just kept you away from everyone, even me, then you would be safe. I was wrong. If I had just prepared you better, none of this would have happened. I failed you and now I can never tell you how sorry I am.”

++

Lucifer was in a good mood when he got home from work tonight. It made Sam feel better inside to see Lucifer in a good mood. Today was the five month anniversary of him being with Lucifer, who he started to look at as his master. After dinner, they were sitting in front of the television watching a show.

Lucifer took Sam’s hand and put it around Sam’s dick. Sam was confused by this. Then he heard Lucifer order him to stroke himself. Sam had never been allowed to do this before. Hesitantly, Sam started to stroke himself while Lucifer ignored him and focused on the television show. He was nervous so it took him a little bit to get going but eventually Sam got hard and it felt like he had to pee.

He said to Lucifer, “I want to stop." Sam really didn't want to piss himself on Lucifer's sofa. 

Lucifer didn’t even look his way when he said, “No.”

Sam continued to stroke because he did not want to think about what sort of torture Lucifer would inflict on him if he stopped. Then as a lady cackled on the television, he had his first orgasm. His eyes locked with the character on the television as his body fluids landed on his stomach. He felt light and good but somehow alone.

Sam looked over at Lucifer, who had a frown on his face. He ran his finger through Sam’s mess and then held it up to Sam’s mouth. Lucifer instructed, “Taste.”

Sam obeyed and ate what was on Lucifer’s fingers. It tasted bad but different from Lucifer’s come which also tasted bad. Slowly Sam ate everything that came out of him. But he was still left with a feeling of being energized. He was smiling until Lucifer said, “Start stroking yourself again.” It hurt when Sam touched himself again. The skin was sensitive to the touch but still he obeyed. Sam didn’t know what Lucifer had planned but he wasn't looking forward to it.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Sam could see the snow falling outside. It was nearing the holidays and he missed his family. It was more the idea of family he missed more than anything. Somehow, his dad ordering a bucket of fried chicken and falling asleep watching football hardly seemed like a holiday. It seemed like everyday life to Sam.

He sat on the floor and watched the snowfall. Lucifer was working on his computer. Sam was content to say silent and out of the way. Then Sam heard Lucifer’s voice, “Slave, bring me a pair of scissors.”

Sam stood and retrieved the scissors from a nearby shelf. He handed them to Lucifer without a word. Sam talked more to the voices in his head than actual people. Lucifer was the only real person he ever talked to but he had voices in his head for his dad, Dean, and even what he imagined his mom would be like. She was the voice that always told him that he was loved and good. His dad’s voice was always yelling at him to shut up and obey which was pretty much his dad’s mantra throughout life. Dean’s voice was the one criticizing him and telling him to stop being such a bitch.

Lucifer took the scissors from Sam’s hand and instructed, “Kneel in front of me and face away from me.” Sam did as he was told. Then he felt Lucifer run his fingers through Sam’s hair. It had admittedly gotten long and a little out of control. He hadn’t cut it in the six months he had been with Lucifer. Lucifer asked, “Should I cut all of your hair off?”

Sam really didn’t know how to answer that. He liked his hair. It was part of him and submissive males tended to have longer hair. Sam knew what the right answer to this question was though. He replied with a quiet. “Whatever pleases you, Lucifer.”

Lucifer without any more preamble started cutting away at Sam’s hair. Lucifer didn’t brush his hair out beforehand and Sam was fairly certain if Lucifer left him with any hair it wouldn’t be even. Sam watched as chestnut brown hair fell to the floor around him. Some pieces were long and others were short. Sam whimpered because he didn’t know this was something Lucifer could take from him.

Lucifer chuckled and replied proudly as he started brushing Sam’s remaining hair. “There we go. I found another wall today and broke it down. I’ll find all of your walls and break them all down.” Lucifer brushed his hair and trimmed his hair a little more. Now the cuts were smaller and it felt like Lucifer was making an attempt to even out whatever he did.

When Lucifer was finally done, Sam was released to go get the broom and dust pan. Sam stole a glance in the mirror on the way. His hair did look a little choppy and there were some spots that were close to his scalp. Sam knew that Lucifer probably would have kept hacking away at his hair until there was nothing left. Sam knew it was a test and he passed.

He started sweeping up his hair when he heard his mom’s voice. _“You’re such a sweet boy, Sammy. So good.”_

Then of course his father’s voice had to reply, _“Sammy is far from sweet. He is a little shit. He needs to be on his knees for his dom like a good sub.”_

Dean’s voice laughed and mocked, _“Sammy doesn’t have a dom. He has a master. He can’t even take a piss without permission. He’s pathetic.”_

Sam dropped the broom and ran his fingertips over his temples. He muttered to the voices, “Everyone shut up.”

Lucifer stood up faster than Sam could have ever imagined. He grabbed hold of Sam’s arm and twisted it painfully. He snarled, “What did you say to me, slut?”

Sam opened his mouth and closed it a few times. Then he decided that the truth was the best option. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t talking to you. It was the voices.”

Lucifer’s face darkened and then Sam found himself being dragged through the house and into a small closet. Lucifer shoved him inside and Sam curled himself into a ball on the floor. He wasn’t sure what Lucifer was going to do to him.

++

It was a short time later and Sam could hear voices which didn’t belong to the voices in his head. He couldn’t make out what they were saying but he could hear them. Then the door opened and he saw a man with clean hands. The man smiled and said, “Hi Sam, my name is Azazel. Can you come out so we can talk?”

Sam nodded and got out of the closet. He saw Lucifer glaring from against the adjacent wall. Azazel led Sam into the spare room and closed the door. He maneuvered Sam to sit on the bed.

Sam sat on the bed and was panicking. He didn’t know if Azazel was going to touch him or not. Sam watched as Azazel moved the blankets back and covered Sam with them. It felt weird to be taken care of.

Azazel sighed and asked carefully, “The voices that you hear, can you tell me about them?”

Sam shrugged and said quietly, “I told my master I was sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything.” Sam didn’t understand what was going on. He didn’t understand what Lucifer wanted of him but he thought that Lucifer would want the truth.

Azazel asked patiently, “Do the voices want you to hurt yourself or Nick?”

Sam blinked a couple of times at that and shook his head no. His voice was a little rough from disuse, “No, I have no one else to talk to so I talk to people in my head.”

Azazel nodded and said, “Does Nick talk to you and let you talk to him? Do you talk about what is going on in the world or at work?”

Sam shook his head no again. He spoke softly, “No, he doesn’t like that.” Sam wrapped his arms around himself. He didn’t like to think of the pain and the darkness when he did try to talk to Lucifer in the past.

Azazel gave a sad smile and said, “When is the last time you talked to real person besides me?”

Sam looked off at the corner of the room. He didn’t know. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

Azazel replied swiftly, “You have nothing to be sorry for Sam. I am going to step out and talk to Nick for a minute.”

Azazel left the room and closed the door gently behind. He walked down the hallway and found Nick in the kitchen inspecting his knives. Azazel asked with some agitation, “What are you doing?”

Nick sat the knife down on the counter and replied coldly, “I was deciding which knife to cut his throat with.”

Azazel sighed and snatched the knife away from him. He replied firmly, “He is having a mental break because of isolation and what is bordering on physical abuse. You need to talk to him every day. You need to feed him more and let him put on some clothes. That boy’s fingers and toes were blue.” Azazel didn’t want to say that he thought Sam was physically abused. He knew he was close to Nick just killing Sam like he did the last one.

Nick frowned and stated, “No on all counts, I want to get a second slave in here so he will have someone to talk to. What can you do about the voices?”

Azazel ran his hands over his face and muttered, “I will get you some haloperidol to give him. That should help with the voices and we can up the Valium to three times a day.”

Nick nodded and smiled, “Good, do you want to fuck him as payment or do you want cash?”

Azazel took a deep breath and said, “I would like him for the weekend sometime, at your convenience of course.” He planned on taking Sam to give the boy a break. He had had sex with Sam before but he doubted Sam remembered any of that. Azazel did have every intention of having sex with Sam on that weekend and he wanted Sam to remember it. But he also wanted his subs to spend some time with Sam. It would give Sam someone to talk to if even for a couple days. 


	11. Chapter 11

Lucifer was worse to him after Azazel left, not that Sam was expecting anything better. Sam was left alone for the remainder of the evening in the guest bedroom. He didn’t leave that room. He just stayed sitting on the bed for a long time. Then when he noticed it was after ten, he curled up on the bed and tried to go to sleep.

He woke up Lucifer beating him as the morning rays of light peaked through the window.  Sam glanced at the clock and saw that it was 6:31 in the morning. Sam had failed at waking Lucifer up as he was supposed to. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on something other than the pain booming in his chest. Sam knew he would have bruises and scratches from Lucifer’s rings. He was glad Lucifer didn’t hit his face often.

Sam let Lucifer spread his legs and thrust inside of him. It sounds silly to him when he thinks about it, but he had gotten used to the searing pain with anal sex. It almost felt like nothing now. It felt like when he would have a hang nail and rip it off. He didn’t want to have this done to him, but he didn’t say that. He didn’t speak any of that. Sam didn't want to be punished anymore than he already was. 

When Lucifer finished with him, Sam was pulled out of the warm bed. He was taken to the kitchen where Lucifer had his vitamins. Sam noticed there was a new one. Lucifer handed them to him and Sam took the pills without a word. Then Lucifer led him to the hall closet again and said firmly. “You will stay in here and think about ways you could gain my forgiveness.”

Sam watched as the door to the closet was closed. He sat down on the floor and realized he had a full bladder. Sam hoped Lucifer didn’t leave him in here for long. Sam could hear Lucifer getting ready for his day and Sam focused on those noises. He knew it would be disobedient of him, but he could slip out of the closet after Lucifer went to work and use the bathroom if he didn’t get let out before then.

Sam didn’t have to wait for Lucifer to leave to be let out. Lucifer opened the closet door dressed fully in a suit. Sam knew Lucifer didn’t like talking so he knelt down on the floor and kissed Lucifer’s dress shoes. Lucifer made a pleased sound. Then he kicked Sam hard in the side of the head. Lucifer grabbed Sam by his hair and dragged him to the bathroom.

He let Sam pee and brush his teeth while he insulted Sam and told him how stupid he was and how average looking he was. Lucifer mocked his haircut, his dick size, everything about him. It left Sam feeling a little twitchy.

Then Lucifer led Sam to his cage. Sam tried to stop walking toward it but Lucifer drug him over to it. Then Lucifer forcefully shoved Sam inside. Sam felt fear but it was muted. His eyes were slipping closed when Lucifer slipped some more vitamins through the slat in his cage. Lucifer set a timer and advised firmly, “Take these when the timer goes off.”

Sam didn’t say anything. He just stared at the ticking timer as Lucifer walked away. Somehow being crammed into this tiny cage didn’t matter. Nothing felt like it mattered.

It went on like that for days. He would go from the closet to the bathroom to his cage to the bathroom then back to his cage until morning then to the table so Lucifer could fuck and beat him then back to the closet. Sam did somehow manage with two bathroom breaks a day. He only had water during the day inside his cage so that helped. It also helped that he wasn’t eating anything.

Sam was screaming at the voices in his head to go away so he could get out. He knew this sort of loneliness was what caused the voices to come. Sam just hoped it could make the voices go away too.

Then one night when he was all alone the voice of his mother urged him to follow her. Any strength Sam had left in him seemed to slip from his very soul. Sam could see light behind the figure of his mother. She wasn’t just a voice anymore. The bars of his cage seemed to have fallen away. He stared at the image of his mother and reached out a hand.  


	12. Chapter 12

Lucifer was having problems that was the best way to describe it. Aside from his relationship with that awful woman he married, Amara, and his fuck buddies, his relationship with Sam had lasted the longest. He started to develop feelings for Sam. Sometimes, those feelings made him want to pamper Sam by letting him rest. Sometimes, those feelings turned him into a jealous and possessive dick bag. Lucifer knew he was a sadistic asshole. He never denied it, not even to Sam. Although, Sam never once called him an asshole or sadistic. Sam did tell him that he had unreasonable expectations, which he supposed he did. But he didn’t care, he was after all a sadistic asshole.

Lucifer’s main problem right now as he laid awake and stared at the ceiling of his bedroom was how he missed Sam lying next to him. He missed the sound of Sam breathing. It was stupid and unprofessional to get emotionally attached to a slave like that. Lucifer knew how this would end for Sam when he no longer had use. Sam would never have to face certain things in life. Sam would never know what it was like to grow old, to do those adult things everyone wrongfully looked forward to doing when they grow up, he would never have a family, and he would never have many things. Somethings that weren’t even measurable. Lucifer liked his Tuesday drinks with the guys, Sam would never experience something like that. Sam would suffer until the end. Sam would beg him for death before the end. It was how Lucifer would make the most money off of Sam. Still, he couldn’t help but want to do something different with Sam.

Lucifer groaned and got out of bed, he was compelled to bring Sam to his bed and maybe he would even give the boy something to eat. Maybe he would do something different. Maybe he could keep Sam alive longer. Maybe Azazel was right. Maybe what he was doing was wrong. Lucifer didn’t know.

When he reached the darkened room that held Sam’s cage, he flickered on the light. Sam’s eyes were open but they looked dry. Sam was just bones compared to the muscle he had when he first arrived. He walked closer and took note of Sam’s right hand that was stuck through one of the slats on the cage. Then he noticed something else. He couldn’t see the rise and fall of Sam’s chest. He couldn’t see Sam blinking.

Lucifer opened the cage and pulled the boy out. He felt his face getting wet with tears and he wondered what was wrong with him. He shouldn’t be feeling this for the slave. This wasn’t part of it. It was all wrong. Once he had the thin body in his arms, he carried the boy over to the table. He realized with as tall Sam was, it shouldn’t be this easy to lift him. Maybe Azazel was right and he should feed Sam more.

He felt on Sam’s neck and felt a slow but steady pulse. He breathed a sigh of relieved and wiped the tears from his face when he realized Sam was alive. Lucifer went over to a nearby cabinet and opened it. He didn’t know how to do an IV so he started injecting fluid under the skin. He knew when he did this before that it could have bruises if he injected it into the muscle. Lucifer would normally do that, but he reframed himself this time.

Once Lucifer was done he tied down Sam’s wrists and ankles. He didn’t want Sam falling off the table and hurting himself. He turned the heat up in the house so Sam would be a little warmer. Then he waited for the first signs of Sam to wake up. For the first time he listened to Sam talk in his sleep. It was more of a babble.

“Mom, can I go with you?”

“Dean, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not a slut.”

“Dad, leave me alone.”

“Just shut up.”

“Why does everyone hate me?”

“Please God, let me die.”

“I’m so stupid.”

“What did I do to deserve this?”

Lucifer brushed his hand through Sam’s hair and whispered even though he knew Sam couldn’t hear him. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Sam.” Lucifer felt regret. He knew he caused Sam to have a mental breakdown. This was all his fault.

++

After Sam reached out for the light, there was nothing. He felt nothing. Nothing mattered. He felt like he was in a void of emptiness and he was okay with that. Unfortunately, Lucifer wasn’t ready to let him go quite yet. Sam woke up slowly and he was in pain. Not that pain was anything new to him, it was just the first sensation to come back to him. The pain was unrelenting so Sam forced his eyes open.

He was on the table at Lucifer’s house. Sam could feel his senses coming back to him and he realized he was tied down. He laid there helpless for what felt like hours. Then Lucifer walked into the room with one of those diet shakes. Sam watched as Lucifer opened the canned shake and put a straw in the can. Then Lucifer walked over to him and help the straw up to Sam’s lips.

Lucifer instructed, “Drink.”

Sam drank but it hurt going down his throat and it made him nauseous. He only got a few slips in before he turned his head away and spoke hoarsely, “Please.” He didn’t know what he was asking for.

Lucifer groaned and grabbed hold of Sam’s hair. Sam didn’t even flinch. He just stared off into space. Lucifer’s voice was stern, “It has come to my attention again that you are weak. You haven’t eaten anything in nine days. Azazel recommended starting you out on liquids and he told me that I shouldn’t hit you for a few weeks. Now, if you drink this, I will untie you and let you shower and go rest in the bed.”

Sam thought about his options. He was disappointed that his mom didn’t save him but he knew that no one ever really came to his rescue. Sam knew that he was going to die alone. He had always known that ever since he was little he dreamed about his death. He died different ways in his dreams but in all of his dreams, he was murdered. In all of his dreams, he watched his own funeral. In all of his dreams, no one showed up not even his father or Dean.

Slowly Sam put the straw back in his mouth and started to drink. His body protested every sip but the prospect of a warm shower and bed kept him going. When the can was empty Lucifer moved it away. Then Sam watched as Lucifer undid the restraints.

Sam sat up slowly. His body was weak but he could still move. He glanced at Lucifer once before he said, “Thank you for your mercy, Lucifer.” Sam stumbled his way to the shower and made a point not to look at himself in the mirror. As the water hit his body Sam sat down on the floor of the shower and prayed for death. He prayed for someone to save him because he couldn’t save himself.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Castiel

Castiel Novak hated his life. He thought that being a detective would be glamorous or something. He wanted to work on cases involving children because he wanted to be able to bring them home to their families. He wanted to see the look of joy on the faces of the parents and the children.

The reality was actually quite different. He got to witness over and over again, some abused child or teenager looking at their parents like they would harm them and maybe sometimes the parents did. The parents looked at their child and just looked lost. The child that was returned to them was never the same child that disappeared from their life. One of his colleagues told him that parents have to realize that when their child goes missing, whoever their child was before died and it was replaced by someone else. 

He could never form the right words to tell parents that. He could never form the right words to tell some poor kid that they don’t have to fear their parents. Castiel found that he never really had the right words for any of this. Of course, he knew that for somethings there just weren’t words.

One of Castiel’s many cases was one of dead ends and probable bodies that had yet to be recovered. He had the job of watching hours of video of teenagers getting tortured. Castiel knew they were subs. He knew that the teenagers’ parents probably treated them like shit and they were running away from that only to fall into something much worse.

He was currently watching a video of John Doe IV. The description to the subscribers said that the John Doe was sixteen which the boy looked to be about that age. Castiel knew that he was with the man on the site called Lucifer. He knew that Lucifer tortured the subs to death and videoed it. Castiel watched this Lucifer, while wearing a mask, bury and dismember bodies. He could never get a mark for location. He could never get a slip of a real name. It was frustrating.

The only thing he had going for him was John Doe IV had lived longer than Lucifer’s pervious victims. Most only lasted about two months. John Doe IV was going seven months. It upped his chances of facial recognition finding a name for the John Doe. Castiel both wanted and dreaded them finding a name for the kid. Finding a name would mean he would have to talk to a parent. There was absolutely no good way to tell someone’s mother that their child is in the process of being slowly starved and tortured to death.

Castiel sighed as he watched Meg walk in his office with a file in her hand. She looked happy. She sat down on the edge of his desk and glanced at the screen. John Doe IV was getting electrocuted. Castiel wanted to turn it off, mute it, and possibly never look at it again. But he had the worst job on the planet. He was absolutely positive he had the worst job.

Meg brushed her hair off her shoulder. She was a dom and Castiel knew she liked him, but he was a freak of nature. He tested in the absolute middle of both categories. Hence, he had no desire to be bossed around or boss someone around. Castiel knew there was more to it than that but he wanted someone to be his equal and that just wasn’t possible. He knew he was jaded by his work. He saw the cruelty of it all. Castiel didn’t get to see the happy dotting couples. Instead, he saw the absolute worst in society. The worst believed dominants to be everything and submissives to be nothing. 

Castiel sighed and asked kindly as he paused the video, “What can I do for you, Meg?”

Meg tossed down a file and adjusted her skirt again. It was a subtle flirt. She pursed her lips and said calmly, “The boy on your screen has a name, Sammy Winchester. The boss wants to you take some of the photos and have the father confirm. The powers that be are pretty sure. The father provided a picture of Sammy without his shirt on and the freckles match along with his facial structure.”

Castiel took the folder and opened it. Sam was seventeen and the John Doe was alleged to be sixteen. It was a minor difference.  Castiel looked at the pictures of Sam Winchester. The boy did look like the boy on the video. Except, the Sam in the pictures from the family still looked innocent. The John Doe in the videos that exploited him lost his innocence.

++

Castiel knocked on an apartment door in Lawrence Kansas. He waited when a gruff looking man opened the door. The man had an open beer in his hand and blood shot eyes. Castiel smiled kindly and said, “My name is Agent Castiel Novak. I am with the FBI’s missing children’s task force. I am looking for John Winchester.”

The man shook his head and tried to compose himself. He muttered, “Sorry.” Then he stood up a little straighter and said, “I am John. What can I do for you?”

Castiel gave an uneasy smile and asked against his better judgment, “Can I come in? I think it might be better if we sit down for this.”

John moved and let Castiel in. Castiel scanned the living room. It was covered in filth. There was empty beer bottles and pizza boxes scattered around the floor. There was a stack of old newspapers and the stale smell of beer in the air. No wonder Sam ran away. Castiel wouldn’t have been surprised if John got drunk and beat the shit out of Sam on occasion.

Castiel sat down next to John on the sofa while he hoped he didn’t get roaches on his clothes. Castiel spoke slowly, “Mr. Winchester, we have not located your son but we are doing everything we can to bring him home. I have some photographs. I understand they might be disturbing to look at but I need you to tell me if the boy in the photographs is your son.”

John ran his hands over his face and said, “Okay.”

Castiel nodded and pulled out the first photo. It was one of the early photos of John Doe IV. This photograph was taken before the boy’s eyes were damaged. It was a close up of the face. Castiel knew John could still see the emptiness in the eyes.

John nodded and said calmly, “This is Sammy.” John sat down the photo and looked away.

Castiel nodded and took out another photo. This one immediately after the affixation. Sam’s eyes were bloodshot. John’s hand shook as he stared at the photo. Castiel watched it get wrinkled in the father’s grip. John whispered, “Sammy.” John sat the photo down and asked in a shaky voice, “Is he still alive?”

Castiel let out a slow breath and said carefully, “We believe he is still alive but we do not know where he is. The people that have him are professionals. From our intelligence, it is a small organization consisting of only a few players. There are only two or three submissives at any given time. I do not want to give you false hope, Mr. Winchester. We have never recovered a child from this organization alive. This photo was a few months ago. Sam is much worse shape now and I do not honestly believe he will survive much longer unless we can find him. I am sorry.”

John hung his head and stared at the wrinkled photo. The father didn’t cry. He just looked shocked and he shook his head. He spoke quietly, “Sammy is a fighter. He won’t go down without a fight. Please find my son.”

Castiel repressed a sigh. Everyone thought their child was a fighter. He didn’t want to tell John that he never once saw Sam fight against Lucifer. The videos never once showed Sam thinking independently. If anything, the videos painted Sam as a mindless submissive. However, Castiel knew that any struggle from Sam was edited out. Still with the longevity that Sam survived, he doubted there was much if any power struggle between Sam and Lucifer. Castiel looked around the dirty apartment and he could see how Sam could have gained so little self-worth. Castiel hoped it would be over soon for Sam one way or another. He had worked this job long enough to know there are worse things in life than death. Sometimes death was mercy. 


	14. Chapter 14

Sometimes, Sam felt like he was floating through a river of pain. He felt pain at levels he never imagined. Lucifer hadn’t hit him lately but that didn’t mean Lucifer didn’t hurt him. Pain could be inflicted many ways. Sam was currently laying on the floor in the basement. His hands were tied together and he wanted to crawl away but he didn’t. Sam wanted to be good for Lucifer. Tolerating this torture was the only way he got attention. It was pathetic, Sam knew this, but it beat being cold and alone inside that cage or locked inside a closet.

He felt a jolt on his skin and he felt his muscles contract against his will. Sam grunted with the pain but didn’t otherwise cry out. Lucifer had been shocking him with a cattle prod for about an hour now. His legs were starting to feel a little numb and Sam was grateful for that. Sam had no idea how many times he had be shocked. It was just one constant jolt after another.

He closed his eyes as Lucifer rolled him on his back. Sam felt Lucifer playing with his soft dick. He didn’t want to be touched there but he didn’t say that. Sam felt cold metal against the head of his dick. Sam opened his eyes and saw that Lucifer was about to put a metal rod up his dick. His brain tried to work through this as quickly as possible and Sam found himself pulling away. His lower body was useless so he tried to nudge himself back with his elbow. His wrists were bound so it limited his mobility even more.

Sam found himself begging, “Lucifer, please no.”

Lucifer actually paused for a moment while Sam panted as he tried to catch his breath. Sam’s eyes were locked on Lucifer’s hands around his dick and that metal rod. He had no idea what Lucifer had planned but he did know he didn’t want Lucifer to put something up his dick. That just wasn’t natural. Sam felt Lucifer rub his balls for a couple moments then Sam leaned his head back and tried to relax.

Thinking he was safe was his first mistake. It was one of many mistakes he had made in his life. Sam felt Lucifer gently grab hold of his dick and start to insert the metal rod. Sam struggled slightly until Lucifer commanded, “Stop.” Sam did stay still after that but it didn’t stop the pain. It felt like he was being ripped on the inside and it burned. Sam felt tears come to his eyes. He rarely cried anymore when getting tortured. But this was just too much. It was more of violation than from undue pain.

Sam stared at his dick with the metal rod sticking out. It hurt and it was unnatural. It wasn’t the most uncomfortable thing Lucifer ever did to him. It was just somethings were never meant to happen. Sam was sure this was one of those things. Then Sam watched as Lucifer picked up the cattle prod and put it up to the metal rod. It seemed like life was going in slow motion. Logically, Sam knew what was going to happen. It was like his mind didn’t believe this to be real. Then the pain started and for the first time, Sam screamed.

It went on like that for what felt like hours but by looking at the red numbers on the clock Sam knew it had only been about 30 minutes. He was sobbing and begging Lucifer to stop. Of course, Lucifer didn’t stop. Sam turned his head away from the pain and the jolts. Sam focused on his breathing and calming down. It didn’t really work and he wished he could suffer enough to pass out.

Sam didn’t pass out though. Lucifer did stop eventually and carelessly pulled the rod from his dick. Sam was happy that stupid rod was gone. Then Lucifer grabbed Sam by the hair and pulled him up to his knees. Sam’s legs felt weak and he was pretty sure the only thing keeping him upright was Lucifer’s hold on his hair. Lucifer put his cock in Sam’s mouth and started to thrust in and out forcefully. Sam kept his mouth lax and struggled to breathe while he wondered if it was really worth the struggle. It didn’t take Lucifer long before he was spilling in Sam’s mouth. Sam swallowed as best he could but most of it fell out of his mouth.

When Lucifer let go of Sam’s hair, Sam fell to the ground. Sam felt his wrist twist in the bindings as he hit the ground. It sent another round of pain through him. Sam watched as Lucifer undid the bindings and Sam noticed that his right wrist was starting to swell. It hurt but not as much as the pain Sam felt in his legs, hips, and groin. The muscles were tight from the prodding.

Lucifer said to Sam calmly, “Get up. It is time to go to bed.”

Sam tried to get up but failed, repeatedly. His legs would give out or decide not to move at all. It was like he had no control over them. Sam couldn’t look at Lucifer when he said, “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Lucifer’s face darkened before giving Sam a hard kick in his ass literally. Lucifer’s foot hit Sam in the space between his balls and asshole. The kick did nothing to help Sam with his mobility issues. However, it did add to the level of pain he was feeling.

Sam watched as Lucifer dragged him near the door in the basement that led outside. It was snowing. Lucifer cracked the door open and let go of Sam a few feet from the door. Lucifer’s voice was hard. “I am going to get ready for bed. You will either be in bed by the time I get there or you will spend your night down here.”

Sam watched Lucifer walk away and up the stairs. Sam felt the cold chill of the outside world on his skin. He knew it was getting colder in the room. Sam rolled over on his stomach and started to use his elbows to move along the floor toward the stairs. He didn’t know if he would make it or not, but he wanted to get some place warmer.

As Sam started to pull himself up the stairs relying mostly on his one good arm. He saw the hallucination of Dean sitting at the top of the stairs staring down at him. Sam knew Dean wasn’t real so he kept trying to make his way up the stairs. He heard the hallucination say, _“Sammy, I remember when I carried you down a flight of stairs to save you from burning up. I saved you, Sammy. Why are you going back into the fire?”_

Sam closed his eyes and tried to ignore the hallucination. He made his way to the top the stairs and he thought it was the hallucination touching his heaving shoulder but it was Lucifer. Sam took a couple deep breaths while he centered himself. He stared at Lucifer’s bare feet and the bottom of Lucifer’s pajama pants.

Then Sam heard the most surprising thing in the world. “There is my good boy. You tried so hard for me.” Sam felt Lucifer pick him up and carry him to bed. Lucifer put him down gently and covered Sam’s shaking body with blankets. Then he felt Lucifer get into bed on the other side and cuddle up to him. Sam felt Lucifer kiss the back of head and whisper. “I love you. I’m sorry if I hurt you.” Sam closed his eyes. He felt safe and loved. This was the part he longed for.


	15. Chapter 15

The electricity was out. It meant one on one time with Lucifer. Sam had no idea what Lucifer had planned when he was taken back to Lucifer’s bedroom. Sam watched in silence as Lucifer lit some candles around the room. Then laid down on his bed without his clothes on. It was uncommon for Sam to see Lucifer completely naked like that. It was a little unsettling. Lucifer smiled back at Sam before opening the drawer on the nightstand and pulling out a small bottle of massage lotion. Lucifer said simply, “You’re going to learn how to rub my back.”

Sam lowered his eyes to the ground as he walked over and took the lotion. He knew how to give a backrub. His dad was always getting hurt so he would rub his dad’s back. Sam poured some of the lotion on his hand and waited for it to warm up. Then he spread it around carefully on Lucifer’s back.

He started to rub starting up at the shoulders and neck. Sam twisted his thumbs in Lucifer’s skin which earned him a groan of what Sam hoped was pleasure from the older man. Carefully Sam rubbed down along Lucifer’s spine then back up. He started to rub with the palms of his hands along Lucifer’s shoulders as he worked his way down. Sam spent extra time working out each knot he found.

After about an hour, Lucifer seemed pretty relaxed under him. Sam was also aroused which was odd for him. He liked the sight of pleasing his dominant. The way Lucifer was relaxed and happy just made Sam’s submissive side happy. He liked taking care of Lucifer.

Then Lucifer said, “Sam, I want your mouth on my asshole.”

Sam stared at Lucifer’s ass for a moment. He knew he didn’t mishear Lucifer but he really wished he had. Sam shuffled down a little on the bed and rubbed his hands on Lucifer’s ass cheeks. He was rallying his bravery. Sam reasoned with himself that he should try it because he might like it.

He leaned his head down and licked a swipe along Lucifer’s crack. The taste made him want to gag. Sam knew that he now had firsthand knowledge of what ass tasted like and it wasn’t good. Sam hesitated a little before licking again. He had to pull away after each short lick to keep from gagging. It occurred to him that part of the problem was Lucifer wasn’t fully cleaned in that area. Sam knew there was no way he was going to mention that.

Slowly, Sam’s licks became more confident. Mostly because Sam had cleaned Lucifer with his tongue so the taste wasn’t so bad now or maybe he was getting used to it. Either way, Sam had Lucifer moaning under him and Sam’s own dick was half interested. Sam snaked his tongue inside of Lucifer and Lucifer groaned. Then Lucifer said, “That is enough, Sam. Get on all fours for me.”

Sam moved off of Lucifer and got on all fours. He felt the bed shift as Lucifer got behind him. Then Lucifer reached around and started stroking Sam’s dick. The first thing Sam noticed was Lucifer’s hand was wet with lotion. It made the sensation better and Sam was building quickly to an orgasm. Sam asked quietly, “May I come, Lucifer?”

Lucifer chuckled and continued stroking. He replied coldly, “Only if you tell me what you are.”

Sam gasped and wrapped his hands in the sheets. He had a silent moan before he said, “I am yours. I.. I am your slave, your property. I am nothing without you.”

Lucifer commanded, “Good boy, come for your master.” And Sam did. He shook and gasped. Sam didn’t get to come very often and the sensation was always intense. The pleasure from it was the best thing that Sam ever felt in his life.

As Sam was coming down from his orgasm, he felt Lucifer enter him. It was dry as always and it hurt. Lucifer didn’t hit him though. Lucifer caressed him and made him feel loved.

++

Dean laid out on the hood of the Impala. He had Lisa in his arms. Dean had given up on posting missing persons flyers for Sam. After his dad told him about the FBI agent’s visit, Dean knew no one was going to see Sam. So Dean went home or to the home his father setup. He started seeing Lisa. Dean had been with her once on a one night stand a couple months ago. Dean knocked her up so now he was having to deal with the consequences of that. He knew he would be staying here even after his father left.

Dean put his hand on Lisa’s belly and whispered, “I think we should name our baby Sam.”

Lisa rolled her eyes and looked at Dean. She was a dom like him and it caused clashes. She moved her hand away and said simply, “I am not naming my son or daughter after a sub. That would be disgraceful.”

Dean shifted away from her. That was another thing about Lisa, she had old world beliefs. Lisa didn’t see the value in subs and she treated the ones she saw like trash. Lisa would be one of those people that thought Sam should have been kept at home on a leash and maybe she was right. At least if Sam was leashed at home, he would have been safe. Sure Sam would have been pissed but Sam would have been safe.

Still, Dean didn’t want Lisa talking poorly of Sam. He glared at Lisa and stated, “Sam is not disgraceful. I have no problem calling my brother a submissive. When Sam gets home, I am going to find him the best dominant there is.”

Lisa chuckled and slid off the hood of the car. She glanced back at Dean and said, “No one is going to want used meat. Your brother has probably been fucked by more doms than he can count and he probably enjoyed every moment of it. Subs are whores, Dean. Your brother is a whore. Sorry.”

Dean closed his eyes and reminded himself that it was not okay to hit a girl. He took a couple calming breaths and said simply, “I think I should take you home. It is late.”

Lisa raised her eyebrow, “Are you trying to get rid of me, Winchester?”

Dean shook his head and said as his voice cracked, “My brother is getting tortured and raped. For you to think that he deserves that because he is a submissive is just wrong to me. He never did anything to deserve this. If anyone deserves to be called a whore, it is both of us. We fucked far more people of our own free will than Sammy ever had. He deserves someone that will treat him right.”

Lisa laughed and stared at the sky. “You have a weird way of thinking, Dean.”


	16. Chapter 16

Gabriel Milton was a busy man. He had the world’s most useless submissive at home. Actually useless was an understatement. She was just awful, lazy, and stupid. Gabriel knew he should have looked at more than her tits when he took her in. She had two children from previous relationships and the one he had with her. That was why he kept her around, he knew the courts tended to give custody to the submissive parent.

He was currently on his way home from one of his four jobs. Kali also had a spending problem and before he took her name off of all the cards, she racked up quite a debt. Gabriel had to repay his debts and his efforts to force Kali to get off her ass and get a job have been in vein. Even getting Kali to clean the house was pointless. She never did anything and usually these days Gabriel found himself sleeping on the sofa.

Gabriel knew that his dominant friends thought he was failing at controlling Kali and he probably was. He just wasn’t one to hit someone. He didn’t feel that was right and Kali had fits of rage sometimes. She would throw things, curse, and sometimes set small fires. It was one of the few times, he actually restrained her. Usually, he would just lock her in a closet until she calmed down. He never left her in there until she felt sorry for what she did because Gabriel was certain if he tried that she would be in there until she died.

Gabriel unlocked his house and stepped inside. It was two in the morning. He had to be up at six to get the kids ready for school and go to work his full-time day job as a counselor at a college. He shuffled through the house and started a load of laundry. Gabriel didn’t think the kids had any sports things this week but he wasn’t sure. He stretched and yawned as he walked through the dimly lit house. Gabriel stopped at the door to his step-son’s room. The child was sitting on his bed looking upset.

Gabriel knocked once and stepped into the room. He asked tiredly, “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

Odin looked up and shook his head no. He crumpled up the papers that were on his bed and tossed them in the corner. Odin said bitterly, “I am a dominant. I am going to up just like you. I am going to do everything while some spoiled bitch just sits on her ass all day.” Odin laughed bitterly, “I mean look at you. All you do is work to talk care of us. No one ever does shit for you. Your family never calls. Mom just demands and whines. How can you live like that?”

Gabriel sighed and walked over to Odin’s bed and sat down. It was really too late for this. He said calmly, “I know my life is a mess, Odin. I am here because I want to be in Claire’s life. If I leave then I may only see Claire on weekends and I don’t want that. Not to mention, your mom may not let me see you or your sister if I left and I love you, kids.”

Odin flopped back down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He stated coldly, “You aren’t here now. You’re working all the time. Mom tells Claire that you’re not home because you don’t like her.” Gabriel frowned and he decided somethings were going to change.

He got up from his step-son’s room. Gabriel marched into his wife’s bedroom and flickered on the light. She glared at him as he pulled the blankets and sheets off the bed. Kali yelled and threw the clock on the nightstand at Gabriel. It missed and Gabriel crossed his arms, “Kali, you have to find a fulltime job to help with expenses and start taking care of the house. If you don’t, I am going to leave you. Now get out of my bed because I would like to get some sleep.”

Kali actually growled at him and Gabriel just waited for her to attack. She pounced on him and Gabriel wrapped his arms around her waist and threw her out of the bedroom. He locked the door once she was on the other side. He could hear her pounding on the door but he paid no mind to it. Gabriel put the blankets back on the bed and turned off the lights. He reset his alarm for seven because he was only going to worry about his child from now on. He couldn’t carry the burden for everyone.

++

Lucifer smiled at the pretty dark haired teenage girl in front of him. She would be perfect to take the pressure off of Sam. It would give the audiences something new to look at. She looked like a little punk which would just make her all the better to breakdown. He flashed a coy smile and asked, “So Ruby, how do you feel about heading back to the motel with me? I want to see if your body meets my expectations.” Lucifer knew the teenagers fell for that line every time. It wasn’t that they were ego driven. It was that typically a teenager doesn’t feel they are attractive and fear they won’t be to a dom. It makes them more than willing to strip it all off.

Ruby gave a nervous smile and said, “Yes, sir.” Lucifer smiled. This one was quite respectful.

Lucifer led her back to his motel room and she obediently followed him inside. She wasn’t hesitant like Sam was. Sam was almost apprehensive about going inside the room with him. Once she was inside the room, he closed and locked it behind him. He smiled at her and said simply, “Strip.”

Ruby removed her clothes quickly and she did have a nice body. It was full of soft curves and a decent size chest. She looked more developed than her sixteen years of life should have given her. It would make her investment shorter. Users tended to like flatter chested women. Crowley, Lucifer’s business partner, surmised it was because flat chested teenagers tended to look younger. They had a longer shelf life than someone like Ruby. But that wasn’t of much concern to Lucifer.

He circled around the girl and traced his hand over her bare hip. Lucifer leaned in and whispered in her ear, “I am going to take some pictures of you.”

Ruby looked up at him and grinned, “Okay.”

++

It was a few hours later and Lucifer had some decent pictures of the girl. She moaned like a whore during a spanking. She even begged for more. It was something, Sam never did. He watched Ruby get dressed with a grin on her face. That was his cue. He spoke sternly, “Ruby, you are going to come home with me. If you don’t, these pictures you took tonight will end up on your father’s desk at his work. Now you don’t want that do you?”

Ruby laughed at him and finished lacing up her boots. She shrugged and looked him in the eye. “I don’t care what you show that piece of shit but I had a good time tonight. I wouldn’t mind meeting up again in a couple months when I have a break from school.” Then Ruby turned and walked out the door.

Lucifer was a little dumbfounded. It had never played out that way before. They always came with him. He sighed. She knew his face. She knew what he did. He mentioned Sam to her. She knew too much and she just walked away. Ruby could be running her mouth to her friends or parents right now.

Shit. Shit. Shit. He had to catch her before she got too far.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is full of triggers and explains where Sam is while Lucifer is with Ruby. No, Sam really can't catch a break.

Sam was with Azazel for the weekend. He didn’t remember the drive to Azazel’s house. Lucifer gave him something that made him sleepy. Sam just couldn’t keep his eyes open for the journey. Sam was disappointed about that because he was curious about where they were going to, but Lucifer didn’t provide any details. Of course, Lucifer never provided details. He knew he was going to be with Azazel for the weekend. But nothing beyond that.

Sam was dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt with sandals. He was sitting on the floor at Azazel’s house which was in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by trees. It looked a little creepy, but Sam knew he was also drugged when he arrived. So it was possible that was skewing his judgment a little bit or a lot.

Azazel walked up to Sam and said simply, “Strip.”

Sam stared at Azazel’s feet and shook his head no. Then he said, “No.” He felt a knot in his stomach with the thought of having to take his clothes off and he didn’t want to do that. Sam also knew he didn’t have Lucifer’s permission to do that and he didn’t want to get punished. However, Sam also knew that Lucifer told him to obey Azazel or at least he was pretty sure he did. Sam wasn’t completely sure if Lucifer said that. His head was still a little fuzzy.

Azazel grabbed Sam by his arm and pulled him up. Sam stumbled when he stood but he kept his head down. Once he was standing, he felt Azazel's hands go under his shirt and start to pull it up. Azazel whispered into his ear, “Be a good boy now and I won’t have any reason to tell Lucifer about you telling me no.”

Sam put his hand on the bottom of his shirt and he tried to pull away but it was useless. Azazel was stronger than him. Most people were stronger than Sam though. Sam knew he was weak from not getting enough to eat and enough sleep. Lucifer was letting him eat now, but he only ate twice a day. Once in the morning and once in the evening. He was still only allowed to eat half of what Lucifer ate, but it was better than nothing.

Sam continued to struggle in Azazel’s hold but the stronger man did manage to get his shirt off. Sam felt Azazel cuff his wrists together behind his back. Sam didn’t want that. He tried kicking Azazel away but Azazel just grabbed hold of Sam around the waist. Then Azazel undid the button on Sam’s pants and let them fall to Sam’s ankles. Sam stumbled and fought in vein as Azazel dragged him back to a bedroom.

Once they were inside the room, Azazel shoved Sam over to the bed and secured his wrists to the headboard. Then Azazel easily removed the rest of Sam’s clothes. Sam looked at his bruised and naked body. Then he looked at Azazel. He didn’t meet Azazel’s eyes which left him unsure of what Azazel was going to do to him.

Azazel sat down on the bed next to Sam and said gently, “Sam, I want to make love to you.” Sam saw a smile play on Azazel’s lips and Sam thought he was going to throw up.

He shifted away from Azazel as much as he could and he pleaded, “Please don’t. I don’t want to do that.”

Azazel leaned down and kissed gently along Sam’s face while Sam stared at the ceiling and tried to control his breathing. Azazel ran a hand down Sam’s chest and whispered in Sam’s ear, “Just relax, Sam. I’m going to take care of you and I am going to make you feel good. Don’t you want to feel good?”

Sam shook his head no and said with a shaky voice, “No, just please don’t. I would rather be beaten.”

Azazel paused his touching for a short moment before he continued. Sam didn’t know if his words had an impact on Azazel or not. It did cause a pause but it didn’t stop anything. Sam closed his eyes as a couple of tears fell down his face and he tried to hold in a sob. It didn’t work and the desperate sound escaped him.

Azazel kissed his throat and said softy, “Shhh little one, it’s okay.” Sam felt Azazel shift so he was in between Sam’s legs. Then he felt Azazel’s finger by his hole and Sam noticed it felt slick as the finger entered him. Azazel moved the finger and out gently as he continued to kiss Sam’s body.

Sam was crying freely now. Choked sobs escaped him from time to time and his body shook. Azazel’s fingers were stretching him open carefully. Sam’s dick was uninterested in with what was happening to his body until Azazel slipped down and put Sam’s dick in his mouth. Sam felt himself start to harden in Azazel’s mouth as Azazel sucked.

Sam found himself begging again between sobs, “Please, I don’t want this. Please, stop. Please, cage me. Please, stop. Dad help. I’m sorry.” It didn’t take Sam long to get to a point of desperation and his mind was in a loop of no, no, no. Of course Azazel didn’t stop and much to Sam’s dismay, he climaxed in Azazel’s mouth. Sam had never been more disgusted in himself.

Once he orgasmed, Sam felt Azazel enter him. For once Sam was stretched and lubed so it wasn’t as painful. Sam was feeling pretty numb at this point but he was still sobbing. Azazel took his time and rocked in and out of Sam slowly. He whispered praise and reassurance in Sam’s ear. Sam didn’t like the reassurance though. He didn’t like any of this. When Azazel did come inside of him, Sam convulsed from disgust. Most of Sam’s disgust was with himself. He believed he was pathetic.

Azazel pulled out slowly as Sam’s sobbing softened. He kissed Sam on the forehead and whispered, “Such a good boy, Sam. Take these pills. They will help you to calm down.” Sam knew to take medication he was given. He opened his mouth for the pills and swallowed them. Azazel even gave him a small drink of water. It wasn’t long before the world was getting fuzzy again.

++

When Sam woke up, he was outside, sort of. He was chained up by his collar underneath Azazel’s porch. There was a small heater to keep the space warm on his naked body. Sam could see the woods surrounding him and he could see a layer of frost on the ground. In some spots there was snow, but not everywhere.

Sam sat up and he was glad his hands were free. He ran his hands in the dirt and picked some of it up. He spread it over his inner thighs to cover up how dirty he was. He kept spreading the dirt until he was sure no one could tell where the dirt ended and his dirtiness began. Sam didn’t know how to process what happened to him. He just knew he had to hide how dirty he was. 

He reached up his hand and he noticed that his collar was only latched to the chain in the ground. Sam undid the latch and the chain fall to the ground. That was when something clicked in his head and Sam pulled himself out from under the porch. Then he started running. He wasn’t sure why he was running. The voices weren’t telling him what to do. It just felt like if he wanted to live, he should run.

It wasn’t long before Sam heard footsteps behind him. He could feel rocks and sticks cutting into his feet as he ran. Sam ran until he reached a frozen stream of water and slipped. He fell on the ice. It gave whoever was following him time to catch him. Sam struggled to get up as an arm grabbed him around the waist.

Sam struggled and cried out, “Dad help. I’m sorry. Please help me, Dad!” He scratched at the person holding him as he screamed. Then Sam felt a towel over his mouth. He tried not to breathe at first but it was no use. No one was going to save him. No one ever saved him from anything because he was nothing.

++

When Sam woke up again, he was back under the porch. He had a blanket over him. His hands were handcuffed together and locked to the chain. He wasn’t going anywhere. Sam felt nauseated then he threw up on the ground. His head hurt and Sam wasn’t sure what happened.

He rolled away from his vomit and stared at the wood from the porch. Sam wasn’t completely lucid and he found himself sobbing, “Dad, I need you.” He felt his eyes slip closed again as he longed for his father to make everything better and to protect him. 

 


	18. Chapter 18

Lucifer was livid when he got a call from Azazel about Sam’s little stunt. It pissed him off to no end that Sam would even dare to try to run away. Azazel told him about Sam’s reluctance to obey from the start and that angered Lucifer even more. Lucifer was stressed and he did not need Sam’s drama right now. He wasn’t able to find Ruby after she left. She was in the wind and he would have to wait for her to log back in online. Once he got back in contact with her, he would have to lure her to another meeting but that would take time.

Right now, he had to punish Sam. He knew in the past, he would have just killed Sam. But he had feelings for Sam and he wasn’t sure he liked the feelings. It scared him. It caused him to make irrational choices like not killing the boy for being a little shit. Lucifer unlocked the chain from handcuffs on Sam’s wrists. Then he attached a leash to Sam’s collar. Sam was laying in his own filth under Azazel’s pouch. It was clear the chloroform made Sam sick. This much was to be expected but Sam shouldn’t have ran. Lucifer thought he trained Sam better than that but he was clearly wrong.

Lucifer dragged Sam into Azazel’s house as he listened to Sam’s pleading, “Please Lucifer… Master.. I am sorry. Please.. I’m sorry.” Lucifer knew that Sam knew he was going to get punished. He spoke with Azazel about proper punishment to really get to Sam and Lucifer was certain he thought of the perfect one. It just required a few friends to help out.

He bent Sam over the dining room table. It was the best place for this sort of thing. Sam was shaking but not crying. Lucifer knew Sam was scared and that was okay. The professional side of him wanted that. He quickly secured Sam’s limbs to the table. He pulled Sam’s cuffed hands above his head and tied a rope to the cuffs which he connected to one of the legs of the table. Then he secured each of Sam’s legs to the table. He wrapped a rope around Sam’s torso to keep him flat against the table and to minimize his struggling.   

Sam looked at him and Lucifer smiled. Sam’s voice shook, “What are you going to do to me?”

Lucifer ran a hand through Sam’s hair and whispered in his ear, “My friends and I are going to spank you and fuck you for being a bad boy.”

Sam closed his eyes and Lucifer saw the tears start up. Sam pleaded, “I.. I don’t want to be shared.”

Lucifer felt angry suddenly. He twisted Sam’s hair in his grip painfully and asked, “What are you here for then? Your job is to do what I say and if that means fucking my friends then you fuck my friends.”

Sam sobbed and begged, “I didn’t know that. Please let me go. I won’t tell anyone.”

Lucifer hummed for a moment and sighed. He did tell Sam he was free to leave if he wanted to. Of course, when Lucifer said that he had every intention of killing the boy to set him free. But he didn’t tell Sam that. Instead Lucifer said simply, “After your punishment we can discuss that.”

++

Castiel stared at the video in front of him. It was a live streaming which made Castiel question his sanity for even watching this. They had thus far failed at tracking the IP address which was disappointing. Castiel stared at the image of Sam tied down to a table and begging for his freedom and quite possibly his life. He knew from experience it was nearing the end for Sam. Castiel knew by the end of this live streaming that he could be watching Sam’s remains be destroyed.

He watched as a masked man walked up behind Sam with a paddle that had metal pins sticking out of it. The pins looked like they were at a point. Castiel found himself wincing as the first few hits fell on Sam’s rear. The boy was crying but Castiel doubted Sam was crying about pain. He watched as the pin pricks in Sam’s skin caused him to bleed. The masked man gave Sam about twenty more hard swats before he dropped the bloodied paddle to the ground. Then without any preamble, the man started raping Sam.

Unlike the times Castiel watched Sam get raped before, this time Sam was completely lucid and begging the man to stop. The interesting thing was Sam didn’t really struggle against the ropes. He wasn’t sure Sam would have much luck if he tried struggling and perhaps Sam knew it was pointless, but Castiel just expected something more. He already knew what the defense attorneys would say. Sam didn’t use his safe word. Castiel was 100 percent sure, Sam didn’t have a safe word. Not to mention a safe word was irrelevant because Sam was still underage.  

He sat his elbows on his desk and rubbed his temples. Castiel mused himself with a what his sister, Hannah, would say if he told her he spent his Sunday afternoon watching a gang rape. She could probably tell him he needs to get a life and he can’t save everyone. He knew that was true but he wanted to save this kid. He wanted to save them all but he couldn’t and he failed more times than he won. At least, he wasn’t the one to knock on parents’ doors and admit his failure. Someone else got to tell the parents their children were never coming home. 

Castiel glanced up at the screen again. Another man was beating Sam’s back with a paddle that had a design carved in it. The design was leaving imprints on Sam’s skin where it hit. Castiel idly thought that under different circumstances that could be neat. Then he heard a minor slip. The man with the paddle asked, “Hey Nick, do you like what I am doing to your slut's back?”

Nick. Lucifer’s name was Nick or probably Nicholas but it was something more. Castiel had just reduced his population of assholes. He now only had every dominant in the entire country named Nick as a suspect. _Fantastic._ Castiel thought to himself because it would figure that Lucifer’s real name would be common.

Castiel watched Nick come into view. Nick didn’t have a shirt on but he had a lightning bolt necklace around his neck. Castiel wondered if that was connected to any sort of organization or if it was just personal taste. If it was a group then that might help narrow down the suspects. Castiel felt energized. He may not be able to save Sam’s life, but he could find Sam’s killers.


	19. Chapter 19

Sam was laying on the floor at Lucifer’s house. Lucifer was talking on the phone to someone as the evening television shows aired in the background. It had been a couple months since Sam got punished at Azazel’s house. Things that Sam would rather not think about had happened like that since then and it left Sam feeling broken inside. He felt an emptiness and desperation inside of him but he couldn’t figure out what he was missing.

Sam didn’t hope for death or life. He didn’t hope for anything. Sam was stuck in the moment. His focus was on breathing and not doing anything to upset Lucifer. Moments dragged on far longer than memories for Sam. The moment hurt. The memories were images of things he didn’t want to believe.  Lucifer started giving him more vitamins, as he called them. Sam knew he was getting drugged. He had figured that out, but he hadn’t figured out how not to take the pills without Lucifer knowing. The pills made Sam only care about the moment. The pills even silenced the voices. Now Sam was completely alone. The voices were his only friends.

Sam stared at Lucifer’s feet as Lucifer idly hit him while he talked on the phone. Lucifer was angry with whoever he was talking to. Sam was careful not to whimper or make noise when he got hit. He knew that would only cause him to be punished further. As it was Sam didn’t know what he did wrong or if Lucifer was just taking out his frustrations out on him.

As Sam rolled on his side so Lucifer would punch a different part of him, Lucifer landed a punch in the center of his chest. It was a hard punch and Sam heard a crack. It was a sound that came from inside of him. It sounded like it was coming up from his core and then pain exploded in Sam’s chest. Sam sat up and scooted away from Lucifer as he tried to breathe but it hurt. Every breath felt like fire. Every movement was agony. Lucifer glared at Sam but it hurt too much to try say anything to appease him.

Sam tried to focus on his breathing but it hurt so badly. He wished he didn’t have to breathe. Sam felt like he was about to cough and he gestured his intent to Lucifer. He knew Lucifer wouldn’t want whoever he was speaking with to hear him coughing in the background. Sam retreated to the bathroom.

He placed his hands on the counter as he started to cough. It felt like he was being tortured by his own body and he probably was. Then Sam noticed a metallic taste in his mouth. He looked in down at the sink and saw specks of blood in the sink. It shocked Sam a little and he felt like the haze was lifting. He looked up at himself in the mirror and saw blood on his lips. He reached up a hand and felt his sternum. He could feel a crack going about half way up. There was a dark bruise forming around it. It was then that Sam knew, if he stayed with Lucifer, he was going to end up dead. Sam knew he had to get out of here. He just had to figure out how.  

He was pulled from his moment when he noticed Lucifer leaning against the door frame. Lucifer snarled at him, “What is wrong with you this time?"

Lucifer always got mad when he mentioned being hurt. Still Sam knew he had to say something. It hurt to speak but Sam managed to say, “When you hit me, you broke the bone in the center of my rib cage.”

Lucifer stepped forward and grabbed hold of Sam’s arm. He pressed his fingers into Sam’s sternum and felt his way down the bone. It was a hard touch that brought tears to Sam’s eyes. Lucifer gave the area a hard push and said simply, “Stop blaming me for shit you do to yourself. You hurt yourself all the time and you always try to blame me. Grow up, Sam. And stop being so weak. It is annoying.”

Sam looked down at Lucifer’s feet and whispered, “I’m sorry, Lucifer.”

++

Three days later Sam was laying in Lucifer’s bed. It was dark outside. Sam glanced at the clock on Lucifer’s side of the bed. It was 2 a.m. He stared at the ceiling and he knew this was his moment. This was his chance. He carefully got up from bed as quietly as he could. It still hurt to breathe but he paid no mind to that.

He snuck into the guest bedroom and slipped on one if his two sets of clothes. Sam quietly zipped up the backpack where he kept his meager belongings. He had $75 that he had been collecting from doing Lucifer’s laundry. Lucifer sometimes left money in his pockets. Sam knew it wouldn’t get him far but maybe he could find his way. Sam took off his collar and sat it down on the shelf. Then he carefully walked out into the living room as he made his way toward the front door.

That was when his plan fell apart. He heard Lucifer’s firm voice behind him. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Sam paused and turned around slowly. Somewhere in his mind, he knew he should be running. But that thought was trampled down by the memories. He didn’t want his memories to become moments again. He couldn’t run. Still, Sam wanted to leave. He said quietly, “You said I am free to go. You have Ruby coming here in a couple weeks. All you talk about is her. I know you’re replacing me and I would rather not be here to see it.”

Lucifer shook his head and crossed his arms on his chest. His tone left no room for questioning. “You’re not leaving in the middle of the night with no place to go. Ruby isn’t replacing you as you think. I like young slaves. You’re going to be 18 soon. You’re getting old, age wise. I am by no means tired of you and I have feelings for you. I want you here because I like being around you, but I also want Ruby here to satisfy needs you can’t meet because you’re old and weak.”

Sam took a shallow breath and gathered his courage. There wasn’t much of it but at this moment he found some courage that he must have kept locked away in his mind. Sam’s voice shook when he said, “No, I want to leave now. I can call my dad. He’ll come get me or Dean will. They might punish me but they will come for me.”

Lucifer looked angry all of a sudden. Lucifer stalked across the room and grabbed hold of Sam by his hair to try to push Sam down to his knees. Something inside of Sam snapped at that moment. Sam was wearing boots. He lifted up his leg and slammed his foot down on Lucifer’s bare foot. It caused Lucifer to loosen his grip enough for Sam to successfully pull away. Sam moved quickly toward the door, but Lucifer grabbed Sam’s backpack. It sent Sam stumbling back. Lucifer snarled at him, “You little shit.”

Before Sam could really process what was happening, Lucifer straddled Sam and started laying down punches on his chest. Lucifer’s main target was the center. Each hit left Sam wheezing and gasping for air. Sam tired to fight back but his hands couldn’t stop Lucifer’s fists. Bucking his hips couldn’t get Lucifer off of him. All Sam could do was feel the all too familiar pain. Sam didn’t like this moment much, but he knew it would be a memory soon.

++

The next morning, Sam found himself at the bus station with a ticket in his hand. Lucifer had let him go like he promised but Sam’s heart ached. Part of him wanted his relationship with Lucifer to be forever and it wasn’t. Sam loved Lucifer and it tore him up inside to know Lucifer was moving on to that bitch Ruby. Sam felt certain that if she wasn’t in the picture then maybe he would still have a chance with Lucifer. He knew he couldn’t change being old and when he looked in the mirror before he left, he could see that he was old. Youth was a fleeting thing.

Sam stepped on the bus. His destination was his Uncle Bobby’s house. Bobby was the only person that he knew with a permanent address. When he tried to call his dad, he got voicemail. Sam didn’t leave a voicemail. He didn’t have enough change for the pay phone to call Bobby. He hoped Bobby would let him in. Sam still had $75 to his name since Lucifer paid for his bus ticket.

He sat down in his seat and wiped the tears from his face. Leaving Lucifer was harder than leaving his father and Dean. Sam just felt so disobedient inside and he wanted to run off this bus to beg Lucifer to take him back. He stared at the door to the bus as other people made their way on the bus maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe if he went back he could prove he was strong and he could try to look as young as possible. Maybe he could make this right and not be an unwanted old submissive.  


	20. Chapter 20

Bobby was sitting down to watch some evening television while he enjoyed a can of beer when he heard a knock on the door. He grumbled because he was certain he had locked the gate to the salvage yard. However, if someone was knocking on his door this late, he figured they must be in need. He wouldn’t turn them away.

He opened the door slowly and he was pretty sure he stopped breathing when he saw the person standing in front of him. It was his nephew, Sammy. He had thought for sure Sam was dead with everything John told him but here Sam was. Sam didn’t look well but he was alive and that was what mattered. Without thinking too much about it, he pulled Sam into a hug. Sam actually flinched away from Bobby, but Bobby still managed to hug the boy. He didn’t want to let go until he heard Sam wheezing.

He pulled back but kept a hand on Sam’s shoulder and studied Sam for a moment. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Sam was hurt. Bobby just wasn’t sure how to approach it. The last thing he wanted to do was spook Sam and cause him to take off again. He pulled his hand away and gestured toward the house. Bobby kept is tone upbeat, “Come in, Sam. You know you’re always welcome here.”

Sam nodded but didn’t say anything. Bobby noticed a slight tremor in Sam’s hand as he followed his nephew in the house. Bobby watched as Sam dropped his backpack to the floor. Then Sam stood there like he wasn’t sure what to do. Bobby knew what John had told him about the visit from the FBI. It gave Bobby an idea of how Sam was treated and the realization that making basic choices was going to be difficult for Sam for a while.

Bobby was about to ask Sam to sit when Sam finally spoke. Sam’s voice was rougher than it was and spoke of how tired Sam must be, “Is it okay if I stay here for a few days? I will be out of your hair after that, I promise. I know nobody wants me..”

Bobby cut Sam off with a firm, “None of that nonsense, Sam. You can stay here as long as you like. I can help you either get enrolled back in school or get your GED, whichever. I can also help you get a job and stuff. I will sleep better if I know you’re safe. Now, your daddy has an apartment a few hours from here. In the town you were staying in when you disappeared. I can take you to your dad, if you want.” Bobby paused and added, “But Sam that is entirely up to you.”

Sam nodded again and actually sat down this time. Bobby noted how gingerly Sam sat down and he could see the pain on Sam’s face even though Sam was doing a good job of hiding it. Sam hadn’t actually looked at him yet. Bobby noticed that Sam had so far been keeping his head down. It was almost like Sam was cowering. Sam’s voice was barely a whisper, “Thanks Uncle Bobby, but ah.. Can you not tell him I am here?”

Bobby let out a slow breath. The feds were looking for Sam. They were going to have questions. Dean was out of his mind with worry and John was just trying to drink to forget how royally he screwed up with Sam. Bobby had told John for years not to talk about submissives the way he did. Bobby, honestly, did not expect Sam to be a sub. He was expecting Dean to be one. But looking back it made sense. Sam was the younger one and always, albeit disgruntledly a few times, did as he was told. Sam liked to make people happy. He would do stuff like bring home a report card to show off or try to fix something to show his worth. Dean would run around with his little friends and paid no mind to that sort of thing. Sam wanted to please people. Dean never cared what other people thought. Dean only cared about making sure his family, especially Sam, were safe and taken care of. 

Bobby lied to Sam, “I won’t say anything unless you want me to.” He fully intended on letting John know but he wasn’t going to tell Sam that.

Sam gave a small tired smile but didn’t say anything else. They fell into an uncomfortable silence. Bobby wasn’t sure what to say and Sam’s eyes were closed. He wasn’t sure if Sam was trying to sleep or if he was in pain. Bobby decided to do what he could.

He clapped his hands together softly and said, “Sammy, Dean left some of his pajamas here the last time he was stayed over. They are clean and up in the guest room. Why don’t you go shower and change? I can fix you something to eat while you get settled in.”

Sam opened his eyes and looked off some place in the distance. He spoke softly, “I am okay, Bobby. You don’t need to fix me anything to eat. Can I just go to bed?”

Bobby frowned but thought better than to order Sam to eat. He said gently, “Of course, Sam. Go get some rest.” Sam stood up slowly and picked up his backpack. He slowly made his way up the stairs while he had hand in the center of his chest.  Bobby spoke up as Sam was on the third step, “I’m glad you’re home, Sammy. I’m here for whatever you need. I love you, kid.” Sam paused with Bobby’s words but didn’t comment.

 ++

Lucifer sped up his plan to get Ruby after dropping Sam off at the bus stop. He grabbed her on her way home from school. She was pissed but obedient about it. Lucifer knew it would take some time to get her to lose the attitude. He needed someone quickly to replace Sam and while he knew her body type was different than Sam, he hoped she could still generate revenue. Lucifer knew he may need to find another boy in addition to Ruby.

Lucifer wasn’t sure why he let Sam go. He had threatened Sam after he beat him into submission. Sam swore not to speak of this to anyone. Lucifer instructed Sam to call him. He wanted to keep tabs on the boy. He didn’t want to have to kill Sam. Lucifer was unable to identify what he was feeling for Sam but until he figured that out, Lucifer thought the best place for Sam was far away from him as possible.

Lucifer watched as Ruby adjusted the collar around her neck. It was Sam’s collar and the collar around the necks of the slaves before Sam. Sam was the only not to die with it on. Sam was the only one that ever dared to take it off. Sam was the only one who tried everything to please him and failure regularly. The ones in the past never really tried.

Ruby spoke lightly, “What happened to Sam?”

Lucifer looked up from what he was writing. He frowned a Ruby and stated firmly, “Eyes down, slave.” He paused and waited for her to lower her eyes. Then he said, “I let him go. He didn’t fit my needs. He was needy and weak. Sam.. Sam just wasn’t a good slave. He was full of excuses on why and he hurt himself on a regular basis. Not to mention, he is bat shit crazy. The boy hears voices.”

Ruby shrugged and stated as if it was nothing, “I will prove to you I am the most loyal. I don’t want anyone else besides you.” Lucifer grinned. It was going to be fun to break her down.


	21. Chapter 21

Bobby had phoned John after he was sure Sam was asleep. In true John Winchester fashion, John couldn’t get to the salvage yard to see Sam for a week. Bobby thought this was okay because he needed to get Sam to agree to see his father. Bobby didn’t know how the feds were going to react but John promised to protect Sam the best he could. Since Sam was still a minor, the feds had to get John’s permission to talk to Sam without a court order. Even with a court order there could be stipulations about what could be asked. Bobby just hoped that Sam wouldn’t find himself in any trouble.

He woke up early in the morning and for him early was around seven. Bobby wandered downstairs to see Sam sitting nervously in one of the chairs. The tremors were getting worse and Sam’s skin was flush. Sam did not appear to be doing well. Bobby took a deep breath and was grateful he read a number of parenting books to help John out over the years. Still, he knew he was in uncharted territory. There wasn’t a book on how to talk to a teenage boy about how to deal with being locked up and tortured for nearly a year.

Carefully Bobby asked, “Sam, are you doing okay?”

Sam shook his head no and wiped his shaking hand on the back of his forehead. His nephew was sweating a lot. Bobby could see it now. He could see the white t-shirt Sam was wearing sticking to his back. He could also see dark patches of what Bobby could only assume were bruises on Sam’s back.

Bobby waited for Sam to say something but after a few moments of nothing, Bobby asked, “Sam, can you tell me what is wrong?” He really wanted to take Sam to the doctor. Sam looked like he needed care. He just didn’t want someone to think he did this to Sam. God, if someone thought he did this, he was going to end up in jail.

Sam closed his eyes and whispered, “It is after 6:30.”

Bobby looked around. It was seven so that statement was correct. However, that did nothing to answer his question about what was wrong. Bobby decided to take a chance and asked, “What happens after 6:30?”

Sam opened his eyes and started to stand. His voice stammered when he said, “No.. Nothing, I should fix you breakfast.” Bobby watched Sam stand up and take a couple steps. Then Sam fell to the floor. Bobby caught Sam part way but it hardly broke all of the fall. At least Sam didn’t hit his head. Sam was convulsing on in Bobby’s arms. His nephew’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he made a short choking sound.

Bobby was terrified. Bobby kept a loose hold on Sam until the convulsions stopped but when they did Sam was unconscious. He felt a pulse on Sam’s neck. Bobby stood up slowly as he rested Sam’s head on the floor. He stared at his nephew for a moment. He didn’t know how to help Sam. Bobby walked over to his phone and dialed 911 so he could get an ambulance to take Sam to the hospital.

++

Dean was pacing. It seemed like a good reaction to what was going on. He pulled his dad out of work and drove them to South Dakota when he got the call from Bobby. None of them had been allowed back to see Sam and that just made Dean more nervous. All Dean knew was it didn’t matter what it cost him, he was going to kill the bastard that did this to Sam.

Sam would tell him everything even if he had to beat it out of Sam. Dean had never understood the expression seeing red until he heard Bobby’s description of Sam. All Dean wanted to do was kill that bastard.

++

Sam listened as carefully as he could. He hurt so badly and he felt tired. Sam just wanted this to end. He could hear the voices again and he could see them. A man in a white coat talked to him, “Sam, my name is Dr. Kadinsky. You are in the hospital. Your uncle called an ambulance after you had a seizure. Can you tell me where you are?”

Sam heard the words but they just floated right out of his head. He didn’t really know what to say to this man. So he answered his question honestly, “No.” He didn’t know where he was. It didn’t matter though because surely someone would tell him if he was supposed to be someplace else.  

Sam looked over in the corner of the room and saw Dean leaning up against the wall. He knew it was probably a hallucination. Dean said, _“Sammy, my pain in the ass little brother.”_

Dr. Kadinsky looked in the empty corner and turned back to Sam. He asked the simple question of, “Do you know what you took?”

Sam closed his eyes because it hurt to keep them open. He rambled, “Lucifer. He gave me vitamins three or four times a day. I.. I don’t think they were really vitamins but he never told what they really were. Good slaves don’t ask questions. He hurt me. Lucifer, he tortured me. He said if I told anyone, I would be locked up.”

Dr. Kadinsky sighed and wrote a few notes. He was going to have a judge sign off on having Sam admitted to the state mental hospital and put in state care. The kid was hallucinating Satan. Dr. Kadinsky didn’t completely buy the runaway story. He thought that someone in the boy’s family did this to him and he wasn’t going to let any of them around the boy if he could help it.

Dr. Kadinsky spoke firmly but gently, “Sam, I am going to give you some medication to make you feel better after we get your toxicology reports back. I need to know what is in your system before I administer anything. I am also going to get some x-rays done. I think you might have some broken bones. In the meantime, keep the oxygen mask on your face. It should help you breathe a little easier.”

++

Officer Jody Mills knew Bobby Singer. He was the town drunk and she had to hall him to jail more than once. The fact that he called an ambulance to take Sam Winchester to the hospital was surprising. She had seen missing person’s posters for the boy around town and at the police station. Bobby was very adamant about keeping those posters up, as she recalled.

She saw on the police database that Agent Castiel Novak was leading the investigation for Sam. She couldn’t get any details and when she tried to call him, she got voicemail. In the meantime, Officer Mills knew she had to talk to the family. She agreed with Dr. Kadinsky that separating Sam from his family would be the best course of action until they found out who was hurting him.

Jody took a deep breath as she walked into the waiting room where, Bobby, John Winchester, and Dean Winchester were waiting. She let Dr. Kadinsky take the lead on this. He spoke firmly, “I am looking for John Winchester.”

A man that looked nothing like Bobby stood up. He said earnestly, “That is me. Please, can I see my son? I need to know he is okay.”

Dr. Kadinsky frowned and said carefully, “No, Sam is injured. He had a broken sternum and a few broken ribs. His lungs are bruised which is making breathing painful for him. He has bruises of different ages littering his body. Sam is dangerously underweight. On top of that, Sam appears to have been addicted to prescription medications. The toxicology reports show quite a strong cocktail in his system. I admitted him to the state psychiatric hospital. He is in the juvenile ward.”

Jody watched as the father processed the information. John sounded distraught when he said, “I do not want Sam admitted to a mental hospital. His brother and I can take care of him just tell us what we have to do to help him.”

Jody stepped in and spoke firmly, “Sam has been placed in state custody until he is more coherent to tell us what is going on. I’m sorry, Mr. Winchester.”

John looked upset then he fumbled around in his pocket for a moment. He pulled out a business card and said desperately, “I can give you the name and number of the FBI agent in charge of my son’s case. He.. He said that the people who took Sam killed their victims. I had to identify Sam in photos. Sam was tortured. He can tell you about the case. I didn’t have anything to do with this.” Jody saw tears in the father’s eyes as he pleaded, “Just please.. Let me have my son back. What is he going to think if he escaped that monster only to be locked up in a mental hospital? He is going to think I abandoned him and I would never do that. I love my sons.”

Jody shook her head and spoke sympathetically, “That won’t be possible. I am sure Sam will understand.”

John’s jaw clinched and his desperation was starting to be replaced by anger, “You’re kidding right now, right? Sam is going to be an adult in month and you are going to take him away against his will from the only family he had ever known? Sam will probably be 18 before I can even get a court date.”

The brother stepped in and he had a beat up baby doll with him. He pulled his father back and seemed upset but level headed. The brother asked, “Can you give this to him? It’s his doll and it’s important to him. Its name is Sully, but he can tell you that. And can you tell him that Dad and I are fighting to get him out of the hospital and we aren’t mad at him? He needs to know that none of this is his fault. I know how Sammy is. He will blame himself.”

Jody took the doll and stared at it for a moment. It gave the boy an innocence that she had forgot about. She knew Sam was vulnerable right now. She hoped they were making the right choices. Jody knew if her son was hurt like John said, she would want to keep her son close and she wouldn’t want him in the mental hospital either. 


	22. Chapter 22

Sam wasn’t entirely sure what was going on. His head hurt so badly. Sam opened his eyes and he saw that he was in a dingy white room that smelled slightly like urine. That was not reassuring at all. Sam tried to sit up but he found that his wrists and ankles were strapped down to the slightly lumpy bed he was laying on. This wasn’t good.

He tried to think back to what happened exactly. Sam knew he left Lucifer, even though he was having second thoughts about it. Then went to Uncle Bobby’s house and he wasn’t feeling well. Sam didn’t tell Bobby that because he didn’t want Bobby to think he was weak. He didn’t really remember what happened after that.

Sam wondered if Lucifer came back for him. His question was answered a moment later when a black man came in. Sam watched the man check the IV in arm and push something into a tube coming out of his nose. Sam didn’t remember any tubes and IV being put in him. Sam asked cautiously, “Who are you and where am I?”

The man smiled and said calmly, “I am a nurse. You are in a psychiatric hospital. Once we can get these tubes off of you we can untie you. We don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Sam turned his head away from the man. He understood what happened now or at least he thought he did. Bobby must have found out and thought he was crazy so they sent him here. Lucifer said that would happen if he told anyone and Sam vaguely remembered rambling about what happened to someone. It was probably Uncle Bobby.

He let a few tears fall from his from desperation. Sam had nothing left. He had no family. He had no friends. He had nothing to fill this emptiness inside of him. Sam didn’t want to be treated this way. He didn’t want this to be his life. He knew if he ever spoke of what happened between him and Lucifer again, he would never leave this place.

++

Castiel was on a flight to South Dakota when John Winchester tried to call him. Sam was admitted to a mental hospital. He didn’t know why and Castiel was facing a sea of red tape to find out what was going on. The state did not want to disclose which hospital Sam was at nor did they release what his condition was. To make matters worse, they removed custody of the boy from his father. Castiel was certain this was a mistake.

He had worked many cases like this before. The recovered children and teenagers were always less than friendly with their family. Their family in turn didn’t know how to handle them. However, it was the constant support of the family that either allowed the young person to heal or the young person spiraled on a downhill path of loneliness and despair.

Castiel was standing before Judge Tran. He submitted his documents to speak with Sam Winchester in the state hospital. Castiel asked to speak with Sam’s doctors, as well. He wanted to get an idea of Sam’s mental state. He knew John Winchester had hired a lawyer to get his custody rights back and presumably pull Sam out of the hospital. John’s court time was immediately following his. Castiel had to give Meg credit on being able to pull some strings.

The courtroom was cleared because of the sensitive matter of Sam’s case. Castiel listened to the lawyers argue. Then he actually stood up and let his anger get the better of him. “I understand that the state is trying to protect the interest of a minor, but Sam is the only link we have to a ring of serial killers. He is the only one that was in their grasp and got away. I’ve watched hours of video of that boy getting tortured. He stopped being a child a long time ago and maybe everyone should treat him like the adult he is and let him make his own choices. He went to his uncle’s house. That is where he wants to be, not some nut house where he isn’t allowed to see his family. His family wants him back and quite frankly all I need from him is a name.”

Judge Tran paused and said calmly, “As much as I hate outbursts in court, I have to agree with you, Agent Novak. I will grant you access to see Mr. Winchester for an interview. If and when Sam is removed from state care, it will solely his father’s decision on if Sam will be interviewed until Sam’s eighteenth birthday at which time, Sam will be free to make his own choice.”

Castiel breathed a sigh of relief after court was adjourned. He waited until John Winchester had his hearing. John regained temporary custody of Sam. They were on their way to the state hospital together for different reasons. Castiel was there to follow his best lead in catching a sadistic killer. John was on his way there to bring his son home. 

++

Azazel arrived for his late afternoon shift at the hospital. He worked in a nut house. It sucked but he filled his sick need for control. Azazel just got back from a long weekend with Nick's newest toy. He didn't get to play as much as he wanted and he was left craving making love. He was flipping through the case file for his newest patient, a Sam Winchester. Sam was placed in state care due to possible abuse at home which Dr. Kadinsky suspected resulted in drug abuse and the minor was hallucinating Satan. Seeing the devil was not original at all. Azazel always wondered why no one ever saw flying monkeys.

Azazel knew the hallucinations could be a result of withdrawal from the drugs. They were pumping Sam full of fluid and giving him sedatives to keep him comfortable for the withdrawal process. It was probably better that way.

He walked down the hallway of the locked ward to Sam’s room. He unlocked and open the door to the room carefully. Azazel stepped inside and dropped his clipboard when he saw Sam, Nick’s Sam. _Shit._ Sam wasn’t hallucinating Lucifer, he was talking about Nick. Azazel knew he had to clean this mess up. He wasn’t going to kill Sam but he was going to take measures to make sure Sam never talked.

Azazel also felt a need when he looked at Sam. He had really enjoyed Sam’s body. Now, Sam’s body was his. Azazel picked up his clipboard and sat it down on the table. He walked back up the nurse’s station. There was only one nurse there this time of day. He pulled a twenty out of his pocket and gave it to her.

She smiled shyly and pocketed the money. She winked and went back to reading her book. Azazel made his way back down to Sam’s room. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. Azazel picked up the baby doll sitting on the nightstand by Sam’s bed. He didn’t understand it so he sat it back down. He would probably have one of the orderlies throw it away later.

Then he removed the blanket covering Sam’s lower body. Sam had a catheter in which was of no concern to Azazel. He untied Sam’s ankles so he could spread Sam’s legs further. Sam turned his head to look at him and Azazel knew the boy was trying to focus on him but was having trouble.

Sam whispered out, “Please don’t.” Ever since, Nick beat and gang raped Sam, the boy would ask for him not do this. Azazel wasn’t sure Sam knew he was even talking right now.

Azazel ran a hand up Sam’s leg at cooed, “Shh.. I am going to take care of you. Just be good and let me enjoy your body.”

Sam struggled slightly and Azazel saw tears on Sam’s face. The boy sobbed, “Lucifer said I was free.” Azazel knew Sam must a little more coherent than he thought but no one would believe him anyways.

Azazel undid his belt and pulled out his cock. He pulled a small tube of lube out his pocket and slicked himself up. Sam wasn’t the only patient he slept with. Sometimes, they used his patients in videos. Azazel carelessly opened Sam up for a moment. Then he thrust into the boy. Azazel had never heard Sam cry out before but it was beautiful.

He licked Sam’s ear as he thrust in and out. Azazel whispered, “Be a good boy now. I am going to make sure you forget all of this soon. I’m going to give you a lobotomy.”

Sam shuddered and sobbed, “No please.”   


	23. Chapter 23

Sam was drugged and he couldn’t move. His head was securely strapped down but even with everything Azazel gave him, Sam was still scared. He wanted his dad to burst in and save him at the last minute like he did when he was little. Sam knew that nobody was going to save him. Worst of all, he knew what was going to happen.

Sometimes, not knowing made things easier. Sam wished he didn’t know what was about to happen. He could see Azazel inspecting a long rod. Sam knew that in a moment, everything that was him would be gone. It would be washed away and forgotten. Everything he ever dreamed about would be gone. Sam felt himself start crying. There were so many things he wanted to do in life. There were so many things he wanted to feel. Sam didn’t know if he would be able to feel or want after this. He didn’t know if he would ever get out of this prison. Lucifer lied to him. Uncle Bobby lied to him.

He felt Azazel’s hand on his forehead and Sam tried to speak but he couldn’t form the words. Sam closed his eyes as the rod neared his face. He thought about how much he loved Lucifer. He thought about how he wished he meant something to Dean and his dad. Sam knew he was a disappointment to everyone. He wished he could have been more like Dean.

Sam felt the cold rod at the base of his nose. He opened his eyes and looked in Azazel’s eyes. It hurt and Sam slipped his eyes closed. The rod slowly entered. It felt like time was nearly at a standstill and Sam supposed that was how things were at the end. Just when it started to hurt, Sam heard the door open.

He felt Azazel pause and it made his eyes water. The pain wasn’t unbearable but it hurt. Sam heard a woman say with some panic. “Dr. Masters, Sam’s father is here. He didn’t give approval for his procedure. The administrator said to stop until you get the father’s permission.”

++

John arrived at the hospital with Agent Novak and Dean just after eight pm. He walked into the hospital and gave the paperwork for Sam to the receptionist. He wanted Sam out of the hospital immediately. John waited impatiently for Dr. Masters to show up. The doctor wanted to talk to him about Sam before his release.

John frowned as Dr. Masters approached him. The doctor held out his hand and John shook it firmly. John was straight forward, “I need to check Sam out of the hospital. I will take care of at home.”

The doctor frowned and argued, “Mr. Winchester, I think being here right now is in Sam’s best interest. He can get proper care to help him through the drug withdrawals. Besides right now, Sam is sedated for a lobotomy. It will be difficult to try to wake him.”

John was angry all of a sudden. He said firmly. “The state faxed over paperwork two hours ago to inform you that Sam was in my care. Any medication and procedures should have been cleared through me because I am his father. I want my son, now.”

Dr. Masters sighed and deferred, “Okay Mr. Winchester, I will let you have your son. I was intending on doing a lobotomy on him because off his hallucinations. Since he is a submissive, it would also serve to make him more plaint for a dominant.”

Agent Novak stepped in and said firmly to John’s surprise. “Dr. Masters, I am Agent Castiel Novak with the FBI. Would you mind showing me to Sam’s room? I would like to talk to him for a few minutes while he gets ready to leave here.” Castiel turned to John and said softly, “I can do a full interview with him when he is feeling better.” The agent smiled and John nodded in agreement.

++

Sam was awake. He could feel his nose bleeding down on the pillow under his head. He was still strapped down. Sam was certain the woman was a hallucination. He knew his father wasn’t coming to save him. Sam knew Azazel could have stopped for any number of reasons and his dad wasn’t one of them.

He heard voices. They were different voices. One of the voices was deep and gravelly. This voice sounded angry. “You left him strapped down like this? What did he do to warrant this sort of treatment? He is bleeding and crying.”

Azazel said dismissively, “I was starting the process of doing a lobotomy. It was important that he didn’t move.”

The gravelly voice replied with concern, “And you didn’t complete the procedure?”

Azazel sighed, “Unfortunately not, Sam will suffer for that I am afraid. His father is completely unreasonable.”

Sam felt a warm hand on his wrist and he felt the strap being loosened. He wondered what was going on. Sam figured that this man probably wanted to use his body like all the rest. Azazel had just raped him before he started to put the rod up his nose. Maybe Azazel thought, he had to be raped again before he lost who he was.

Sam opened his eyes and looked at the man who was undoing his bindings. The man had dark hair and the brightest blue eyes he had ever seen. Of course, Sam knew he hadn’t been looking at people in the eyes lately either so his judgment could be skewed. Sam found his voice and croaked out, “Please don’t.”

The man paused and looked at him. Sam could see concern on his face. He didn’t see the malice that he normally saw when he said that. The man said, “What don’t you want me to do?”

Sam blinked a couple times. His eyes were heavy but he forced himself to stay awake. It was difficult for Sam to utter out the words, “Please don’t hurt me.”

The man started to undo more of the bindings. He had a contemplative look on his face. He spoke thoughtfully, “I am not going to hurt you. My name is Castiel. I work for the FBI and I’ve been trying to find you to bring you home for a long time.” Sam didn’t understand what Castiel meant. He stayed still as Castiel undid the rest of his bindings.

Sam leaned heavily on Castiel as he sat him up on the bed. Sam felt Castiel press a tissue to his nose where he was bleeding. He saw Azazel leaning on the doorframe of the room. Sam knew this was far from over. He heard Azazel speak, “His clothes are on the chair. We are short staffed this time of night.”

Castiel nodded and kept a hand on Sam’s bare shoulder as grabbed the clothes. Sam let Castiel dress him. He was to out of it to protest. Even if he had been lucid, he wouldn’t have protested. Sam liked to try to avoid provoking anyone into beating him. It was basic survival. Sam was confused as to why this man wasn’t using him. This man was dressing him and being kind. Sam didn’t understand.

Once Sam was dressed, Castiel moved in front of Sam. He rested a gentle hand on each shoulder. He crouched down to eye level and said softly. “Sam, I know you were with a very bad man for the past several months. Can you tell me his name?”

Sam glanced at Azazel and then back to Castiel. He knew Azazel was like Lucifer. Azazel had helped Lucifer but Sam thought this could all be a trick. Castiel could be waiting to see what he said. Castiel could be ready to punish him for speaking the truth. Sam closed his eyes and whispered, “Please don’t.” Then Sam opened his eyes. He stared at Azazel’s chin. He could see a sneer.  He begged Azazel, “Please don’t hurt me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might be happy to know that Sam's abuse involving Azazel and Lucifer is coming to end but his struggles are far from over.


	24. Chapter 24

Dean carried Sam to the Impala. His little brother didn’t really resist, but he said repeatedly, “Please don’t.” That was all Sam said and it brook Dean’s heart. He knew it was the drugs in Sam’s system talking. Sam couldn’t seem to move because of whatever the hospital had given him. Dean didn’t think it was the drugs Sam had taken prior to the hospital visit. Bobby said Sam was walking and talking prior to admission.

It made Dean angry that the state hurt his brother like this. But Dean made a promise to himself, he would make sure Sam was looked after from now on. Sam was a sub so Dean knew he needed extra guidance and discipline. Dean knew he could provide that for Sam. He wouldn’t let Sam out of his site until Sam was healed up. Then Dean could make some future plans for Sam.

Dean waited in the car with Sam while their dad got a motel room for the night. They decided to wait until morning to drive home. Dean knew they could drive through the night and make it by early morning. However, with the state Sam was in, it was probably better to wait until Sam was more coherent.

As John walked back to the car with keys, Dean pulled Sam out. His brother was basically dead weight. Dean adjusted his baby brother in his arms and carried him into the motel room. He walked over to the bed furthest from the door and laid Sam down after John pulled back the bedcovers. Sam let out a pained moan from where he was laying.

Dean didn’t know how to handle that. It wasn’t like he could really get an answer on what hurt right now. John stepped next to Dean with a couple pillows. His father said seriously, “Lean him up a little bit, if we sit him up a little it might be less painful. His ribs are broken.” Dean had nearly forgotten about that. He lifted said up enough for John to put a couple pillows under Sam.

Then Dean laid Sam back down and whispered, “Thanks, Dad. Do you think he is going to be okay?”

John’s jaw clenched for a moment then he shook his head. John replied with, “I am going to go to the bathroom to get a couple towels to put under him in case he wets himself. Will you go out to the car and get his baby doll? We had to do through Hell for the nurse to find it. He should at least have the stupid thing when he wakes up.”

Dean didn’t say anything. There wasn’t much to say. He exited the room and retrieved the doll from the car. When he made it back in the room, John was adjusting the covers over Sam. Dean watched this for a moment and it made him think back.

_“Hey Champ, how was preschool today?”_

_Dean looked up at his dad with wide green eyes. He cuddled his stuffed rabbit and pouted, “Stupid, why did Sammy get to stay home with Mommy to make pie?”_

_His dad chuckled and ruffled his hair. His dad’s voice was full of suppressed amusement when he said, “Deano, Sammy is a baby. He’s not old enough to go to school yet.”_

_Dean groaned and stretched his limbs. He protested, “I hate having a little brother. He gets to have all the fun.”_

_His dad frowned and took a deep breath. He looked him the eyes when he said, “Dean, everything in life, you will get to do first. Sammy is going to grow up looking up to you and he is going to want to be like his big brother so be good to him. You’re the world to him and if you play your cards right, he can be the most loyal friend you’ll ever have.”_

_Dean turned away from his dad and covered his head with his pillow and whined, “You didn’t need to have another baby so I would have a friend. Sammy’s the one that is never going to have friends and be alone.”_

Dean shook his head of the memory. It wasn’t long after that their mother died. He resented Sammy for a long time for getting to spend time with their mom while he had to go to school. Dean felt like he was missing out on moments with his mom. It wasn’t until he was older and realized that Sam didn’t have a single memory of their mother that he realized he was wrong.

He realized that Sam did remember getting tucked in at night by their dad like he did. Dean was usually the one to do it but sometimes their dad would. He realized that Sam never really knew a home. Sam never got to have friends like he predicted. Sam was alone in life. Dean wondered how long Sam felt so desperate for someone to care about him that he would do what he did. Dean felt like this was all his fault.

+

Castiel checked into a nearby motel. He was tired and he had a bad feeling about Dr. Masters. It was a hunch more than anything. But after the Winchesters left the hospital administrator showed him around and some of the faces looked familiar to Castiel. He knew he had seen some of those faces before and he thought it was on that website. Castiel knew it was probably just his mind playing tricks on him.

However, he just couldn’t shake the feeling that Dr. Masters did something to Sam besides nearly give the kid a lobotomy. Castiel didn’t like to think about what would have happened if they arrived a few minutes later. As it was now, John Winchester had a pretty strong malpractice case against the hospital, if he chose to pursue that. Castiel doubted John Winchester would take any sort of legal action though. He wasn’t sure what John Winchester was going to do with Sam. Castiel just hoped Sam would be safe and cared for. The boy didn’t need any more pain.

Castiel answered his phone as it rang. “Agent Novak.”

He heard a chuckle on the other line and a playful female voice. “Oh Clarence, you’re always so formal.”

Castiel loosened his tie and sat down on the bed. He rested his elbows on his knees and put his hand up to his forehead. He said tiredly, “It has been a long day, Meg. Sam Winchester was released into his father’s care today. The doctor at the hospital was starting the process of a lobotomy when we arrived.”

There was silence on the other line. Then Meg asked, “Isn’t that a last resort procedure?”

Castiel shrugged even though he couldn’t see her. He said, “I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. Dr. Masters lead me back to Sam’s room, where they were going to do the procedure at, the boy was naked and strapped to his bed. He was scared and his nose was bleeding. Sam kept looking at Dr. Masters and saying, ‘please don’t hurt me.’ I just can’t shake the feeling that Dr. Masters is doing something to those patients.”

Meg hummed for a moment then she said joyfully, “I will see what I can dig up, Clarence. Did you get any information from Sam?”

Castiel shook his head no. Then he realized again that Meg couldn’t see him. “No Meg, Sam was heavily medicated. I will have to wait until either Sam turns 18 or until I get John Winchester’s permission. I have a feeling I am going to be waiting until he is 18 and even then I may not get anything. I can’t force him to talk to me.”

++

Sam kept drifting in and out. He wasn’t really sure what was going on but he was feeling more like himself now. Sam wasn’t sure where he was. He sat up and looked around. He was in a cheap motel. His dad was sleeping on the bed next to his. Sam looked over and saw Dean sleeping soundly on the other side of his bed. It could have been any given night during his childhood. Sam was fairly certain he was hallucinating again.

His body hurt but that much was normal for him. Sam carefully pulled his legs out from under the covers and went to get up. He had to get out of here. Whatever this place was. Azazel or Lucifer would be back soon and he didn’t want to get hurt. He knew he had been so bad.

Sam picked up Sully off the bed. He knew he didn’t take the doll with him when he left. He wondered how it could be here now. Sam clutched the doll to his chest and he found that it made breathing a little less painful. He figured his mind was just playing tricks on him. Sam got out of bed carefully and made his way to the bathroom with the doll.

He flickered on the light and sat the doll down on the counter. Sam went about his business and winced because it hurt to pee. He knew he hadn’t ate or drank anything the entire time he was in the hospital. Sam knew they were giving him fluids and putting something in his stomach through a tube. No one explained anything to him so he wasn’t really sure.

Sam stepped out of the bathroom to see Dean standing there in his pajamas. He shook his head as he reminded himself not to talk to his hallucinations. Lucifer was cruel when he did. Dean sounded worried, “Are you okay, Sammy?” Sam looked at Dean and then he looked away. He wouldn’t talk to this hallucination. Then Dean reached out and touched him. That had never happened before.

Sam jerked back from Dean and held his doll close to him. He knew he probably looked like a scared child. Sam was scared when he spoke, “You’re not real.”

Sam saw that Dean had a hand reached out toward him and Dean just stood there and stared at him with wide eyes. Then Dean said slowly, “Sammy, I am real. Do you know where you are right now?”

Sam’s eyes flickered away from his hallucination. He closed his eyes and opened them in the hope the hallucination would be gone. Sam shook his head and started to walk toward the door to the motel room. If he could just get out of this hallucination then maybe he could figure out where he was or maybe being trapped in a hallucination was the result of what Azazel did to him.

As Sam passed by his dad’s bed, he felt a hand on the back of his shoulder. The hand shook slightly and Sam turned to see it was his dad’s hand. Sam glanced at the bed and noticed his dad wasn’t in it anymore. Sam wasn’t sure what to think. His hallucinations have never acted like this. He forced himself to stay calm because panicking would only make his punishment worse.

He heard his father said tiredly, “Sam, come on. Let Dean and I get you back to bed.”

Sam closed his eyes and repeated through gritted teeth. “You’re not real. None of this is real.”

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

The fact that Sam didn’t seem to know what was real and what wasn’t made things more difficult. Dean ended up holding Sam down to the bed until Sam went back to sleep that first night. Sam did struggle uselessly while begging not to get hurt. “Please don’t hurt me,” was all Sam would say over and over again. It was enough to make Dean want to murder anyone who ever laid a hand on Sammy.

It was morning now and they still had their journey home. Dean knew with Sam’s mental state and the fact that they have never had a home, Sam wouldn’t understand. Dean wasn’t sure how to approach this with Sam. He decided to try. Sam did look a little more lucid this morning. He was currently in the shower and Dean was picking up the dirty clothes Sam wore home from the hospital. He noticed a white stain on the back of Sam’s boxers. It was jizz. Dean frowned at it because the placement didn’t make sense unless Sam was wearing them backwards which was a possibility or someone could have hurt him. Hell, it could be the same pair of boxers he wore when he showed up on Bobby’s doorstep.

Dean realized he was overthinking this. People don’t get sexually assaulted in mental hospitals. It wasn’t the Stone Age anymore. Dean knew he had to get his protectiveness in check. The last thing he wanted to do was put ideas in Sam’s head. He knew Sam was vulnerable right now and he would do what he could to get Sam back on track.

Sam turned off the shower a few moments later and Dean handed Sam a towel. His dad didn’t want him to leave Sam alone. Sam didn’t seem to be bothered by his presence. It took Dean’s breath away to look at Sam’s injuries. The bruising was slowly fading, but it was still evident on Sam’s skin. The paleness of his usually tan skin stood out to Dean. The bones stood out against Sam’s pale body. It spoke to how undernourished he was.

Dean handed Sam some clothes once he was dry and Sam carefully dressed himself. His brother didn’t speak. However, Sam did seem to bundle himself in the clothes. They also seemed too big for Sam but Dean knew he could correct that later. Dean handed Sam his doll back and Sam took it from him and held it to his chest.

Dean smiled at Sam and said carefully, “Sammy, do you know where you are right now?”

Sam looked in his direction, but he didn’t raise his head enough to meet his face. Sam said quietly, “In a motel bathroom. I am supposed to bathe every day and stay clean.”

Dean took a deep breath and affirmed, “That’s great, Sammy. You know where you are and the principals of hygiene.” Sam got a confused look on his face which worried Dean. He asked nicely, “Who do you have in your arms?”

Sam looked at his baby doll then back Dean’s direction but not at Dean. Sam sounded a little distant, “Sully. He protects me.”

Dean smiled. He remembered telling Sam when he was little that if he held the doll at night, monsters couldn’t get to him. It was a nice memory. He just didn’t expect his now seventeen year old brother to still buy into that. Dean affirmed Sam again, “Yes, he does. He’ll keep you safe.”

Sam nodded and whispered, “I know. I didn’t have him when I needed him the most but I am safe now. All I need is my backpack and I can go. I can.. I can find some place safe to hide… where he can’t hurt me anymore.”

Dean crouched down to Sam’s level and Sam immediately looked away from him. He still wasn’t sure if Sam viewed him as real or not. Dean asked gently, “Who do you need to hide from, Sammy?”

Sam frowned and seemed to be concentrating. He said with some strain. “The woods. The trees. Lucifer. But none of that is real. Lucifer and the woods and the trees and the pain, it was just my mind playing tricks on me.” Sam gritted his teeth again and shook his head.

Dean decided it was time to lighten the conversation. He clapped his hands together which caused Sam to flinch. Dean tried to sound upbeat when he said, “Okay Sammy, so Dad and I rented an apartment. Dad is loading the Impala, so what do you say about joining him?”

Sam looked at Dean this time. Dean felt Sam brush his cold fingertips across his face. It made Dean shutter but he didn’t pull away. Sam had tears in his eyes. Then he whispered, “You’re real. I’m safe.” Dean watched Sam release a couple tears.

It hurt Dean to see Sam so unsure of himself. He pulled Sam in for a light hug as he was mindful of Sam’s injuries. He whispered in Sam’s ear, “I’m real, Sammy. You’re safe. I am going to protect you. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”

++

Gabriel was sitting in his home office as he attempted to zone out Kali’s yelling. It was giving him a headache but he was trying to ignore her in the hope she would adopt better behavior. Gabriel knew this whole concept of shunning wasn’t working. One of his work buddies recommended it. The work buddy happened to be the janitor so maybe he should have consulted one of his professional colleagues. But the janitor had a stash of candy which the neck ties he had to work with didn’t have. He found the janitor better company.

He decided that he needed to directly address this with Kali. Gabriel scolded himself because he was a counselor so he should know how to handle this and not ask the janitor for advice. Gabriel took a deep breath and said firmly, “Kali, stop. I ordered you to clean the house today. You didn’t do it.”

Kali fumed and marched over to Gabriel. She grabbed the keyboard off his desk and started banging it on the shelves around the room. Keys were flying everywhere. Then Kali cracked the keyboard over his head. The escape key fell in his lap and stared up at him. Gabriel wondered if this was some sort of sick poetic justice. He didn’t know.

Gabriel felt around on his head and didn’t feel any blood. He spoke firmly, “Kali, I will not tolerate violence. I have never laid a hand on you, even though I probably should have. You are a disgrace. I am going to file a police report so I can get custody of my daughter. I will not let her be raised in a household that promotes violence.”

Kali screamed. It was high pitch and feral. She stomped off to the kitchen. Gabriel watched as she lit the burners on the stove and then she threw a bottle of whiskey on the open flame. It caused a small explosion and the house was now on fire.

Gabriel sighed and vowed to himself that he would make a better life for him and Claire. He picked up the fire extinguisher and put out the fire. Kali’s arms were burned and the house was smoky. Gabriel heard the alarm system for a fire go off. He knew the fire department was on their way.

Now Gabriel had to face being the laughing stock of the fire department. His status was confirmed when Kali picked up the discarded fire extinguisher and started spraying it at him and trying to hit him with it. He led Kali out of the house as their children stared at her.

Gabriel saw the first responders pull up and rush out of their car to restrain Kali. It seemed surreal and Gabriel wished this was a dream but it wasn’t. He felt Claire nearly jump into his arms crying. She was scared and sobbing, “Why did Mommy hurt you and try to set the house on fire?”

Gabriel didn’t have an answer for that so he just held his daughter close.

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

Not surprisingly, Castiel couldn’t get near Sam. John Winchester wouldn’t let him interview or even speak informally with Sam. Castiel knew he could request a court order to speak to the boy but judges tended to frown on forcing a victim of a crime to talk to police. Especially, after everything Sam went through. The state had already screwed up enough.

Castiel was back at his desk staring at a photograph of Dr. Azazel Masters, as if it would shed some light on his predicament. He didn’t know why, but Dr. Masters did not seem as clean cut as he appeared. Castiel sighed and started digging through the casefile on Dr. Masters.

The doctor lived on an isolated estate in the woods. He had no submissives or marriages. Dr. Masters was investigated multiple times for allegations of misconduct with patients at his work but nothing was ever found to remove him from the position. All of the patients that reported misconduct received a lobotomy and most of them were still patients at the mental hospital.

The summary left Castiel with a sick feeling and he knew Dr. Masters was doing something to those patients. All he had to do is find someone to talk to him. The problem was the best lead he had, also happened to be the victim in another case.

Castiel needed to be able to talk to Sam.

++

Sam was sitting in the room he shared with Dean. Dean wasn’t here much. He was with Lisa a lot. Lisa gave birth to a baby boy and Dean was the father. Sam hadn’t met the baby, yet and he doubted he ever would. Dean didn’t seem to want much to do with him which Sam could understand.

He knew he wasn’t really wanted by his family. Sam didn’t feel like he fit in here. The voices didn’t bother him as much anymore and Sam could only guess that was because he had people to talk to. Sam was pretty sure he was talking to real people but sometimes he found himself confused and he would ask. The voices made fun of him when he asked if they were real. Real people didn’t tease him though.

Sam had been trying to find a way out of this situation. He felt like a burden to his family. Sam knew his dad wanted to get back out the road and Dean probably wanted to move in with Lisa. Sam knew he had do something to get away from his family. Sam decided to do it responsibly. He didn’t want to belong to anyone ever again.

To do that Sam knew he needed to get his GED and find a job. His dad had helped him sign up for testing. His dad didn’t think he needed to take the courses so Sam was going to take the test without any preparation. It made him nervous but his dad believed in him. So hoped he didn’t fail. He didn’t want to let his dad down.

Sam had been applying for jobs but so far he hadn’t heard anything back. He got up from his room and wandered out the apartment. Sam walked a short distance to a pay phone. He pulled out a phone card and called Lucifer.

Lucifer answered on the second ring, _“This is Nick.”_

Sam felt nervous because he was supposed to call Lucifer when he arrived at Bobby’s house and he didn’t. It had been a couple weeks. Sam stammered when he spoke. “Lucifer, it’s Sam. I’m sorry, I didn’t call earlier.”

Lucifer sighed and snapped, _“I am sure you have some stupid excuse and I don’t care to hear it. Have you been keeping your mouth shut about me?”_

Sam fiddled with hem of his shirt and said quietly, “Yes sir.” He was scared about what Lucifer might do to him if he disobeyed.

Lucifer sighed and said firmly, _“Good. Azazel said you were admitted as one of his patients. He said you were rambling about me. That was not acceptable, Sam.”_

Sam wanted to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness but he knew Lucifer couldn’t see him. Instead he whispered, “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

Lucifer chuckled, _“You’re right. It won’t. I don’t want you to eat anything for the rest of the day as punishment. What are you doing to support yourself? You need to get away from your family.”_

Sam looked around and said nervously, “My dad arranged for me to take my GED test and I have been looking for a job. I haven’t found anything yet.”

Lucifer sighed and sounded irritated, _“Unless you want to be a whore or a stripper, you need to go to college. I want you to enroll as a business major. It will raise your value as a sub. Your intelligence is the only thing that makes up for how physically weak you are.”_

Sam felt better once Lucifer told him what to do. He said with some confidence, “I will. Thank you, Lucifer.”

Sam heard a woman cry in the back ground and he got filled with jealousy. He could hear Lucifer hitting something. Then he heard Lucifer say, _“Sam, one more thing, do not talk to the FBI about me. If they ask, you don’t remember anything.”_

Sam nodded his head and said calmly, “Yes sir.” Then he heard the phone click and Lucifer was gone. It left Sam feeling empty inside. It hurt him to know that he was already replaced. Sam wished he knew how to be everything Lucifer wanted.

++

Ruby was shaking as she stared up at Lucifer. She said seductively, “Lucifer, make me come. I’ve been such a bad slut.” She knew she was baiting him, but she liked it when he got aggressive. She started fake crying when Lucifer was on the phone with Sam and Lucifer backhanded her. She hated Sam and she was glad he was out of the picture. Ruby didn’t want to have to share Lucifer.

Lucifer stood and grabbed Ruby by her hair. He dragged her down the hall to the cage as she struggled lightly. He shoved her inside the cage. Ruby noticed that she didn’t really have a lot of room to move around. She watched as Lucifer locked the cage and Ruby wasn’t sure what was going on.

Lucifer laughed bitterly and said, “You’re a slave. You never tell me what to do. You shut the fuck up and do as I say. You’re going to stay in here and rot until I decide otherwise.”

Ruby watched as a dark sheet got thrown over the cage and she felt scared for the first time. After a few hours, she was terrified. She tried not to cry but the tears came. They weren’t faked this time. Ruby ran her hand along the bottom the cage and she felt letters carved into the plastic bottom, _“Please.”_

Ruby didn’t know what she got herself into but she knew she was going to be the best slave to Lucifer she could possibly be. She despite her fear she was going to be everything Sam wasn’t. She was never going to get sent away like Sam did. She would make sure Sam was nothing to Lucifer. 

 


	27. Chapter 27

John was watching Sam eat breakfast. Actually, it was more like watching his son think about eating his breakfast. Sam had refused to eat lunch and dinner yesterday. It was frustrating, but at least Sam actually ate a few bites of his cereal. This was worse than when Sam was little and playing with his food. Now, Sam just seemed unsure of the food like it might hurt him or something.

John didn’t believe in mental health issues. He thought Sam was lying when he claimed to be hearing voices. Sam was just wanting attention or something. John just got onto Sam whenever he talked about voices or hallucinations. John didn’t have time for such nonsense. He wasn’t sure what to do.

He wanted to smack the bullshit out of Sam but he knew Dean would have a fit if he laid a hand on Sam. Dean had been busy lately and running on fumes. John knew that Dean had been working extra hours to help pay for the baby while Lisa was off work. Then Dean would spend time with his son to give Lisa a break and to be a dad. But every night, Dean would come home to make sure Sam slept. Sam would cry in his sleep sometimes, which Dean somehow had patience for. John didn’t understand. He wanted Sam to man up.

John stared at Sam while he accessed what to do. He really wanted to hit Sam but Sam was injured and in constant pain. John thought about what it must be like to hurt to breathe. Apparently, being an invalid wasn’t enough attention for Sam.

John snapped at Sam, “Eat your cereal.” He ran his hands over his face and muttered, “You’re driving me nuts. Just fucking eat. It’s not that hard.”

Sam frowned and closed his eyes. John watched Sam take a couple deep breaths as he pushed the bowl of cereal away.  Sam spoke quietly to himself. “You’re not real. You’re not real”

John wasn’t sure what came over him. It was probably exhaustion from dealing with this. He lifted up his hand and swiftly backhanded Sam across the face. John watched as Sam lowered his head and trembled. He saw that he hit Sam just right to break Sam’s lip open and it was dribbling a small amount of blood down Sam’s chin.

The look of Sam did make him feel guilty but John knew he had to start laying down the law with Sam. He spoke sternly, “Go to your room. I don’t want to see your face. You waste food and you don’t treat me with respect.”

Sam nodded and spoke as he got to his feet. “I’m sorry.”

++

Gabriel kicked a box in his apartment. He had moved out of the house with Kali and moved into student housing. It was the best he could do on the short term and his boss was fine with him living here. They thought it would be good to have staff on site at student housing. The kids have been getting a little rowdy lately. Still, Gabriel only planned on living here for a couple months until he got money saved up to rent a better place.

Kali drained his bank account the moment she got released from jail on bond. Gabriel knew he should have seen that one coming but he didn’t. Kali’s parents had custody of her older children and Gabriel had Claire for the time being. Kali was suing for custody. Gabriel knew he had to get his shit together.

He knelt down and started unpacking the boxes when he heard a knock on his door. Gabriel sighed and stood up. He walked over to the door and opened it. It was Kali. Gabriel tried not to sound annoyed when he asked, “What are you doing here?”

Kali crossed her arms and stated harshly, “Where is my daughter?”

Gabriel pinched the bridge of his nose and said slowly, “At school, you know her routine.”

Kali pushed the door open and entered the apartment. She plopped down on the standard student issue sofa. Gabriel watched as she started to unbutton her shirt. It was appealing to Gabriel. Then Kali licked her lips and said, “I have an itch. Do you think you can take care of it for me, sir?”

Gabriel crossed the room and pulled Kali up from the sofa by her arm. He said harshly, “We are not doing this. Leave, you have supervised visitation with Claire on Saturday.”

Kali jerked her arm away only to grab Gabriel’s face and pull him in for a kiss. Gabriel returned the kiss before he realized what he was doing. Once he did, he pushed her away. Once she was arm’s length away, he said firmly, “No Kali.”

Kali straightened and slapped him hard across the face. It stung and then Kali seethed, “You act like you’re gay.”

Much to Gabriel’s relief, Kali stormed out of the apartment after that comment. He rubbed the side of his face as he closed the apartment door. He didn’t care that Kali called him gay. In fact, he was thinking having a male submissive might be better. It would be less drama. He needed less drama.

++

When Dean arrived home from Lisa’s apartment, it was after eleven. His dad was drunk and Sammy was gone. Only this time the only thing missing was Sammy and Sully. Dean doubted Sam would have gone far. He took to walking the nearby streets by foot.

Once he came to a bridge, he found Sam sitting underneath the bridge at end. It was a place where homeless people slept sometimes because it kept them out of the rain. Sam was curled up clutching his doll. Dean approached Sam cautiously.

He said softly, “Sammy, what are you doing out here?”

Sam looked at him and Dean could see that Sam had been crying. His brother whispered, “I don’t know what is real, Dean. I don’t even know if you’re really Dean. The voices are so loud and they hurt me. I didn’t know the voices could touch me.”

Dean got up closer to Sam and saw a bruise on the side of his face and a busted lip. He brushed his fingertips lightly over the bruise and asked, “Who did this?”

Sam shrugged and pulled away. “The voices. They are quieter out here.”

Dean nodded and sat down next to Sam. He leaned back against the concrete and asked, “Who hit you?”

Sam muttered, “Hallucination.”

Dean rolled his eyes and restated, “A hallucination of whom hit you?”

Sam adjusted his grip on his doll and said, “Dad. He was mad that I wouldn’t eat. I was scared. I didn’t want to eat too much. Eating would make me bad.”

Dean was pretty sure their dad really did hit Sam and it wasn’t a hallucination. It made him angry but he knew there was nothing he could do about it for a couple weeks. Once Sam turned 18, he could take Sam but he had to wait it out. He wondered how the FBI would get anything useful or credible out of Sam. Dean chose his words carefully, “Sammy, will you try to eat something? For me?”

Sam shook his head no and looked away. “I doubt you’re real.”

Dean sighed and grabbed hold of Sam’s hand. He pressed his thumb down on in the palm of Sam’s hand until Sam gasped in pain. Dean said firmly, “Sam, this pain is real. I am real. What is real feels different from what we imagine.”

Sam put his thumb on his hand where Dean was pressing and pressed himself. He grimaced at the pain but didn’t stop. Dean was worried that he was going to hurt himself. Then Sam said, “Okay. Okay. I can tell the difference, but what if it changes?”

Dean shook his head and said confidently, “It won’t. This is stone number one, Sammy. We are going to take this and build on it, okay?” Sam nodded and Dean heard Sam’s stomach growl. Dean laughed lightly, “How about we go get a burger and some pie?” He needed to figure out how to help Sam without his brother ending up in the mental hospital again.


	28. Chapter 28

Dean started what he referred to as Operation Make Sammy Better or OMSB for short. He devised a plan after talking to a number of slightly off people. Dean knew he couldn’t seek out doctors to help Sam. Not only did he not have the money for that but Dean didn’t think Sam wanted to take a whole bunch of pills. However, that didn’t mean Dean was going to give up on fixing Sammy.

Through his research, Dean found that Sam shouldn’t have candy, caffeine, alcohol, or any of the awesome things in life. Instead, Sam should be eating a diet high in lean proteins and low in carbohydrates. In other words, Sam should be eating salads. That sounded awful to Dean but if it made Sammy better then so be it. He found that if he gave Sam a plate of food, told him to eat, and then left him alone, Sam would eat. If he was there and not eating, Sam wouldn’t eat. If he was there and eating, Sam would only eat about a quarter to half of his food.

Dean started giving Sam a warm cup of chamomile tea every night before bed. It was supposed to help Sam sleep. It did but Dean wasn’t sure if it was the tea or the stability of having a routine that helped Sammy out. Sam was a sub so Dean knew that subs likes routines. Sam still woke up a few minutes before 6:30 every morning. Sam would just stare off into space as he sat on his bed. Dean tried to talk to him but Sam had trouble making sense. Sam still had nightmares but those were getting less common.

Every morning after Sam got out of his 6:30 funk, Dean took Sam for a walk around the neighborhood. Exercise was supposed to help Sam, but Dean doubted Sam was healthy enough to do much more than walk around. He thought a manual labor job might help Sam so he was working on finding one for Sam.

All in all, Sam seemed to be doing better. Their dad left the day after Sam turned 18, which was fine with Dean. John had always been something of a vagabond. John had actually stormed out after Dean confronted him about hitting Sam. John called Sam a number of names and Dean resisted the urge to punch his father. There dad couldn’t hurt Sam anymore and that was what mattered.

Sam didn’t seem to be having as many breaks with reality. It still happened but it was usually when Sam was left alone for a more than ten hours. This meant Dean started working less and seeing his son less. Dean knew he had to make a choice. He could either be there for his son or be there for his brother. Both of them needed care and it was the most difficult choice of Dean’s life.

Lisa didn’t want Sam around Ben. She didn’t want his crazy or his submissiveness to rub off on the baby. She announced that she was moving closer to her dominant parent and she wanted Dean to move in with her. Only, Dean couldn’t do that. He had to look out for Sammy. Dean didn’t have the money for a lawyer to fight Lisa on custody, so he was at her mercy on when he could see his son. Dean started paying a set child support which was less money than what he was giving Lisa when they lived in the same town.

Dean felt like he was abandoning his son, but at the same time, Dean knew Ben had Lisa. If he left Sam, his brother would have nobody and Dean couldn’t afford to move with Sam. Dean knew that Sam would either end up dead or homeless without him, possibly both. Still, it didn’t make the choice any easier. Dean hoped that once Sam was better, he could move closer to Lisa so he could see Ben more. However, Dean knew that was years down the road. He had to find Sam a dominant first and make sure the dom was good to Sam. He had to get the feds off of Sam’s back.

Sam hadn’t spoke about where he was and Dean doubted Sam knew where he was. Something just told Dean that trying to pry into where Sam was or what happened to him would just cause Sam to regress. Dean wanted Sam to move forward and if that meant burying everything that happened then so be it. It was better than the alternative.

Dean was pulled from his thoughts when Sam walked back through the front door. He had asked Sammy to go get the mail which Sam did without complaint. Only now, Sam looked nervous. Dean focused his attention on Sam and asked, “What’s up, Sammy?” He really hoped that it wasn’t another letter from Agent Novak.

Sam shifted slightly and fidgeted. Dean knew Sam was nervous. He could tell even though Sam didn’t make eye contact with him. Sam never made eye contact with anyone. Sam scratched the back of his neck then he said carefully, “I got my test scores back for the GED. Do you.. Do you think I passed?”

Dean couldn’t help but smile. His giant nerd of a brother was worried about passing his GED test. Dean knew not to tease his brother. He reached out and snatched the letter from Sam’s hands. He opened it quickly and was shocked. Sammy got a near perfect score in every category. Dean looked up at Sam and said happily, “You passed, Sammy. You did really well on the test. I am proud of you.”

Sam smiled shyly and whispered, “Thanks, Dean.”

Dean grinned and asked, “So what do you want to do to celebrate?”

Sam bit his lip and fiddled with his hands. Then Sam sat down next to Dean. Dean could tell whatever it was Sam wanted to say, he was nervous about. Sam spoke carefully, “I talked to the people at the community college and they said that I can take a placement test once I got my GED so I can start taking classes. I have an appointment with a financial aid advisor to help me fill out my FAFSA. Is.. Is it okay that I want to go to college?”

Dean wasn’t sure whether to be pissed or happy for Sam. His first thought was that Sam was applying for financial aid. But what if Sam couldn’t get financial aid? What then? Would Sam be disappointed or would they both end up working their tails off to pay tuition? Dean calmed his inner thoughts. This was a good thing. Sam would be more valuable to a dom if he was educated. Especially, if it was in a useful field. If Sam could raise his value that might make up for his mental health issues.

Dean put on a smile and said reassuringly, “That is great, Sammy. I am proud of you. What are you wanting to study?”

Sam seemed a little nervous when he whispered out, “Business.”

Dean cringed because what was a sub going to do with a business degree? Sam couldn’t lead or make critical choices like that. It wasn’t in Sam’s nature. Sam needed to do something that could raise his value and study something that would increase his level of service to his dominant. Dean tried not to sound like an ass when he said, “Sam, why business? You’re a sub.”

Sam frowned and said carefully while staring at his hands. “I.. I think it would be good. If I focused on the accounting side, it could help me to manage finances and do taxes. Most tax preparers are subs.”

Dean thought and Sam did have a point. Reluctantly, Dean nodded and affirmed, “Good, it sounds like you thought about this. You’ll make some dom proud one day.”

++

Lucifer was laying in his bed with Abaddon. She was his redhead soccer mom on the side. Her dominant, Cain, was lacking for her. So she came to him for stress relief. She was cuddled up next to him after their night of sexual adventure. He always had to scale back with her but he still enjoyed her. She could take a lot and she voiced her opinion about things.

Abaddon ran her fingers through his chest hair and asked quietly, “What happened to Sam?”

Lucifer looked down at her and their eyes met. He missed Sam. It had been a few weeks since he had spoken to Sam but he understood Sam didn’t have the money to call. They exchanged emails and chatted online during the day like old times, back when Sam was just a business venture. He said sincerely, “He left. Sam was weak and I sent him back to his father.”

Abaddon frowned slightly and then she asked, “Do you have anyone else?”

Lucifer hummed for a moment then he said distantly, “No, I’m alone now. I miss Sam. I just wish he was stronger.” Lucifer thought about Ruby who was locked inside a cage in the basement at the moment. Abaddon didn’t know she was there which was probably for the best. Viewers weren’t responding to Ruby’s body type. It was matured too much. Lucifer was trying to thin her out to try to gain viewership, but he suspected he would end up killing her soon.

Abaddon didn’t need to know about a girl who was going to die soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and if you're not from the U.S., I hope you had a great Thursday.
> 
> Note: For those of you outside the US, mental health expenses aren't normally covered by medical insurance and until recently lower income families didn't always have insurance. A visit with a shrink for half an hour would be around $350.00. When I was in the psych ward for all of 3 days a couple years ago for suicidal ideation, my bill was $8,000. But there were no sketchy doctors like there are in this story. I couldn't afford a shrink and a therapist, so I paid for a therapist (60 bucks a week) and found an MD (which only billed about 125 a visit) that was willing to write scripts for meds which wasn't that hard as long as I told them I was seeing a therapist or feeling like offing myself. 
> 
> So if you're wondering why Dean can't afford doctors for Sam that is why. The health care system in the US is for profit which means if you can't afford it, you go without or find a way around it.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Sam meets Gabriel...

Sam was nervous about starting college. He had gotten his financial aid paperwork filled out. It would pay for his tuition but not his textbooks. Dean had offered to help pay for those and Sam was grateful for the help. It meant a lot to him that Dean would look after him like that. He had a job interview with a janitorial company. Sam was nervous about going to the interview but he knew he needed a job to help Dean out. The voices were getting better with the more social contact he had, so Sam felt confident that he could manage a job.

Sam walked the short distance to a coffee shop where he was meeting the manager of the janitorial company. He sat nervously at the table while he waited. Sam focused on answering the questions right. Dean went through the common job interview questions with him the night before. After a few minutes of waiting a man with a thick southern drawl sat down across from him. The man said, “I’m Benny and you must be Sam.”

Sam looked up far enough to see the man’s chin but he didn’t make eye contact. Nervously Sam said, “Yeah, I am.”

Benny tapped his fingers on the table and said bluntly, “You’re hired. I just had to make sure you weren’t a dom. The damn doms never listen to anything I say and this is janitorial work. It isn’t rocket science. I am sure you know most of it already.”

Sam smiled slightly and said quietly, “Thank you. I really appreciate you hiring me.”

Benny laughed, “Sure thing, kid. I pay a dollar above minimum and if you can stop by the administration building at the college this afternoon, I can get you started. We have contracts at the college and a grocery store in town. We also get side projects from small businesses from time to time. I will let you know when those come up.”

Sam nodded and asked carefully, “I am starting college in the fall. Will you be willing to work around my schedule?” Sam stared at his hands. He was afraid Benny wouldn’t be willing to work around his school schedule and he would have to continue his search for a job.

Benny laughed again, “You sure are a timid thing. Yeah, just let me know what you’re schedule is. Like I said, this isn’t rocket science and as long as I know when something is getting done we should be good.”

++

Gabriel was hiding in the janitor closet. If he had to listen to one more student complain about how they couldn’t get drunk in the dorms at 19, he was going to scream or pull his hair out, possibly both. Both sounded like the best option.

Gabriel was chewing through Benny’s candy stash when he heard Benny’s voice, “This is the closet where we keep all of the supplies.” Gabriel shoved the empty candy wrappers in the mop bucket and tried to make himself look presentable as he heard Benny open the door.

He locked eyes with Benny as soon as the door opened. Gabriel sheepishly said, “Benny, what are you doing here?”

Benny raised an eyebrow and said flatly, “Why are you hiding in the janitor’s closet? Don’t you have an office to hide in?”

Gabriel shrugged and stepped out. He defended himself, “I do but my phone it never stops and then I have emails. You don’t know the struggle.”

Benny laughed and clapped him hard on the shoulder. Benny pointed to the boy next to him and said, “This is Sam. He’s fresh meat. Be nice to him.”

Sam was staring intently at the floor and the kid’s hair was hiding his face. The kid was clearly a sub, but he was tall and a little thin. The kid could probably benefit from some candy. Gabriel smiled at the kid and said professionally, “It is nice to meet you, Sam.” The kid looked up then, not enough to make eye contact but enough to see his face. Sam was beautiful. Gabriel was pretty sure his brain short circuited for a couple moments. Then he blurted out, “How old are you?” He wanted to know if he was going to hell or not.

Sam frowned and spoke so softly. His voice was sweet like honey or timid as all get out. It just depended on how someone looked at it. “I am 18. I promise I won’t be any trouble.”

Benny interjected and said swiftly, “You’re fine, Sam. Why don’t you write your name and time we got here on the schedule while I talk to Mr. Milton?” Then Gabriel was being dragged around the corner by his arm by Benny.

Gabriel yanked his arm away and said defensively, “I am not a child.”

Benny crossed his arms and said firmly, “You’re going cross eyed over an 18 year old boy. I know he is sub, but still. This is probably the kid’s first chance to go out and do something on his own because he is a sub. Please don’t make him uncomfortable with your antics or make his dominant brother come kick your ass.”

Gabriel put his hands up and proclaimed, “I will not mess with your help.” Benny raised an eyebrow and Gabriel elaborated, “And I will not sexually harass him.”

Benny nodded and said coldly, “Good. He seems like a nice kid.”

++

Michael Campbell was staring at Castiel like he had lost his mind. He repeated carefully, “Dr. Masters was going to do a lobotomy on Sam Winchester through his nose?”

Castiel rubbed his temples for what felt like the fifteenth time during this meeting. He sighed and said, “Yes.” Michael was a doctor inside the FBI and Castiel had asked him to review the information they had on Dr. Azazel Masters.

Michael shook his head, “He was trying to either kill Sam or turn him into a vegetable. A lobotomy is done through the corner of the eye and Sam would have been unconscious. He wouldn’t have been awake and strapped down like that. Typically, they use electricity to render the patient unconscious. It makes the recovery time less.”

Castiel muttered, “That is barbaric. Can you imagine how painful that must be?”

Michael sighed, “That is why it is hardly ever done anymore and they have to gain the patient’s permission. In this case, they would have had to documented Sam’s mental illness and how all other treatment options failed. Given the kid was only there for a couple days that never happened. Also Daddy Winchester would have had to give the green light on the procedure or a judge if Sam was still a ward of the state. Neither of those things happened.”

Castiel stared at the ceiling and said calmly, “Okay, so do you think we can get a warrant to search patient records for anymore misconduct?”

Michael shrugged and stated, “That is your gig. However, I will be willing to go with you on a search. I am willing to bet Dr. Masters does the most questionable things at his home.”

Castiel sighed, “I will submit a request for the warrants.”


	30. Chapter 30

Lucifer stared at Ruby’s sleeping form. She was in her cage and unlike when Sam was it, this didn’t bother him. He felt nothing for Ruby. He missed Sam and he wanted Sam back. Lucifer wanted to make sure no one else had Sam. He knew that didn’t make sense because he had been paid to allow people to fuck Sam. He got paid when he posted videos of torturing Sam. Sam made him a goldmine, just by being Sam.

Ruby, she didn’t do much for him. Sure, she was loyal. She never spoke out against him. She always tried halfheartedly to please but she was missing something. Maybe it was the screw the world attitude that she had. Sam never had that. Sam was afraid of the world. He liked Sam’s fear and innocence. It allowed him to manipulate Sam which was something he couldn’t do with Ruby.

Lucifer decided to have some fun before he dropped her off at Azazel’s house. He pulled her out of the cage and she moaned. Lucifer grinned because he hadn’t fed her in a few days. She was probably suffering. He dragged her by her hair to table and pulled her up on it. He body was light. Disappointingly, as her body thinned out her breasts didn’t get much smaller.

He hummed while he thought about that. Lucifer remembered that he had read about a concept called breast ironing. It was done in some African cultures when a young girl started to develop breasts, her mother would heat a stick or something and ‘iron’ over the girls breasts to temporarily stop the breast development.  Lucifer decided he could take a much more literal and sadistic stance to the concept.

Lucifer tied Ruby down to the table and he went to get an extension cord and the iron. He quickly plugged in the iron and frowned. Sam had used that iron to iron his clothing. Lucifer felt himself start to get hard as he thought about Sam’s completely naked body ironing his clothes. Lucifer groaned and pushed Sam from his mind. He would have Sam’s tight ass soon enough.

Once the iron was warm and on its highest setting, Lucifer pressed it hard against Ruby’s left breast. She screamed and thrashed weakly in her bindings. He could smell her burning skin and it made him smile. Lucifer knew it was a sick evil sneer but he couldn’t deny how it made him feel. Lucifer felt powerful as he pulled the iron away and watched as some of the skin stick to the iron. It left a horrible weeping burn in its wake. He sat the iron down and ran his fingers over the wound. Lucifer could see tears in Ruby’s eyes.

He leaned down and kissed her nose. He whispered, “It’s okay, Ruby. Your master is going to make it all better.” Lucifer picked up the iron again and applied it to her other breast. She screamed and Lucifer could feel the breath of her screams on his face. Ruby still didn’t cry though.

Lucifer put the iron down again and he was hard. Lucifer knew it was sick to find this arousing but he didn’t care. Lucifer unzipped his pants and pulled himself out. He spread Ruby’s legs on the table and crawled in between. Lucifer thrust into her without warning and started a hard pace. She was completely dry down there. It reminded him of Sam. He hated how wet she would get when she would get turned on. Lucifer played with the burns on her breasts while he fucked her.

He wanted to get Ruby to cry for him. She never cried, not even now. She always held back and Lucifer didn’t like how she was keeping that piece of herself from him.

++

Castiel finally got Sam Winchester to sit down with him. They wanted Sam accounted for when the search warrant was executed on Azazel Masters’ property. Since Castiel had a ‘relationship’ with Sam, he got selected to meet with the young man. He was disappointed that he was missing the search but he knew this was important.

Sam came to the police station with his brother. Castiel noted the way Sam kept his head down and his shoulders were hunched over. It made the young man look smaller than what he was. Castiel could tell just by visual appearance that Sam was being taken care. His cheeks had color to them.

Castiel led the Sam and Dean into a small meeting room and sat down across from them. Dean snapped at him first. “I cannot believe you asshats issued a warrant to talk to Sammy.”

Castiel took a calming breath and stated clearly, “I am sorry, Mr. Winchester. As I explained, I am fine with you being here with your brother for the interview. After we are done talking, Sam is free to go. If Sam gets tired at any time we can stop and we can pick it up again after a short break or a long break. Whatever Sam needs.”

Dean nodded and crossed his arms. He was glaring daggers at Castiel which wasn’t going to help getting Sam to open up and he didn’t want Sam to shutdown. Dean said coldly, “Okay ask your questions so we can go.”

Castiel gave a small smile and turned his attention to Sam. “Hi Sam, I don’t know if you remember me but we met at the hospital. I helped you get dressed so you could go home with your father and brother. Do you remember that?”

Sam whispered out a quiet, “Yes.” But offered no further details.

Castiel asked carefully, “Can you tell about Dr. Masters? He was the doctor treating you at the hospital.”

Sam picked at the skin on his thumb for five minutes without saying anything. Then softly Sam replied, “His name is Azazel. He.. I am not supposed to say. I’m sorry, I don’t want to get punished.”

Castiel knew he was on to something or at least he hoped he was. He wasn’t sure of Sam’s mental state. Castiel knew Sam was starting classes at the local college, he had a job, and he had attained his GED. Sam was pulling his life together so it would seem that Sam was mentally sound. Carefully Castiel said, “Sam, no one is going to hurt you or do anything to you if you tell me. In court documents, they won’t have your name because you were a minor at the time. Sam, trust me everything will be okay.”

Sam bit his lip and shook his head no.

Castiel softly pleaded, “Sam, I don’t know what happened to you unless you tell me. However, I can tell that if you don’t talk to me someone else could be get hurt. I know you don’t want another person to go through what you went through.”

Dean protectively moved his arm in front of Sam, as he was shielding Sam from Castiel. His voice was firm and it was clear Dean was only talking to Sam. “Hey Sammy, if you can’t talk about it that is okay. You’re not responsible for anything and no matter what happened I will still be your brother. I will still look out for you.”

Sam reached out and grabbed Dean’s hand. He stared at it was he spoke. His voice shook and the volume was unsteady. “Azazel gave Lucifer pills for me to take. Lucifer told me they were vitamins. I don’t know what they really were. For.. for payment, Lucifer let Azazel have me. I.. I tried to runaway but he caught me. They hurt me. Lucifer let me go but Azazel found me. He always finds me.”

Sam wasn’t making much sense to Castiel so he decided to work backwards, “What did Azazel do to you in the hospital?”

Sam squeezed Dean’s hand and his voice was near monotone now. “Azazel had sex with me while I was tied down. He called it making love to me. He told me that he had to clean up Lucifer’s mess but he wanted to have his way with me first. Azazel said he was going to make me forget who I am.”

Castiel tried to keep a neutral expression. There was a chance Sam imagined everything. Then Dean shattered that, “Sam’s boxers that he wore home from the hospital, they had jizz stains on the backside. It sounds creepy but I never washed them. I have them in a plastic bag at the apartment. Something inside me told me not to wash them.”

Castiel blinked at Dean and asked, “Would you be okay with giving those to me for possible evidence?”

Dean nodded and replied shakily, “Yeah sure.”  

Castiel breathed a sigh of relief and he turned his attention back to Sam. “Can you tell me what Lucifer’s real name is?” He thought that maybe if he used Lucifer’s real name, he could get Sam to open up a little more about him.

Sam’s jaw clenched for a moment. Then Sam reached for a piece of paper and wrote down the name _Nick Campbell._ Castiel now had a name for the killer he had been desperately searching for.

 


	31. Chapter 31

Michael Campbell took in the evidence that surrounded him. He had spoken with Nick, his brother, at length about what to do about Sam Winchester. Agent Novak was already onto Azazel Masters so they reasoned the best course of action would be for Azazel to take the fall. Michael was fairly certain it would be easier to silence Sam.

From what Michael was able to find out about the kid, he was messed up. It would be easy to make Sam’s death look like a suicide. However, Nick didn’t want to kill Sam. He liked Sam. Well, Nick said that he loved Sam but Michael doubted Nick was actually capable of love. It was probably more lust.

Michael had never met Sam Winchester, nor had he ever engaged in illegal activities with his brother. He didn’t even know about it until recently when Castiel dropped the Sam Winchester bombshell on him. It didn’t take much effort for him to figure out who the guilty parties were. Nick was upset about losing Sam and the photos matched.

Michael did read the scripts from the videos that Castiel watched. He couldn’t bring himself to watch what his brother did. It did sicken him but he didn’t want Nick to rot in prison. Nick was his baby brother and he had to protect him.

He heard the cadaver dogs start barking and he knew they found the bait Nick had planted on Azazel’s property earlier in the day. Michael walked around to the back porch. He saw an agent pulling the dog back. Beyond that he saw the body of a young girl. Her eyes were open and empty, forever staring into nothing. She had severe burns on her body and she looked emaciated. The exact cause of death was not immediately clear to Michael and Nick never told him how he was going to do it.

Michael snapped on a pair of rubber gloves and started heading toward the crime scene when Agent Mills stopped him. She was a dark haired woman that was ruthless. She said firmly, “I need to have a word with you and then you’re going back to the motel.”

Michael gave her a confused look but followed her. Once they were away from everyone Michael asked with concern, “What is going on?”

Agent Mills frowned, “Your younger brother, Nick Campbell, has been named as a person of interest in this investigation. He has ties to Mr. Masters and a judge just signed off on a search warrant for your brother’s property. It is being executed now. I am heading over there.”

Michael could feel his heart beating in his chest. This could not be happening. His brother would go to jail and never get out. Quickly he said, “There must be some mistake, Nick would never do anything like this. Can you tell me how this happened?” Michael did not know if Nick cleaned up everything at his house.

Agent Mills looked away and said quietly, “Michael, I like you. We have one body. Multiple other suspected murders. We have one survivor. We need to explore all angles. I hope your brother didn’t have anything to do with this, but with your brother..”

Michael cut her off and put his hands up. He shook his head and said dismissively, “I get it. I do. It just isn’t right. Nick couldn’t hurt a fly, much less do something like this.” He was going to take care of Sam Winchester himself. He didn’t care how many times Nick proclaimed his love for Sam.

++

Sam wasn’t sure what he was feeling inside. He found out things today that he didn’t know before and it made him angry. Sam knew Lucifer took pictures of him sometimes. He just never imagined that Lucifer would sell them. He didn’t like looking at the pictures of himself when Lucifer was hurting him.

He didn’t even remember what was going on in all the photos. He didn’t have answers for all of Castiel’s questions and sometimes, when he did know the answer he didn’t answer. It felt like he had been in this interview for hours. He wanted to home.

Sam looked over at Dean. The color in Dean’s face left hours ago or maybe it wasn’t that long ago. Sam shifted in his seat and asked quietly, “Can I go home? I.. I want to go home.”

Castiel nodded and said reassuringly, “Of course, but I have a couple more questions for you.”

Sam nodded and waited. He felt exposed and raw inside. He didn’t like this feeling.

Castiel turned his page in his notebook. Sam knew it was a set of questions. The notebook had to have at least a hundred pages of questions. He thought playing twenty questions as a child was bad. This was awful. Castiel asked pointedly, “Sam, can you tell me about the first time Nick raped you?”

Sam stared blankly at Castiel’s hands on the table. Almost all the questions asked had been about Azazel. It caught him off guard to get asked about Nick or Lucifer. Nick never raped him. He couldn’t have because Sam was his property. Nick said he didn’t have the right to say no because he was slave. Sam didn’t know how to answer that question so he decided to be honest. “I don’t know. I.. He told me that I didn’t have a choice so I don’t know.”

Castiel took a slow breath and said carefully, “Sam, you always have a choice. Someone can’t take that away from you. Did you ever express to Nick that you didn’t want to have sex or engage in sexual activity?”

Sam licked his lips as he thought. He glanced at this brother again then he closed his eyes. It was easier to talk when he didn’t have to see the people around him. Sam couldn’t get his voice above a whisper no matter how hard he tried. “I did. He would punish me and make me apologize for even asking such a thing. I always felt bad afterwards, I knew I shouldn’t ask not to do my duty. I wanted him to be the only person I had sex with. He.. He shared me with other people and I didn’t want that. I knew I deserved it though.” Sam stopped himself from going anything further. He had already spoken about when Azazel made love to him and how he had begged Azazel to stop.

This was different though. This was about Nick. Sam was angry with Nick and he felt like he had been lied to but he didn’t want Nick to go to jail. Sam just wanted Nick out of his life.

Dean cut in and firmly said, “Sam, don’t make excuses for Nick and don’t try to protect him. He nearly killed you for God’s sake.” Sometimes, Sam wondered if Dean could read his mind.

Sam closed his opened his eyes as he looked at Castiel. He whispered, “Sorry.” Sam wanted to go home.


	32. Chapter 32

Sam was shaking. He had called Lucifer from a payphone outside his work and college. The police searched Lucifer’s house and he was charged with some things. Lucifer was angry with him and Lucifer told him that the only way for him to get out of this was if he wasn’t around anymore. Lucifer had told him how it would be good for Sam to end it all. Sam knew he was a burden and Lucifer was right.

He walked back into work and decided that he had to finish cleaning. Then he could go home and figure out how to end everything. Sam knew he would have to figure out what to say to Dean. A note would probably be good. At least, Dean could be around his son once Sam was gone. Lisa didn’t trust him around the baby which Sam understood. Subs were bad.

He grabbed a stack of trash bags and set about getting the trash from the offices. Sam carefully removed each trash bag. Then he carefully cleaned the inside and outside of each bin with disinfectant and wiped it dry with a rag. Then he replaced the bag. It was an easy process but Benny said that past workers had trouble following the directions on how to do this. They liked to skip the part of cleaning the bin. Sam thought that was gross to leave the bin dirty.

Sam was steadily making his way through the offices when he got to Mr. Milton’s office, the counselor. Sam was pretty sure the man had a crush on him and it made Sam nervous. He didn’t know how to react to that. He wasn’t sure he liked being hit on. It was from his time with Lucifer that gave him an aversion to people finding him attractive. It just made him nauseous.

Still he had a job to do. Sam knocked lightly on the doorframe and waited for Mr. Milton to look up from his work. Sam watched the movement of his neck to see when he looked up. Once Mr. Milton looked up Sam said nervously, “Is it okay if I take your trash, sir?”

Mr. Milton got up and pulled his trashcan out from under his desk. He handed it over to Sam and said calmly, “Sam, you can call me Gabriel. How are you today? You look tired.”

Sam shrugged and pulled the bag out of the trashcan. He carefully started cleaning the bin when he spoke. “I am okay. Thank you for asking.”

Mr. Milton.. Gabriel hummed and said kindly, “Okay but if something is bothering you, we can talk.”

Sam quickly slipped another bag into the trashcan and handed it back to Gabriel. He shook his head no and went for his default answer. “I am fine, really.”

Gabriel laughed lightly as he put his trashcan back and opened his desk drawer. He asked causally. “Would you like a piece of candy?”

Sam shook his head no and stated, “No, I am not allowed to have candy.”

Sam was starting to make his exit when Gabriel quickly replied. “Oh, I’m sorry Sam. I didn’t realize you have a dom.”

Sam turned back to look at Gabriel as he adjusted his grip on the trash bags he was carrying. “I.. I don’t. My brother just has rules. He looks out for me and he helped me get better. He is helping me get better. I don’t want to disobey him.”

Gabriel smiled and Sam caught sight of it. He offered kindly, “Well, if your brother says it is okay, I would love to get to know more about you.”

Sam nodded as he walked away and said, “I’ll ask.” He had no intention of really asking. Sam had every intention of ending everything tonight. Lucifer wanted him to so that must be the right thing to do.

++

Dean had a second job at the local bar. He wanted to build up a little buffer for him and Sammy. Dean knew Sam was far from okay and the aftermath of everything with Agent Novak was a little much for Sammy. Sam just laid on his bed holding Sully and barely moved for days after that interview. To Sam’s credit, he did get up and go to work. But everything else was a challenge. Dean had to all but force Sammy to eat.

The worst part was, Dean knew Sam called that bastard today. He had stopped by the college to check on Sam and saw him on a payphone talking to someone. It had to be that bastard because Sammy had a cell phone. Why would he use a payphone to talk to anyone? The only reason, Dean could think of was that Sam didn’t want him to know about it.

He was going to talk to Sam about it at his work, but he thought better of it. Dean did overhear Sam talking to someone named Gabriel. The guy was flirting with Sam and Sam seemed to be clueless to the flirting. Dean knew he would have to find out who this guy was and if he had to threaten him or not. This guy could be really good to Sam so Dean wasn’t discounting the possibility of this guy being a good dom for Sam.

Dean left work at the bar early. He had a feeling that he should get home. He shucked off his jacket as he entered the apartment. Dean’s eyes scanned the room for Sammy. He started walking through the apartment and saw Sam sleeping on his bed.

Dean crept in the room and noticed long scratches down Sam’s wrists. He walked closer and inspected what he could see. Sam had cut himself repeatedly on his wrists. His brother didn’t get deep enough to cause any real damage but something set Sam off.

He nudged Sam’s shoulder slightly and sat down on the floor in front of Sam’s bed. Dean knew that Sam didn’t like to be touched and the only way to get Sam to look at him was if he was physically lower than Sam, even then Sam would often look away from him.

Sam’s eyes opened slowly then he immediately hid his arms under his blanket. Dean frowned he knew what Sam was doing. He wasn’t sure how to approach this. Basic questions would probably be best, “What happened to your wrists?” Sam stared at him then he scooted up on the bed so he was sitting up. That was when Dean noticed an empty bottle of acetaminophen. He felt his protectiveness flare inside of him. He asked bluntly, “Did you take a bunch of pills?”

Sam opened his mouth a few times and closed it. He did sound ashamed when he said, “I’m sorry, Dean. I just want this to be over.”

Dean nodded and stood up. He dragged Sam out of bed by his arm and into the bathroom. Dean didn’t want to take Sam to the hospital, not with Sam’s last visit to the nut house. He ordered, “Make yourself throw up.”

Sam actually listened to him which Dean was grateful for. He watched while Sam put two fingers down his throat to throw up. Sam was throwing up whole pills which meant Sam didn’t take them that long ago. Dean searched through the cabinet for laxatives to clean out Sam’s system. He found a bottle of magnesium citrate.

Dean took the bottle and stepped out of the bathroom to chill it in the freezer for a few minutes. He also wanted to grab Sam a glass of water. On the way back to the bathroom, Dean noted a letter from Sam on the table. He stopped to read it.

_“Dean,_

_I am sorry. You were the best big brother I could ask for. This isn’t your fault. Life is too much for me. I am embarrassed by what happened with Nick. I feel like it is my fault. I don’t understand why they are going after him._

_I feel like it is my fault that you can’t see your son._

_It is my fault that Dad hates me. I am not the son he wanted._

_It’s my fault Mom died. If I was never born then she wouldn’t have died. You wouldn’t have grown up without a mother._

_I keep causing problems and I can’t do that anymore. I’m sorry._

_Love,_

_Sammy”_

Dean took a couple deep breaths to calm himself. He had to stay calm for Sam’s sake. He couldn’t blow up at Sam. He had to be rational about this. God help him.


	33. Chapter 33

Sam stared at the river that flowed steadily from below the bridge. It was perfect. There were no imperfections in the water. The river was nothing like him. Sam was on the other side of the guardrail. He was holding onto the rail while he considered letting go. He had nothing to live for.

Dean had stopped his last attempt and played mother hen for a few days but he knew deep down Dean didn’t want to deal with him. Sam had caused Dean to lose everything. Dean wasn’t here to stop him now. Dean was visiting his son. Dean couldn’t interfere.

Sam let go of the rail and let himself fall into the river below him. He could feel the cool wind blowing against his face. He stared at the water and thought about how at least it was a pretty view. Sam’s life didn’t flash before his eyes or anything. He figured that was because he nothing worth remembering. He doubted anyone would remember him once he was gone. That was probably for the best. Sam knew he should be lost and forgotten.

He felt the cool water hit his face. It stung and Sam closed his eyes. He felt the rest of his body hit the water. His arm brushed up against some rocks on the riverbed. Then Sam realized he was floating down the river. He knew how to swim and he wasn’t injured. Sam pulled himself under the water and tried to hold himself under.

Sam was too weak to actually go through with it. He pulled himself up every time. Slowly Sam made his way to the shore and he laid on the rocks as he stared up at the sky. Lucifer was right. He was weak. Sam knew he couldn’t even kill himself. He wasn’t strong enough.

Eventually, Sam started to get cold from laying on the shoreline. He hefted himself up and started walking home. He didn’t know what else to do. The air was chilly which he didn’t notice before or maybe it was that he was completely soaked.

Sam started walking along the highway when a car pulled up alongside him. It was Mr. Milton. Sam kept walking and he heard the window roll down. Mr. Milton’s concerned voice hit his ears. “Sam, why are you soaking wet?”

Sam stopped to look at him. He noticed Mr. Milton’s hand hanging out of the car window. He decided to go for a shortened version of events. “I fell in the river, but I am fine.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow that he doubted Sam could see. Then he patted the side of his car and said calmly, “Well, get in I can give you a ride. I am guessing that your brother will be upset to hear about your incident. We can go to my place so you can clean up.”

Sam knew Gabriel was right, Dean would likely be home by the time he got there and Dean would be pissed. Reluctantly, Sam nodded his head and said quietly, “Okay, thank you, sir.”

++

The drive to Gabriel’s apartment was quiet. Sam had no idea what to say so he just stared out the window and accepted the blanket Gabriel handed him. The complex Gabriel lived in was on the other side of town from where he lived. Sam followed Gabriel to the apartment and stepped inside after the door was unlocked.

Gabriel tossed his keys on the counter. Then he turned around and resisted the urge to chuckle at the soaked boy. He motioned toward Sam and said calmly, “Why don’t you strip down so I can throw your clothes in the wash.” Gabriel paused because that sounded off. He added quickly, “I will grab you a towel so you can cover yourself.”

Awkwardly, Gabriel retrieved a towel and handed it to Sam then he excused himself from the room. He waited a few minutes before he came back in. Sam had the towel wrapped around his waist and had actually folded his wet clothing. It was kind of cute. Gabriel took the clothing and started the wash. Then he tossed Sam’s tennis shoes in the dryer for a few minutes.

Sam was staring at him. Gabriel cleared his throat and asked, “Would you like to sit with me and watch some TV?”

Sam nodded his head and said, “Yes, sir.”

Gabriel was nervous as he sat down on the sofa. Sam didn’t sit on the sofa. A good submissive sits on the floor unless told otherwise. That was what Lucifer always told him. Sam knew he wasn’t Gabriel’s submissive but he was a guest in Gabriel’s home. He should be kind and follow the simple rules. Sam knelt down on the floor and lowered his head.

Gabriel wanted Sam. His mind was on a mental loop of _don’t take advantage of him. Don’t take advantage of him. Don’t take advantage of him._ He knew rationally that someone did something to Sam to make him this way. His lust won out over his rational thought. He motioned in between his legs and said firmly, “Come here.”

Sam never got up from his knees. He shuffled over and knelt in front of Gabriel. Carefully, Gabriel lifted up Sam’s head by putting two fingers under his chin. Sam still wasn’t looking at him. Sam’s eyes were downcast.

Gabriel kept his voice firm, “Look at me.”

It almost looked painful for Sam to meet his gaze but he did. Sam was blinking rapidly and Gabriel held Sam’s gaze. It was looking more and more physically painful for Sam to do this. He wanted to see how long Sam could. He wanted Sam to be able to look at him and other people. After less than a minute Sam whispered out, “Please.”

Gabriel smiled and asked kindly, “Please what, little boy?” He knew he shouldn’t be giving Sam pet names, but it just slipped out. He knew he had to get Sam’s consent.

Sam looked scared but he managed to stutter out, “Please, I… It hurts.”

Gabriel didn’t want to push Sam too far. He could teach Sam to be clearer later. He knew what Sam wanted so he nodded his head and said calmly, “You can look away if you wish. Thank you for obeying me.” Gabriel removed his fingers from under Sam’s chin and Sam lowered his head as he looked away.

Sam whispered out a shaky, “Thank you, sir.”

Gabriel stared at Sam’s nearly naked body for a few moments. The boy really was beautiful, not that he would tell Sam that right now. Some guys were a little sensitive to being called terms like beautiful because of the feminine undertones. Gabriel decided that the best thing to do was to see if Sam wanted him.

Gabriel kept his voice neutral and kind. “Sam, you’re a very good submissive. I would be honored if you would like to share that with me and see where everything goes.”

Sam closed his eyes and said a soft, “Yes, sir.” He didn’t feel like he was in a position to make demands right now. He didn’t even have clothes and he knew that he would be losing the towel covering him shortly.

Gabriel hummed for a moment then he said clearly, “Since we don’t know each other well, I want to start with the basics. You can tell me no anytime and I will consider it. You may not get your way, but I will consider it. If something is an absolute no go for you, then use your safe word. What is your safe word, Sam?”

Sam stared blankly at the floor because he had never had a safe word. He wasn’t an idiot. He had heard of them before. He was just never allowed one. Sam shook his head no and said quietly, “I don’t have one. I’m sorry, sir.”

Gabriel didn’t know what to say to that. It explained a lot actually. Sam was probably forced to do things he didn’t want to do and it traumatized him. He decided to take control of the situation. He asked firmly, “What is your middle name?”

Sam responded easily to that question, “Henry.”

Gabriel smiled and said firmly, “Henry is your safe word.”

Sam discounted it as soon as Gabriel said it. He doubted Gabriel would stop even if he did use the safe word. Still he knew to be kind. He didn’t really feel like getting backhanded right now. “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” Sam had no idea how he went from trying to kill himself to kneeling on the floor in front of a dom. Life was always like this for Sam.

Gabriel reached out to touch Sam’s hair. When his hand brushed up against the side of Sam’s face, the boy flinched. Gabriel observed that Sam tried to cover it up and his body tensed like he was expecting to get the shit slapped out of him or something. He knew he would need to find out more about Sam. Still he gently ran a hand through Sam’s long hair.      

He wanted to make Sam feel comfortable, if that was even possible. Firmly Gabriel said, “Drop the towel. I want to see all of you.” He knew that orders tended to ground subs.

It was hesitant but Sam obeyed. At the very least, Sam was trained well. Sam’s body was a little on the fuzzy side. It wasn’t unattractive per se but normally subs shaved everything off as a sign of submission. Either Sam was rebelling against that or he was trained differently. Gabriel knew he could fix it either way.

Gabriel was hard and aching in his pants but when he looked over Sam’s body, the boy wasn’t turned on. Sam’s dick hung limply between his legs. It concerned him because maybe Sam didn’t want this and just wasn’t expressing it or maybe he was nervous. It was better to clarify. “You are very handsome, Sam. Do you wish to cover up or are you comfortable like this?”

Sam was feeling cold but he wasn’t an idiot. Lucifer would do these trick questions on him from time to time. The wrong answer resulted in either a beating or no food for an undetermined amount of time. Sam knew Gabriel couldn’t deny him food because Dean controlled that. However, Dean wasn’t here. Dean couldn’t stop Gabriel from beating him. Sam ran his hands up and down his arms to warm himself. Then he said quietly, “Whatever pleases you, sir.”

That was a non-answer if Gabriel ever heard one. Normally, it would be unacceptable but he already knew he was pushing. Part of Gabriel knew the only reason Sam wasn’t bolting out the door was because his clothes were in the wash. He could tell Sam was getting cold. Gabriel knew he could address that and hopefully gain some trust from the boy.

Gabriel reached out a hand and pulled Sam up on the sofa next to him. Sam shook when he grabbed hold of him. Sam was still trembling when Gabriel covered Sam with a small throw blanket. Gabriel didn’t miss the way he clutched onto the blanket like it was made of gold. Sam did have preference; he just didn’t voice it.

They sat in silence for several minutes. Gabriel left Sam on the sofa briefly to remove Sam’s shoes from the dryer and put his clothes in. When he returned, Sam was still staring at the ground with the blanket wrapped around him. Gabriel sat down next to Sam. His erection had waned so he didn’t feel like he was a giant pervert right now.

Gabriel cleared his throat and said carefully, “Sam, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. But who hurt you?”

Sam replied with a short, “My ex. Dean doesn’t like him,” Gabriel was pretty sure he didn’t like the man either.

Gabriel was relieved to know it wasn’t the brother but he still wanted to be the one to protect Sam. He apologized, “I am sorry, you were hurt.” Gabriel got no reaction from Sam. He asked, “What were you like before?”

Sam didn’t know how to answer that question. He remembered who he was, of course, but that Sam seemed like a different person. That Sam died at Lucifer’s hands. Sam didn’t know how to describe that Sam. So he answered honestly and quietly, “I don’t know.”

Gabriel smiled and said calmly, “Well, let me tell you about me. I am the college counselor, as you know. I have a five year old daughter, whom I have custody of. Her mother and I are separated and the divorce will be finalized this month. She was not a good submissive. She had violent tendencies and she liked to start fires.”

Sam didn’t really have any comment on that. He knew what it was like to have violent tendencies. His dad was violent. Lucifer was violent. He knew what it was like to be around someone who was violent.

Sam thought for a moment. If Gabriel took him as his submissive then Dean wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore. Dean could still live his life. Nervously Sam asked, “Are you telling me these things because you want a relationship with me or because you want a one night stand?”

Gabriel smiled and repressed the urge to laugh. “I want a relationship with you. I want you to wear my collar and kneel at my feet.”

Sam fiddled with the blanket and he asked quietly, “Will you beat me?”

Gabriel wasn’t expecting that question. He responded quickly, “No, that isn’t my way. I know some people may like that but I am not one of them.”

Sam nodded and decided to disclose a little about himself, “My ex is Nick Campbell. He was never my boyfriend. I was just his property. I was underage at the time and the police found out. He is in trouble for that. The case is still pending. I thought you should know.”

Gabriel sighed and said sincerely, “I am sorry he hurt you. Sam, being a submissive doesn’t make you property. It makes you special and something to be honored.”

Sam didn’t know about all that. He shrugged it off and said quietly, “I would like to try submitting to you, sir.”

Gabriel smiled and leaned in. He gave the boy a kiss on the lips. Sam returned it but it was inexperienced. Gabriel continued to kiss the boy with messy kisses. Sam seemed tense but the boy was obeying him. Gabriel hoped he could train Sam into what he wanted.  


	34. Chapter 34

Dean was less than amused to hear about Sam hooking up with Gabriel. He wanted to know about this man his brother was seeing. Dean went to the college to meet Gabriel. He took his gun with him, just to offer a little more of threat. He wasn’t going to angry shoot anything. He just wanted to make a point.

He wandered his way through the winding halls until he came upon the counselor’s office. Dean knocked once on the door before entering and closing the door. Gabriel stood with his arrival and Dean wanted to roll his eyes.

Gabriel questioned Dean curiously, “Can I help you?”

Dean sat down casually in the chair closest to the door. Gabriel was still standing so Dean glared up at him. Slowly Dean said, “My name is Dean Winchester and you fucked my submissive baby brother yesterday. I was hoping you could explain just exactly how that happened. Sammy has trouble saying no even if he really doesn’t want to do something. If anyone hurts my brother, I will kill them.” Dean knew the Nick Campbell was higher than Gabriel on his kill list but that was beside the point. He couldn’t kill Nick right now. Killing Nick would mean prison and someone had to take care of Sammy.

Gabriel leaned up against the wall and crossed his arms. He pondered the best way to defend himself and if defending himself was even wise. Gabriel decided to state the facts instead. “Sam has a safe word and I gave him some paperwork to fill out on limits so I know. After he fills his out, I will give him mine. I don’t want him to feel influenced by my desires. I am not all about sex, Mr. Winchester. I want a submissive that has skills that I can use to make my life easier. Sam is bright, I am sure I can train him to meet my needs.”

Dean raised an eyebrow and wanted to punch this guy. Sammy did not need to be trained like a circus animal. No, Sammy was perfect just the way he was. Sure Sam had issues but he was working through them. Sam didn’t need to go from a psychopath controlling him to another control freak that wanted to change Sam. Dean hadn’t decided if Gabriel was a psychopath yet or not. Dean forced himself to calm down. He stated firmly, “Sam, in case you failed to notice, is human. He has ambitions and free will. He doesn’t need to be trained like a fucking dog.”

Gabriel sat down because he knew this was escalating and he had a feeling this might happen when he met Sam’s brother. He gave Dean a few moments to calm down before he started speaking. Gabriel kept his voice level and calm, “I don’t think Sam is a dog. I would never treat him like a dog. I want Sam to achieve whatever it is he wants in life, but he is still a sub. We both know he needs direction. He needs purpose. He needs praise.”

Dean shifted in his seat and stated flatly, “What he needs is for someone to respect him enough not to fuck him up the ass on a first date.”

Gabriel laughed and said lightheartedly, “Well, I suppose it is a good thing I didn’t do that. I haven’t fucked him up the ass.. yet.” Gabriel winked at Dean before continuing, “I will spare you the details but we didn’t get past second base.”

Dean sighed and relented a little. He asked with uncertainty, “Do you want a relationship with him or are you just using him?”

Gabriel shook his head in disbelief and said earnestly, “I am not one to have flings. I want a relationship with your brother. Speaking of, it is clear to me that someone abused him. He said it wasn’t you which is a relief but can you tell me about what happened? I don’t want to do anything to trigger him or hurt him.” Gabriel wasn’t going to tell Dean that Sam had already given him a name. He wanted to see what Dean would say.

++

Sam sat the kitchen table with over five pages of different limits. It ranged from sexual things to the mundane like housework and working outside the home. It was overwhelming for Sam. Some of the things he had never heard of. Sometimes, Sam wondered if Lucifer had done some of these to him and Sam just didn’t know the word for what was done to him. He decided to leave the ones he didn’t know about blank so Gabriel could explain them to him. Sam hoped he wouldn’t get punished for asking questions.

Sam looked up from his work when he saw Dean sitting in the chair across from him with his legs resting on the table.  Dean smirked at him and stated, “Sammy, you know he is never going to want you once he finds out how messed up you are. You’re going to be my burden forever.”

Sam shook his head no and rubbed his temples. He stated adamantly, “I can keep myself together. I won’t need someone to take care of me forever. You’re wrong.” Sam felt a headache coming on. He did not want to deal with this right now. Sam just wanted to give things with Gabriel a chance.

Dean leaned in on the table closer to Sam. He mocked Sam and it filled Sam with shame. “Sammy, you’re not right in the head. I keep you on a schedule because Lucifer broke you. Did you like it when he let all those people fuck you? How do you know Gabriel hasn’t already screwed you? Lucifer’s people are everywhere. Dr. Masters found you in the nut house. What makes you think that another plant didn’t find you at the college?”

Sam slammed his hands down on the table and said angrily, “Dean, it isn’t like that. I would know.”

Dean chuckled and leaned back. He rested his hands behind his head and asked, “Are you sure you would know, Sammy?”

Sam stood and started gathering his papers to finish going through this in his room. He wanted to do a good job on it for Gabriel. He wanted to please him. Just as Sam had all the papers in his arms, he heard the front door open. Sam glanced at Dean sitting at the table. Dean was smirking at him. Then he glanced toward the door with dread filling him.

Sam was confused to see Dean walk through the door and he watched with uncertainty as Dean threw off his leather jacket onto the sofa. Sam looked from the Dean at the table and the Dean by the door. He was confused and his headache was getting worse. He didn’t know which one was real.

The Dean by the door said causally, “Hey Sammy, I talked to Gabriel and no, I didn’t threaten him. I want to go over the limit list he sent you home with later. I know it will be awkward but I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into. Gabriel is coming over for dinner tomorrow so the three of us can talk like grownups.” This Dean plastered a sincere smile on his face and Sam wasn’t sure what to think.

Sam looked at the Dean sitting at the table. The Dean at the table just shrugged and Sam was feeling confused and unsure. Times like this he got scared. Sometimes, he wondered if he was still in that cage. Sam sat his papers down and he started twisting the skin in the palm of his hand. He knew it would likely bruise but if he hurt himself, it grounded him. He was able to tell what was real and what wasn’t.

Slowly the Dean at the table flickered away and Sam returned his gaze to the other Dean, the real Dean. His brother had a concerned look on his face which filled Sam with shame. Sam lowered his eyes to stare at the floor.

Dean’s concerned voice drifted over to him, “Sammy, why don’t you sit down? I’ll make you some tea. It should help. You’re probably just a little tired.”

Sam sat down and started picking at the skin around his nails. He said quietly, “It happened again. I didn’t know what was real. I don’t want to live like this.” Sam hated not knowing what was real. He wished he didn’t have to deal with that.

Dean knelt down in front of Sam and said honestly, “You’re getting better, Sammy. You’re getting better every day. You’ll overcome this. I promise.”


	35. Chapter 35

Gabriel knocked on the door to the Winchester’s apartment. Dean answered the door and ushered him inside. Gabriel was nervous and he saw Sam in the kitchen cooking. It warmed his heart. Sam looked at ease. He made his way over to the table, as Dean instructed and waited. Dean sat down across from him.

He could hear the cooking going on in the kitchen as Dean said, “I am glad you could come over.”

Gabriel smiled and said nervously, “Thank you, Dean. I am glad you would invite me into your home.” This was beyond awkward.

Dean smiled and leaned back as Sam sat a plate in front of him. Then Sam sat a plate in front of Gabriel. It was a burger with homemade French fries. Dean looked like he was in Heaven so Gabriel was guessing this was Dean’s favorite meal. Gabriel started to eat following Dean’s lead. He was surprised when Sam joined them a few minutes later with a grilled chicken salad with no dressing. No wonder the boy was thin.

Sam ate his food tentatively and it looked to Gabriel like he was picking at his food. Dean glanced at Sam and asked firmly, “Would you be more comfortable eating in your room?” Sam shook his head no and Dean sighed, “Please eat, Sammy.”

Gabriel quirked an eyebrow and asked Sam, “Do you not like salad?” It didn’t escape Gabriel that Dean could be telling Sam what to eat. He didn’t like it but he knew that sometimes people sought to keep their subs thin and weak. They were easier to overpower that way.

Sam looked his direction but didn’t make eye contact. He was nervous and trying not to shake when he said, “I.. I like it just fine. I just don’t.. I..”

Dean cut him off and Sam looked down at his hands in shame. He could have explained himself if Dean had just given him a chance. Dean’s voice was harsh. “Sam has some issues with eating. He is on a special diet for his health.”

Sam whispered out, “Dean, I am not broken.” He knew his face was painted red with shame and he just wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere. He wanted to make a good impression for Gabriel and it wasn’t going well.

Gabriel picked up on the unease. Whatever this was, it was a point of contention between the two. He cleared his throat and said carefully, “You’re not broken, Sam and managing your diet has nothing to do with being broken. Everyone needs to watch what they eat. I do know for a fact that if you ate as much as your salad as you can stomach that would make Dean and I very proud.”

Sam felt a knot in his stomach. He had never been told like that to eat before. Sam wasn’t sure if it was a trick or not. Still he picked up his fork and took a couple bites. Sam was just about to put the fork down, as not to eat too much. He didn’t want to look like a pig or eat more than the doms. But he heard Gabriel’s encouragement, “Good boy, Sam. You’re doing great.”

Sam smiled despite himself and continued eating. The rest of his meal was filled with praise every few bites either from Dean or Gabriel. It left him feeling warm inside. He didn’t remember the last time he felt this good about eating. Sam wasn’t afraid of getting punished. He just wanted to eat his allotted food to be praised.

After dinner Sam went to the kitchen to do the dishes. Dean sat at the table and watched Sam for a moment. Gabriel was able to accomplish things with Sam in minutes that he had struggled with for months. Dean asked curiously, “How did you know that praising Sam would get him to eat?”

Gabriel leaned back and shrugged, “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” Dean gave him a disbelieving look and Gabriel chuckled. “If you treat Sam like he is broken and if your orders to him are a reflection of that belief, then he will view himself as broken. If you treat Sam like he good and encourage good behavior, he will view himself more positively.”

Dean tore his gaze away from Sam and whispered, “He wasn’t always like that. Nick did that to him. He drugged and tortured Sam. I don’t know all the details but I know that Nick would lock Sam in a small cage for days at time without food. I.. I don’t know if Sam had to beg for food or what he had to do. All I know is now he is skittish about eating.”

Gabriel hummed and glanced at Sam working diligently on the dishes. He pulled a piece of candy out of his coat pocket and said causally, “I am sure he has more going on than a fear of eating. That sort of isolation can cause someone to go bat shit crazy.”

Dean frowned and crossed his arms. He shook his head and admitted, “Sam hallucinates sometimes. From what I know, he only hallucinates me and our dad. He tells me he doesn’t know what is real and what isn’t. I don’t want to pump him full of pills. I can’t afford that anyways.”

Gabriel frowned. He could afford to take care of Sam. He just had to convince Sam and Dean that he was what was best for Sam. Before Gabriel could reply to that, Sam returned from doing the dishes. Gabriel smiled at Sam and held out a piece of candy. He asked kindly, “Would you like a bite?”

Dean answered for Sam. It was a firm short, “No, he isn’t allowed candy.”

Gabriel glanced at Dean and put away the offered candy. He said playfully, “Awe, Deano is a little controlling?”

Sam looked back and forth between Gabriel and Dean. He felt dread filling him. Tears started coming to his eyes. He could feel Lucifer’s breath on his skin. He could hear the whispered words telling him he wasn’t good enough. He wanted to be able to be respected as a person. Sam didn’t want Dean to make every choice for him. He didn’t want Gabriel to make every choice for him. He whispered out, “Please stop.” His voice hitched with the request and he found his eyes glued to the floor.

Dean snapped at Sam, “Shut up, Sammy.” Sometimes, Sam was embarrassing.

Gabriel noticed Sam flinch with the words and he noticed Sam was barely keeping his marbles from falling all over the floor. He decided to try to calm the situation. He spoke calmly but firmly, “Sam, come here.” He watched as Sam hesitantly came over to him. Gabriel had worked with enough abused kids to know that Sam was expecting to get the shit beat out of him.

Once Sam was close enough for him to touch, Gabriel reached out a hand and guided Sam to the seat next to him. He ran his hand up and down Sam’s arm as Sam let out a shuttering breath. Gabriel was content to wait Sam out and give him the time he needed.

Dean on the other hand was not. His voice was bordering on angry because having someone over for dinner messed with Sam’s schedule enough to cause him to be on the verge of a breakdown. He snapped at his brother again, “Get it together, Sam.” This was embarrassing. Dean knew he looked like he was the one abusing Sam.

Gabriel just smiled and reached out his other hand to cup Sam’s face. He kept his voice gentle but firm, “You’re okay, Sam. Just breathe with me. You did so well tonight. You fixed your brother and me dinner. You did the dishes without complaint. You’re a good boy and so strong. Just breathe with me. You’re okay.”

Slowly Sam’s breathing evened out and Gabriel knew he had gotten through to Sam. Normally, it would make him smile but he knew one shitty statement from Dean could change everything. Sam whispered out, “I’m okay.”

Dean rolled his eyes. He realized he was acting like a jealous teenage girl. He looked at the situation for a moment and tried to figure out why he was so jealous. Sure, Gabriel seemed to know the right words to sooth Sam. Sam seemed to favor Gabriel but Sam barely knew Gabriel. Surely, Sam had to know that his big brother was more reliable. Dean sighed and said honestly, “I am sorry for getting upset with you, Sammy. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Sam nodded but didn’t acknowledge his statement. Gabriel smiled slightly and asked Dean, “Would you mind if I keep Sam for a few days at my place? I want to see how it goes. I don’t have my daughter this week. She is visiting her grandparents.”

Dean’s jaw twitched. He closed his eyes and reminded himself that Sam had to make choices. He knew that if Sam was going with Gabriel, they were going to have sex. There was no way, Dean was going to give someone else permission to fuck his brother. Carefully Dean said, “That is Sam’s choice. However, if he goes I want a phone call everyday so I know he is okay.”

Sam shook slightly and said quietly, “I have work. I don’t want to lose my job. Will I still be able to go to work?”

Gabriel smiled and kept his voice calm, “Of course, Sam. You won’t be my prisoner. You can leave anytime. All you have to do is ask.”

Sam felt chills go down his spine. Lucifer told him he could leave but Lucifer lied. But Lucifer took care of him. Maybe Gabriel could take care of him too. Sam closed his eyes and swallowed his fear as he nodded his head in agreement. Somewhere in his mind, he felt like his family didn’t really want him.


	36. Chapter 36

Sam stayed silent as Gabriel drove him to his apartment. He was nervous and he fiddled with his bag of belongings in his lap. Sam didn’t pack much. He packed a couple changes of clothes, his toothbrush, and other toiletries. Sam did slip in a small first aid kit just in case he got hurt.

He followed Gabriel silently into his home. After Gabriel shut the door, Sam wasn’t sure what to do. Gabriel ordered calmly, “Go sit your bag down my bedroom. It is the first door on the right. Then come back out here.”

Sam felt fear but he tried to put on a brave face. He whispered out, “Yes sir.” Then he went to do as he was told. Sam hadn’t seem Gabriel’s bedroom the last time he was here. The room was vacant with the exception of the bed. The linens where a deep red and Sam thought it suited Gabriel. He didn’t snoop around any further and went to join Gabriel in the living room.

Gabriel watched Sam enter the room. The boy was nervous which Gabriel could understand. He really wanted to bend Sam over and fuck him but that had to wait. Gabriel picked up a lollipop he had on an end table and put it in his mouth. He said carefully, “Have you had a chance to go over the list of limits I gave you?”

Sam ran a nervous hand up and down his arm. He nodded his head yes then he whispered out, “Yes, I did. It is in my bag. Dean looked it over and added somethings and made some corrections.” Sam didn’t look up as he spoke. He was scared that he did something wrong.

Gabriel asked seriously, “Did he change things that you weren’t willing to do to something you were willing to do?”

Sam shook his head no and stuttered, “N..No. I.. I.. It..”

Gabriel stood and walked over to Sam. He took him by the arm and guided him down to the floor on his knees. Gabriel petted Sam’s hair with one hand and kept a firm hold on him with the other. He kept his voice soothing, “You’re okay, Sam. Just breathe.”

It took several minutes but Sam eventually calmed down to the point he was resting his head against Gabriel’s leg. Gabriel wouldn’t deny that it made him feel powerful to have Sam down on his knees like this. However, that was hardly the point. The point was to ground Sam so he would feel comfortable. Gabriel wished he knew everything that Sam suffered through.

Sam was feeling better. The fear was still there but he felt accepted for the moment. He licked his lips and focused on explaining himself. Sam knew he could get punished but he knew that not telling the truth could cause more punishment. He spoke slowly and quietly, “I am sorry, sir. I got frightened. Dean thought that somethings I was unsure about that I shouldn’t try. He didn’t change anything that I was uncomfortable with doing.”

Gabriel gently carded his hand through Sam’s hair. He didn’t say anything for a few moments. He wanted to see if Sam had anything else to add. Finally he said, “You’re okay, Sam. Now, please go get your list and meet me at the table so we can go over it.”

++

Gabriel sat at the table and reviewed Sam’s list of limits while Sam looked over his. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except there wasn’t much Sam wasn’t willing to do. Sam’s brother did voice some preferences on there but Gabriel skimmed over those. He focused more on what Sam didn’t want. It amounted to three things. Sam wanted them to be exclusive to each other. Gabriel knew there was probably something more there. Usually, a sub liked having sex with others and showing off their body. But Sam wanted something different. Gabriel did like to have causal sex sometimes but not often. He decided to try for Sam.

Sam didn’t want to be beaten, which was something they already discussed. Gabriel skimmed through the limits and saw that Sam was okay with some pain. Sam was okay with being spanked but Dean made the addendum not to leave bruising.  Gabriel wondered briefly if Dean was going to pull down Sam’s pants to make sure he didn’t leave a mark but then he refocused himself on more important matters. Gabriel needed clarification from Sam.

Gabriel sat the papers down and took out an ink pen so he could take notes. Gently Gabriel asked with no judgment in his voice, “What do you mean by not wanting to be beaten? I see that you’re okay with some pain. I just want clarification so I don’t hurt you.”

Sam stared intently at the papers in front of him. He didn’t really know how to explain it without telling stories. Sam decided to try. He was nervous, “I don’t want to be hit out of anger. I don’t want you to call me bad then hit me. It hurts more when it is out of anger or punishment. I.. I like some pain, I guess. It makes me feel okay.. good even when it isn’t done out of anger.” Sam hoped that didn’t make him sound insane.

Gabriel knew the endorphins released during that sort of activity could be what was making Sam feel okay. He wasn’t sure if that was healthy but he had seen where Sam lived. It was probably a coping mechanism for the boy. Gabriel asked curiously, “If you did do something wrong, how should I punish you?” He wanted to make sure he was on the same page with Sam.

Sam tensed a little bit. He didn’t like being punished. Sam didn’t understand why Gabriel couldn’t just talk to him if he did something wrong. Sam didn’t want to be hit or locked away. He knew that ultimately it wasn’t his choice on how Gabriel punished him. It was punishment. The whole point was for him not to like it so the behavior never repeated itself. Sam whispered out, “Whatever pleases you, sir.”

Gabriel shook his head and said carefully, “I favor ignoring or shunning for punishment. I may put you in a closet for a short time so you can think about your transgressions and I can have time to clear my head.” Gabriel watched Sam’s reaction. Sam wasn’t giving off very many non-verbal cues. It wasn’t terribly helpful.

Sam moved his left arm to protect his middle. He tried not to think of the darkness and the cage. He didn’t want to have to face that isolation again. Sam knew he just had to be good for Gabriel then he wouldn’t have to worry about that. Slowly Sam said, “Yes sir.”

Gabriel smiled at Sam even though he was fairly certain Sam wasn’t looking at his face. He went on to review the third thing Sam had listed. It seemed minor in the grand scheme of things but Sam didn’t want to be naked all the time. He wanted to be able to wear clothes which seemed reasonable to Gabriel. As long as Sam took his clothes off for sex, he was fine. That did lead him to something that he noticed when he saw Sam naked for the first time. Sam had body hair and it needed to be shaved off.

Gabriel rechecked Sam’s paperwork to make sure he didn’t have anything against that. Sam didn’t specifically say so Gabriel cleared his throat and said, “I have a spare razor in my bathroom cabinet. I want you to use it to shave off all of your body hair. This includes your legs, chest, arm pits, and privates. If you have trouble reaching an area I can help but I want you smooth. Once you are done shaving, please come out here so I can inspect you. Then you may get dressed.”

Sam didn’t want to but his fear of what would happen if he said no overrode his own wants. He whispered out a quiet, “Yes sir,” and went to do as he was told.

++

Sam stared at himself in the mirror after he shaved. He didn’t like what he saw. He found this to be degrading and humiliating. However, he knew that dominants liked their power trips and that was probably all this was. Sam knew Lucifer liked him shaved like this to make him look younger. Sam had no idea if Gabriel had the same reasoning and he wasn’t about to ask.

Albeit a bit reluctantly, Sam opened the door to the bathroom and went back out to the living room to find Gabriel. The dominant in question was eating a chocolate bar while watching some mindless television show. Sam made his way over to Gabriel and knelt down in a way he hoped was pleasing.

Sam was rewarded with Gabriel carding his hand through his hair. It calmed Sam a little. Then he felt Gabriel’s other hand roaming his body. Sam knew Gabriel was checking to see if he did as told. This was objectifying in Sam’s opinion but no one asked his opinion so he kept it to himself. Sam closed his eyes and let Gabriel touch him as he pleased. He tried to block it out as best he could.

Then he felt something wet by hole. Sam’s eyes snapped open as one of Gabriel’s fingers breached him. It hurt because this sort of thing always hurt. He didn’t mean to let the whimper escape him but it did. Sam felt Gabriel kiss him on the forehead and whisper, “Good boy, Sam. Do you like it when I touch you like this?”

Sam closed his eyes because he knew this wasn’t going to end regardless of what he said. He really wanted Gabriel’s fingers out of his ass. That wasn’t part of the agreement and Sam was pretty sure he didn’t have hair growing up his ass. Still he didn’t say anything meaningful to the way he felt, “I want to please you, sir.” Sam knew as long as he could keep Gabriel happy, he wouldn’t be punished. He wouldn’t be locked away again.

Gabriel pulled back and removed his fingers from Sam. He smiled but he noticed Sam didn’t seem aroused. He seemed tense. Gabriel wanted to do more but he stopped himself. He started to wipe his fingers off on a tissue and said calmly, “You may go get dressed, Sam. I am pleased with you.” Gabriel decided that it would probably be better to talk to Sam tonight instead of fuck him into the mattress.

 


	37. Chapter 37

Sam laid in bed next to Gabriel. He was lucky enough to be able to wear pajamas but he was still nervous and scared. Part of him wanted to go home and hide in his room. He wanted to forget ever having the idea of getting a dom to unburden Dean. Another part of him just wanted to be accepted for who he was. He wanted to be everything to someone instead of the nothing he felt like.

He didn’t have his tea before bed and Gabriel prompted him to eat candy which was forbidden by Dean. Sam’s stomach and nerves were on edge because he broke with his routine. He was grateful he hadn’t seen or heard any voices but he knew that could change in a moment.

Gabriel spoke kindly, “You’re terrified. I can see that. Would you be more comfortable sleeping on the sofa or in my daughter’s room? She isn’t here tonight.”

Sam wasn’t sure what to say about Gabriel’s offer. He didn’t want to upset Gabriel. He didn’t want to get punished. Sam closed his eyes and said quietly, “I only wish to please you.”

Gabriel sighed and sat up on the bed. He stared at Sam for a moment then he said calmly, “You know what would please me, kiddo? If you told me why you’re scared. I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”

Sam closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to watch if Gabriel decided to hit him. He spoke softly, “I am afraid you’re going to punish me. I don’t want to be locked away again.” He felt a tear fall down his face that he didn’t intend on releasing. He didn’t mean to start crying. It didn’t take long for him to start sobbing. He never let himself go like this.

It wasn’t long before Sam felt Gabriel wrap his arms around him and held him close. Sam had his head tucked securely under Gabriel’s chin as Gabriel rubbed gentle circles on his back. Gabriel whispered reassurances to him that he didn’t really understand. Sam wasn’t sure how long he cried for, but eventually he cried himself to sleep.

Gabriel wondered if maybe there was something wrong with him. He couldn’t control Kali and now with Sam, any attempt at control resulted in a breakdown. Gabriel knew he had to be clearer about punishment when Sam woke up. He wasn’t one to torture Sam but he did expect obedience and if Sam needed to be punished to get that obedience then so be it. Gabriel closed his eyes with his arms still uncomfortably wrapped about the sub. He had to try to get some rest.

++

Six thirty was early. It was way too early for much of anything in Gabriel’s opinion but the warmth around his cock felt nice.  Gabriel bucked slightly into the warmth and then he started to wake up enough to realize someone was sucking his dick. Gabriel wasn’t one to turn down a good blow job. He was a guy after all.

Gabriel moved his hand down and felt a mop of hair. It was shorter than Kali’s hair. Then it dawned on him. Sam. His broken submissive that cried himself to sleep last night was sucking his dick as a wake up call. Not a bad way to wake up, but they never discussed this. He had to make sure Sam didn’t think he had to make up for last night.

Carefully Gabriel pulled Sam off his manhood. Sam’s face was tear streaked which made him feel like shit. He wiped away the tears as Sam stared off somewhere in the corner. Gabriel whispered, “Thank you for the wake up call. Are you okay, Sam?”

He pulled Sam up on the bed until they were cuddling. Gabriel waited for Sam to say something or explain himself. His dick hurt from stopping Sam so he hoped Sam would say everything was fine and they could continue. It was selfish but it was what he wanted. Sam finally said, “It is 6:30. I didn’t want to get beaten.”

Gabriel stared at Sam’s messy brown hair for a moment. He used one hand to smooth the hair and kissed the top of Sam’s head. “I promised not to beat you. You don’t need to give me blow jobs as payment for not getting beaten.” He listened to Sam’s steady breathing for a moment as he pieced everything together and asked, “Did Nick beat you in the mornings?”

Sam nodded and whispered, “Nearly every morning, I hated it. Will you let me please you?”

++

Castiel stared at the ceiling of his office as if the ceiling could help the world make sense to him. The district attorney wanted to plea bargain with Nick Campbell. Nick would get off with five years unsupervised probation. Why? They were having trouble connecting anything to Campbell with physical evidence. They had Sam Winchester but the boy was a mental case. Castiel knew the defense attorneys would tear Sam apart at the trial and part of Castiel knew that Sam wasn’t strong enough to withstand that. Still, Castiel couldn’t help but feel like they were letting the leader of this group go.

Castiel sighed as his office door opened and Meg came in with his morning coffee. She smiled and sat it down on his desk. She perched on it and said twirled her hair. Meg said seriously, “Clarence, why are you still sweating about that trafficking and murder case? Masters is most likely going to get life. That is a huge win. So what, if one of them gets away?”

Castiel leaned back and stated, “The one that is getting away took a perfectly healthy teenage boy and tortured him to the point he needs his older brother to care for him. The teenager now insane because of the one that got away. How is that right? This kid’s life is ruined. Campbell killed others but I can’t prove it. All I have is a teenage boy for a witness. This kid needs therapy and a shrink that won’t try to rape him. He has no means of getting mental health support or any support for that matter.”

Meg sighed as she sipped on her own coffee. Castiel knew she was a cold hearted woman. Anyone who worked this sort of job would get that way. She spoke calmly, “You can fight for this kid all day long but nothing is going to change. You can’t force him to go to therapy he can’t afford. He could apply for restitution but Campbell will likely fight him on it. Just let the kid live his life. Yeah, he could have been an amazing submissive but that’s not possible now.”

Castiel shook his head and stood up. He stared out the window of his office and asked, “Do you ever feel like sometimes we get some place to soon? I feel like I condemned this boy to suffer terribly for the rest of his life. If he had died, he wouldn’t be suffering like this. No amount of probation or prison will ever make up for what Sam will have to deal with for the rest of his life. I just pray that he can find peace.”

Meg shrugged and stated, “Perhaps the little tree toper will be okay. But you can always keep an eye on Campbell, if he is as bad as you think, he is bound to slip up again.”

++

Michael sat at breakfast across from his brother, Nick. His brother was out of jail on bond. Michael watched his brother eat in silence for a few moments. Then he said, “Nick, I know you’re guilty. I arranged to have Sam poisoned slowly over the course of a few weeks. He will die and after he is gone all you have do is keep your nose clean.”

Nick looked up from his breakfast and said firmly, “No, Sam is loyal to me. I do not wish for him to die.”

Michael could not understand Nick’s obsession with the boy. He sighed and said, “Nick as your big brother this is not up for negotiation. Sam already started drinking the poison. It is too late.”

Nick got up from the table and shouted, “You cannot take my Sam from me.” With that Nick stormed out of the dining room leaving Michael alone. Michael shook his head at his brother’s outburst and went back to eating his breakfast.


	38. Chapter 38

Gabriel was positioned on top of Sam and he was thrusting in and out. It felt nice. Sam’s body was lax under him. They hadn’t left the bed all morning. Sam woke him with a blow job which was disturbing but it turned into a nice massage after Gabriel told him he didn’t have to do that. Now, he was finally getting to fuck Sam into the mattress.

He liked looking at the skin on Sam’s back. There were a few scars scattering it but mostly Sam just looked pure. He liked that. Gabriel liked hearing the soft little grunts from Sam. It was nice, perfect even. Gabriel climaxed without warning and he sagged against the submissive. Sam for his part stayed still but his breathing was labored.

It wasn’t until Gabriel started to catch his breath that he heard Sam whisper, “Please Sir.”

Gabriel moved off of on top of Sam and he watched as Sam curled on his side away from him. Sam clutched his chest and seemed to be struggling for breath. Gabriel asked with concern, “Are you okay?”

Sam shook his head yes and responded mindlessly, “Yes sir, sorry for concerning you, sir. How may I be of service to you?”

That scared Gabriel. He rolled Sam over and looked at the submissive. He kissed Sam on the side of the face then he snaked a hand down to Sam’s penis. Sam was completely soft. There was no wetness to indicate Sam was ever aroused. There was no sign that Sam got any enjoyment from what they just did. Gabriel moved his hand away and asked, “Did you..” He paused and tried again, “You didn’t enjoy what we were doing.”

Sam frowned and said calmly, “If I pleased you then I am happy… content.”

Gabriel sighed and stated slowly, “I am very pleased with you, Sam. It would please me if you got off too. However, right now I think we could both benefit from food.”

Sam sat up and nodded, “I will fix you breakfast, sir. What would you like?”

Gabriel stared at Sam for a moment. Then he shook his head. He motioned toward the kitchen and said, “Eggs, toast, and fruit are fine.”

Sam pushed the blankets away from himself and swung his legs off the end of the bed. Sam whispered, “Is it okay if I put clothes on, sir?”

Gabriel thought his heart broke a little more with that question. He thought that he had already established that it was okay for Sam to wear clothes.

++

Nick was furious. He didn’t want Sam to die like that. He knew he could be losing his freedom and he was thinking irrationally. All Nick knew was Sam meant something to him which was bizarre because no one meant anything to him.

Still Nick called a stop to the poisoning of Sam. It was in the vitamins his brother was giving him and Nick arranged for someone to take them from the apartment. Nick knew Sam’s life would still be shortened and he would be plagued with illness for a time. But it would be better this way. He could still talk to Sam.

He made his way down to the basement and took out a ladder. Nick climbed the ladder and carefully moved aside one of the ceiling tiles. He pulled out a box of photographs. These were the pictures of Sam he never shared with the world. Nick sat down on a chair and started shifting through the photographs.

Nick noticed Sam changed in the photos. Sam lost what little baby fat he had followed by muscle. Sam’s hair became an untamed mess from lack of regular haircuts. Even Sam’s eyes changed. They were bright at first but overtime the dimmed.

Nick ran his fingers over one of the first photos he took of Sam. The boy was on his knees and naked. Nick had just came all over his face and in his hair. Sam’s eyes were red from getting some of Nick’s come in them, but even so Sam’s eyes were bright. He remembered Sam in those early days but he liked what he molded Sam into better. He just wished Sam would have kept some of his spark. All Nick knew was that Sam was everything a submissive should be.

++

Dean decided to drop in on Gabriel and Sam. It had been less than twenty-four hours but Dean was worried. He knocked on the door to Gabriel’s apartment and the dom answered. Dean smiled and said smoothly, “I wanted to make sure, Sammy, was doing okay.”

Gabriel nodded and let him in. Sam was sitting on the floor with his back pressed up against the back of the sofa. He was working on schoolwork as far as Dean could tell. Gabriel said softly, “He does better with direction and a firm hand. Sam focuses better on the floor. I was petting him before you stopped by.” Gabriel spoke a little louder, “Sammy, we have a guest. Your brother stopped by.”

Sam stopped doing his homework and looked their direction. Sam did not make eye contact which Dean let slide. Dean said kindly, “Heya Sammy, are you doing okay or do you want to go home?”

Sam looked up briefly and then away. He said softly, “You’re not real.”

Gabriel walked over to Sam and knelt down. He ran a soothing hand up and down Sam’s arms. Then he said carefully, “Sam, your brother Dean is really here. Do you want to say hello to him?”

Sam closed his eyes and shook his head no. He whispered out, “I don’t think Dean has ever been real.”

Dean’s heart shattered with that statement. He shook his head and blinked back tears. He was nothing to Sam. Dean sighed and said weakly, “I am going to go. Gabriel, please take care of Sammy.”

Dean left Gabriel’s apartment and wander the streets until he found his own crappy home. Dean packed his bags and the rest of Sammy’s belongings. It wasn’t much but Dean loaded everything into his car. He dropped off Sammy’s things with a note on Gabriel’s doorstep. Then for his own sanity he left.

There were a lot of things Dean Winchester could do in his life. One thing he could not do was watch his brother be reduced to nothing due to mental illness. Dean wanted to kill whoever did this to Sam. Nick Campbell was a dead man walking because as far as Dean was concerned Nick killed his baby brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things.
> 
> First, sorry it took over a month to update this. I got focused on writing the Case of Sam and I multitask story writing poorly. 
> 
> Second, you might notice there is comment moderation. You can thank the trolls for that. Please don't look at this as me saying I don't want comments. I love reading comments that aren't from trolls and sometimes they even inspire me. Therefore, if you feel so inclined you may comment and I will approve all non-troll comments as quickly as possible. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone for taking the time to read this. :)


	39. Chapter 39

Gabriel watched Sam carefully after Dean abandoned him. Sam didn’t say anything about it and Gabriel didn’t bring it up. Instead, he got Sam in to see the doctor and got him on medication for the hallucinations. He wanted Sam to see a therapist but the boy refused. For as broken as Sam was he still managed to be stubborn about somethings. It was cute and Gabriel liked it.

On the list of things Sam Winchester was stubborn about was spending money on himself. Gabriel wanted to buy Sam new clothes that weren’t from the secondhand store but Sam refused and said that he would save up money to buy new clothes. Sam insisted on paying half of the rent on the apartment with his small wage from working as a janitor and he paid for his own medication. In fact, Sam was fairly protective of his medication. He kept in a locked box at home that was tucked away under the bed. Sam also bought most of his own food and toiletries.

Gabriel knew that Sam didn’t want to be dependent on him. That was why Sam paid for things. Gabriel did pay for Sam’s doctor’s appointments behind Sam’s back. He got them to only charge Sam ten dollars then bill the rest to him. It was sneaky but Gabriel knew Sam would choose to go without going to doctor if he deemed he couldn’t afford it. The fact that the prescription medications were reasonably priced was godsend. He didn’t know how he could get around the cost of the medication if Sam was still insistent on paying his own way.

Still Gabriel wanted to marry Sam to put in on his insurance. He just wasn’t sure if Sam was ready to commit to that. More importantly, Gabriel wasn’t sure if Sam would be able to tell him no if he didn’t want to. Gabriel knew his whole reason for proposing lacked romance, but he wanted Sam to be in his life forever. Besides, most submissives never got romance. They got a life of servitude until they died.

Sam was in his classes when Gabriel heard a knock on his office door. He shouted, “Come in.”

Kali, his recent ex-wife, walked in the office wearing skimpy red dress. Gabriel felt his dick spring to life while he tried to will it down. Kali closed the door and went over to a chair and sat. She crossed her legs in a manner that Gabriel could only describe as seductive. Kali smirked and said softly, “Gabriel. Sir, I was wondering if you wanted to come home so we could be a family again.” Kali adjusted her boobs and gave Gabriel a better view.

Gabriel was having trouble with his self-control. Sam was okay in bed but he wasn’t an active participant. Sam just let Gabriel do whatever he wanted with him without complaint except that one time he didn’t use enough lube. Sam said something about that and there was the time Sam begged him not to fuck him because he was sore. Okay, so Sam did complain sometimes but it wasn’t often.

Kali was a goddess in bed which was something Sam was not. Kali was way out Sam’s league in that area. Gabriel knew he made a commitment to Sam not to share him, but Sam never specifically said that he should be monogamous. Gabriel was pretty sure that was implied by Sam’s request, but it was never specified and if Sam never found out about his hook up with Kali, he would be in the clear.

Gabriel felt his self-control wane and he stepped out from behind his desk. He stopped in front of his desk and crossed his arms. He stared down at Kali and said firmly, “I won’t go back to you but I can let you pretend for a short time.” Gabriel knew Kali would take the bait.

She smiled and slipped off her dress while she remained sitting. Her nipples were perk and she wasn’t wearing any underwear. Kali stood up and ran her hands down Gabriel’s shoulders as they started to kiss. Gabriel reached up his hands and touched her warm soft skin. Sam was always cold to the touch and his skin was firm. Gabriel could often feel Sam’s bones but that was getting more difficult as Sam gained weight.

Gabriel kissed Kali for a few moments. Then he spun her around so she was spread across his desk with her ass in the air. Gabriel wetted his fingers in his mouth and probed one finger inside of Kali. She moaned like a whore in church. Gabriel slapped her ass hard and said, “Hush, we can’t let anyone hear us.”

He worked two fingers in and he started to feel her getting wet. Gabriel withdrew his fingers and unzipped his pants. He pulled out his dick and spit in his hand. Gabriel used the spit to moisten his cock. Then he slowly entered Kali while he had a hand clamped over her mouth. Once he was fully seated, Gabriel took a deep breath. Then he set a hard pace.

Gabriel was just about over the edge when his office door flew open and he heard an excited voice, “Sir, I..” Gabriel looked and he saw Sam. Whatever Sam was excited about was gone. The paper Sam was holding dropped to the floor and tears formed in Sam’s eyes. Sam shook his head no and closed the door as he walked away.

Gabriel pulled out of Kali. He didn’t care that he was going to have serious case of blue balls. He had to find Sam. He cursed, “Shit. Kali get your clothes on and get the fuck out of here.”

Kali giggled and she slipped on her dress. She pecked him on the cheek and whispered. “I’ll be expecting you for dinner. It looks like you lost your boy toy.”

Kali left after that and Gabriel ran his hands through his hair and pulled. He had screwed up royally. Gabriel picked up the piece of paper Sam was so excited about. Sam had gotten a perfect score on his algebra test. He was having trouble with algebra and Gabriel had been tutoring him. Gabriel had no doubt Sam wanted to show off what he accomplished.

Gabriel sighed and sat the test down. He had to go find Sam and apologize. He knew this was probably going to turn into begging for forgiveness. That was okay though. He deserved whatever Sam threw at him.

++

Sam went home after he found Gabriel with another woman. He didn’t really know what to think. Sam also wasn’t sure what to do. He was dependent on Gabriel. Sam needed him to help pay the rent and so he could afford his medication. It was stupid and unfair but Sam knew that with the medication, he felt more like himself. It took more for him to feel excitement or sadness but he didn’t hear voices or hallucinate anymore. Sam didn’t want to lose that.

He knew he didn’t have any family or friends to turn to for support and he didn’t want to ask anyone for help anyways. Sam knew he didn’t have much of choice but to forgive Gabriel. He could forgive him for now until things got better and he could support himself. Sam felt selfish but he had no other choice. If he started hallucinating again, he could end up in a mental hospital and Sam remembered what they did to him there.

Sam cried because he loved Gabriel. He wanted Gabriel to be faithful to him and only want him. Sam wanted to be everything Gabriel needed in a partner but now Sam could see that wasn’t the case, at all. He didn’t know if he was good or bad in bed. Sam didn’t really understand how one would be good in bed. All Sam did was what Gabriel told him to do. He didn’t really enjoy the bedroom activities but Kali, she was moaning and Sam was certain she was thrusting back toward Gabriel. Sam never did those two things. He never felt the desire to take away from what his dominant was doing and he never moaned. Even when he came it was usually silent and Sam couldn’t climax from anyone else touching him. Sam had to touch himself.

Kali was probably better than him in bed, Sam decided. He wished he was a girl for a moment because then at least he could fake an orgasm. As a guy, he couldn’t do that. Gabriel would know he was full of shit. Sam didn’t know how to be better in bed without Gabriel telling him what to do. He felt angry because if Gabriel wanted him to moan and thrust then he would. Gabriel just had to train him on what he wanted him to do. Surely, Gabriel knew that a good sub wouldn’t do things like that without permission.

Sam shook his head and went over to the corner of the room and sat down on the floor. Sometimes, he missed his cage. He was safe in there. Sure, he was hungry, thirsty and covered in his own filth but Lucifer didn’t torture him in there. Sam didn’t understand why but the pain he felt inside now was worse than any torture Lucifer had ever done to him and Gabriel caused this pain.

Sam wasn’t sure how long he sat in the corner crying but eventually, Gabriel came home. He didn’t meet Gabriel’s gaze and Sam wondered what the hell Gabriel was doing when he knelt down on the floor by him and cupped his face. Sam found some strength inside himself and batted Gabriel’s hand away. He could smell Kali’s perfume on him.

Gabriel sounded distraught when he said, “I’m sorry, Sammy. I.. I wasn’t thinking.”

Sam felt fresh tears on his face as he stammered out, “I was supposed to be everything to you, but I’m not. I’m nothing. I’m worthless and stupid.” Sam sobbed. “I hate myself. You were the one good thing I thought I had but it was all lies. Why does everyone lie to me? I.. I try to be good and do as I am told but it is never enough. They always hurt me. You hurt me.”

Gabriel frowned and tried to joke. “Well, at least you aren’t getting beaten.”

Sam shook his head and whispered, “I would have rather been beaten than know you don’t love me.”

Gabriel saw this as his opening. He gently said, “I would never beat you. I promised you that, remember? And Sam, I do love you. You’re certainly not nothing. You are very important to me.”

Sam nodded and wiped away his tears. He choked out, “I remember. I remember also asking for us to be monogamous.”

Gabriel frowned and stated, “You asked not to be shared which I agreed to. You never asked for me to only sleep with you. If that is something that you want, I can make that commitment for you. I don’t need Kali or anyone besides you. I was just trying to blow off some steam.”

Sam leaned his head against the wall and whispered, “I.. On the list you had me fill out, this was on there.” Gabriel knew he was screwed now. He should have known better than to try to find a loophole.  However, before Gabriel could start apologizing Sam spoke again. “I’m sorry, I am not good enough. I would like another chance to prove to you I can be everything you need. I.. I just need you to tell me what to do. Anything, I will do it.”

Gabriel rested his forehead against Sam’s as he took a deep breath. He wasn’t losing Sam. He needed Sam. Sam babysat his daughter after school and in the mornings. He was the one that fixed her breakfast, helped with her homework, and honestly did everything. Gabriel needed Sam otherwise he would be paying a lot of money in daycare and maid service. He knew he would be looking at about a grand a month in additional expenses if Sam wasn’t in the picture and that didn’t count what Sam paid in on rent.

Gabriel doubted that he could be completely satisfied with Sam but it would cost him too much if he didn’t keep Sam. Deep down Gabriel loved Sam. He had from the moment he met the boy, but Sam couldn’t meet his sexual tastes. In every other area, Sam was amazing. Sam was sweet and kind. He often went without sleep to have everything in place to serve Gabriel. Sam was the image of the perfect submissive but in the bedroom Sam was empty.

He knew it was selfish and wrong. Gabriel knew he should let Sam go so he could find someone who would respect him and never cheat on him. But Gabriel couldn’t do that. He kissed Sam’s forehead and whispered, “You’re forgiven, Sam. I am going to go shower and while I do that I want you to get yourself ready so I can fuck you. Your hole is better than hers anyday.”

Sam whispered out a choked, “Yes sir.”

Gabriel stood and walked toward the bathroom. He knew he was using Sam and he prayed that Sam would forgive him. 


	40. Chapter 40

Sam promised himself he would do better. It sounded simple enough but it wasn’t. It was difficult and filled with long days. Sam went to class, did his homework, and his janitorial work. It was part time but the hours made for some late nights. Every morning Sam woke up at five a.m. It was earlier than what was expected of him with Lucifer. He showered and got ready for his day. Gabriel liked his hair long and it took time to make it look nice.  He had to be pleasing. He had to because if not Gabriel wouldn't want him and he knew he couldn't take care of himself.

Then he fixed breakfast for Gabriel and Claire. He helped Claire get ready for school. It was often a struggle because the child did not want to move in morning. More than once, Sam found himself yelling at her just to get her to get out of her pajamas and into her school clothes. It always took her no less than forty-five minutes to eat breakfast, even if it was just a bowl of cereal. He couldn’t risk being late for school. His college had an attendance policy if he missed too much school he could lose financial aid and receive an F in the class. Gabriel didn’t like him yelling at Claire, but Gabriel did nothing to help the situation and Sam had no idea how to care for a small child. He was holding on by a thread himself. He wished Gabriel would tell him what to do instead of being left to figure it out on his own.

After he got Claire to school, he went to college. His day consisted of class and studying in the library. At noon he had to deliver Gabriel’s lunch. It usually resulted in him on his knees or bent over Gabriel’s desk. Sam felt no pleasure from this. It was just another task on his list of things to do. Gabriel accommodated Sam not wanting to have sex in the mornings. Sex in the morning made Sam twitchy and an on edge toward anger. He wasn’t sure why that was.

After lunch, Sam had class on Tuesday and Thursday or he headed home. There he cleaned and worked on homework. He scrubbed the floors and vacuumed every day. He usually started to prepare dinner before he left to pick up Claire from school.

Once he was home with her, he helped her with her homework and spelling words as he tried to juggle dinner. Then at 5:45 when Gabriel got home from work, he would serve dinner. They would eat as a family in silence. Sam always got his plate last. He was always the one to grab sauces and seasonings he had forgotten to place on the table. He was always the first one done.

Sam did the dishes after dinner and then every week night, Sam went back to the college to clean from seven until ten or midnight. When he arrived home, sometimes Gabriel would want sex again, but not always. Sam cherished his time alone. He suspected Gabriel did too. He noticed that Gabriel liked to spend long hours staring at his computer. Sam didn’t know what Gabriel was doing. Sam always spent an hour working out before bed. He knew he had to look good for Gabriel. Sam feared that when he got old or if he got fat Gabriel wouldn’t want him anymore.

On the weekends, Sam worked a full eight hour shift on Saturday. Then on Sundays, Gabriel and he would have a prolonged sex session. It made him uneasy every time.  Gabriel had a thing with sweetly flavored lubricant and pouring different sugary substances on him. His dom also had what Sam could only describe as a quest to get him to orgasm. Sam rarely got hard during these times. It made Sam wonder if there was something wrong with him because he didn’t feel what his dom wanted him to feel.

Sam hoped that wouldn’t be why Gabriel had to find another submissive. He wanted to enjoy sex. He did. He really did. It was just anytime someone touched Sam the only thing he could think about pain, humiliation, and degradation. It wasn’t a particular memory or anything. It was just an all-encompassing feeling that washed over him. The result was he couldn’t get it up. Sam wondered if that made him less of a man or if maybe that was why he was a submissive in the first place. Sam didn’t know.

He knew he had to do better and Gabriel hated Lucifer. They had never met but Sam had talked about the man to Gabriel. Sam was forbidden from speaking with Lucifer but Sam longed to hear Lucifer’s voice. He didn’t really know why he wanted to hear Lucifer’s voice. Sam just wanted Lucifer to know he was okay and stuff. It was silly, but it was what he wanted.

That wasn’t what Gabriel wanted. Gabriel wanted Lucifer and his friends in prison. Sam wanted desperately to please Gabriel so that is how he found himself sitting across a table from Agent Castiel Novak on a Sunday morning while Claire and Gabriel were at church.

Sam didn’t look at the agent. He stared intently at his hands. It was a submissive gesture and one that bothered Gabriel. Gabriel would often force him to make eye contact. It physically hurt for Sam to do that and sometimes in his weaker moments a few tears would leave his eyes.

He listened as the agent asked calmly, “Sam, I want you to be frank about your sex life with Nick. Can you do that?”

Sam nodded then found his voice. It was a simple answer, “Yes.” Sam closed his eyes for a moment. He was so tired. He wished he could rest. He usually slept while Claire and Gabriel went to church. Sam never saw himself clean enough to go to church.

Sam heard Castiel writing down the answer as he asked, “Did Nick ever have other submissives at his home?”

Sam spoke softly, “Yes, he met them online on dating sites or whatever.” Sam took a steady breath as he willed himself not to remember.

Castiel asked what he feared, “Did you have sex with any of them?”

Sam nodded yes but didn’t speak.

Castiel wrote something down and asked, “Did you consent?”

Sam shook his head no and whispered, “They hurt me. It was my fault. I had no right to deny them.”

Castiel asked carefully, “Did you ask them to stop?”

Sam glanced at the door and whispered, “Once, but never again. I would beg inside my head for them to stop. I.. I wasn’t allowed a safe word so my words meant nothing and speaking without permission got me punished. It hurt less when I didn’t put up a fight.”

A sharp intake of air was heard from Castiel. Then a question, “How many other submissives?”

Sam frowned and said quietly, “I am not sure maybe a couple but less than six. I was drugged most of the time so it is a little fuzzy.”

“Did you have to do anything outside while you were there?”

Sam found that to be an odd question. He closed his eyes and said softly, “I had to dig a hole twice. Nick wanted it six feet deep. It took a long time but usually another slave helped.”

“What went in the holes?”

Sam shrugged, “I don’t know. I never filled in the holes. I assumed it was punishment. I was bad a lot and I’m not very pleasing.”

“Can you show me on a map where these holes are? I can get photos of the area in color.”

Sam frowned and said nervously, “It is where the composting piles are.”

++

Megan wasn’t sure how she felt about watching a couple guys in plastic suits dig up a large composting pile. She was certain Castiel was on a witch hunt. She was debating about throwing another apple core into the mix. That was until she caught sight of skull. She wasn’t on the forensics team but she knew a human skull when she saw one.

Meg pulled out her cell phone and called Castiel. He answered on the fourth ring, “This is Agent Novak.”

She smiled into her phone. “Clarence, your little grasshopper was right. We have a body.”

She heard Castiel breathe out a sigh of relief and then he said calmly, “Sam was very helpful today. He advised me that Nick often checked on something in the crawl space. Can you check that out?”

Meg shook her head and grinned, “Sure thing, I will get a search warrant for it.”

 


	41. Chapter 41

Sam sat on the floor of the bedroom he shared with Gabriel. He pulled out his medication box along with a bag of medication that Dean threw in with his belongings. Gabriel had Sam go to the doctor and get prescription medication so he hadn’t used anything from Dean since he came here. His script for vitamins didn’t have a refill on it and the doctor said he should be okay to use over the counter ones now. At the time, Sam was a little underweight and had some vitamin deficiencies.

Sam glanced at the bottle of vitamins Dean had bought him. It was gummies because Sam was certain that in Dean’s mind he was still a child. He figured he should use those up first. Sam opened the bottle and carefully put one gummy in his daily pill case. He had am and pm drugs and he liked to keep everything separated out so he would remember to take everything. If he didn’t, Sam feared the voices would start up again.

He carefully put away his pill case when he was done. Sam sat his evening pills to the side and frowned when he looked at the stupid gummy vitamin. It reminded him of Dean and Sam did miss his brother. He didn’t like the way they left things. Sam wasn’t even sure what he said or did to cause Dean to kick him out. He knew Dean didn’t live at the apartment anymore and neither did their dad.

Sam wished he knew what he did wrong. He knew he was having trouble understanding what was real and what wasn’t. Sam knew he probably said something but he didn’t know what. His mind played tricks on him a lot back then. Sam wondered if he should call Dean or their dad. He felt like he should but Sam just didn’t know what to say. Sam bit his lip and he picked up the cell phone his dad provided for him. He never used it before.

He sniffled a little as he scrolled through the numbers on the phone. There was Uncle Bobby, Pastor Jim, Dad, and of course, Dean. It was all the people Sam knew he could call if he was in a bind. Sam hoovered over the contact labeled Dad for a moment. Then he pressed call. The phone rang loudly in his ear and Sam had to take deep breaths to calm his panic.

Sam wasn’t sure if he was happy or sad when his dad answered. He sounded good and maybe a little excited, “Sammy, how are you son?”

Sam leaned up against the wall in the bedroom. He said quietly, “I’m good.”

His dad didn’t buy that for a minute. “You don’t sound good, Sammy. How are the voices?”

Sam frowned a little. He didn’t like talking about that but it made sense that his dad would want to know about that. John was his parent after all. Sam sighed a little and said softly, “Better. Gabriel had me go to the doctor and I am on medication for that. It got adjusted a few times but I am feeling a lot better. I can tell what is real and what isn’t.”

John was silent on the other end of the line for a moment then he clarified, “But you’re still seeing and hearing voices? Namely those of Dean, your mother, and I.” Sam sniffled a little at this dad’s words and John quickly added, “Sammy, it is okay if you are. You know I love you no matter what and I know you’re trying. I am so proud of you.”

Sam admitted carefully, “Sometimes, I guess. If I am tired or if I forget to take my medication. It is only voices though and I am not seeing people anymore. I.. I guess that is good.”

Sam thought he could see his father’s smile on the other end of the line, “That is great, Sammy. Is Gabriel taking good care of you?”

It took him a moment to think about that question. Sam accounted for what he had. He had a place to stay, food, and Gabriel said he was loved. Granted, sleep was something he felt he could use more of but overall Gabriel provided for him. Sam smiled slightly, “Yeah, he’s good to me. Sometimes, I worry that I am not pleasing.” Sam paused and asked, “Dad, how did you get Dean and me to move in the morning? Claire, Gabriel’s daughter.. She just takes forever to do everything.”

John chuckled a little and said calmly, “I had you get dressed and get ready to leave the motel or wherever we were staying first. If you piddled around, you lost your chance for breakfast. Then when breakfast was served you had a set amount of time. Once you could tell time, I would tell you that you had ten minutes or whatever. After that ten minutes, you were done eating as far as I was concerned. I think Dean went to school hungry once because of that. You were much more interested in getting first pick on cereal so I never really had that issue with you.”

Sam filed that piece of information away for future use and he hoped he could do something like that with Claire so maybe the mornings wouldn’t be as stressful. Sam hoped that if Claire could listen then maybe he could sleep in until 5:30 instead of having to get up at five. Sam didn’t know but he knew he could use the extra thirty minutes. Sam said quietly, “Thanks, Dad.”

John sound reassuring, “It is no problem, Sammy. Look, I have to go but I am going to be by next weekend. Can you see if I can crash at Gabriel’s apartment?”

Sam nodded then found his voice, “I am sure it will be fine but I will ask for permission just to be sure.”

++

Castiel grinned like an idiot when the district attorney’s office finally delivered the papers. Nick Campbell was charged with two counts of second degree murder. It was a lesser charge than what Castiel wanted but he would take it. Nick was charged with pornography related charges regarding Sam Winchester. This case broke open because of Sam and Castiel was grateful for it.

He picked up a photograph of Sam and he pinned it to the board in his office. It was a reminder. It reminded him of the kids he was able to help. Granted, he wasn’t the one the take Sam home. He didn’t rescue Sam. Sam found his own way out. Sam was free now. However, Sam made sure no one else would get hurt and that was something worth being reminded about.

Castiel took out two other photographs and pinned them to the wall. One was of a girl named Ava and the other a boy named Jake. Castiel didn’t get to return those children to their parents alive, but he got to give the families closure. At least, they knew what happened. It would never bring their children back but it ended the waiting and not knowing. They were able to give their children a proper burial. They were no longer hidden and forgotten to the world under a compost pile.

He stepped away from the wall to look at all the faces of the children he either helped or failed to help. Castiel hoped he did the right thing for each of them. He hoped that each of them found peace either in Heaven or in the arms of their parents.

Castiel was pulled from his thoughts by a knock on the door. He turned around and saw Michael Campbell. Castiel frowned slightly and asked, “Is there something I can help you with?”

Michael stepped in the room and closed the door behind him. He ran his hands through his hair and said desperately, “Cas, I need your help to get Nick off. He’s my baby brother and he doesn’t deserve this.’

Castiel sat down on his chair and studied Michael. He said simply, “I am sorry, Michael. I truly am. However, it is up to the courts to decide Nick’s guilt or innocence.”

Michael groaned and snapped, “Why are those kids so important to you? They are submissives. No one cares. They are invisible to the world. Half of them literally walk two steps behind their dominant. There have been zero instances of subs accomplishing anything.”

Castiel picked up an ink pen and played with it for a moment. Then he said calmly, “I suppose it is my job to give a voice to the voiceless. They may all be insignificant and if given the choice they would have lived their life in their dom’s shadows. However, some of them got that choice taken away from them.”

++

Claire eyed Sam as she was supposed to be working on her homework. Her goal was simple. She wanted to make Sam leave so her mommy would come live with them again. Claire knew her plan wasn’t working but Sam looked tired. She started doodling on her paper instead of doing her homework. She hoped it would get Sam punished by her daddy later.

She smirked as she drew and she didn’t see Sam come up to her. He said shortly, “Claire, stop drawing on your paper. The sooner you get it done; the sooner you can go play.” Claire rolled her eyes and Sam sighed, “You have three more math problems. I spoke to your dad and if those aren’t done by the time he gets home you’re going to be in trouble.”

Claire shrugged and disregarded Sam. She went back to doodling on her paper and Sam went back to cooking dinner. Eventually, the table was set and Claire promptly knocked all the silverware to the center of the table while Sam greeted her daddy at the door. She hated Sam sometimes.

When the two men walked into the room, Clair pretended to be working on her homework. Sam sounded frustrated, “Claire, why did you mess up the table settings?”

Claire shrugged and said manipulatively, “Daddy, why does he always blame me for things?”

She watched her daddy with wide eyes. He pitched the bridge of his nose and said with some strain, “Claire, I am going to give you one chance to tell the truth. If you don’t and I will know you’re lying, you will be going to bed early.”

Claire slammed her pencil down and said angrily, “So I did it. He wouldn’t let me play. He said I had to do my homework.”

She watched her daddy carefully as he said, “Did it occur to you that if you had listened to Sam, you could be playing with your toys right now? But instead, we are talking about this. I am disappointed in you, Claire. Reset the table while Sam serves dinner and apologize to him.”

Claire burst into tears and sobbed, “But he caused Mommy to leave. I hate him. Mommy said he is worthless and stupid.”


	42. Chapter 42

Sam hadn’t been feeling well the last few weeks. He figured it was the letters he received in the mail. Court dates had been set for Azazel and Nick. Sam didn’t know if he would be called to testify or not, but the district attorney told him that unless a plea was reached he would be. Sam explained that he couldn’t afford to go up there and they promised to cover his expenses.

Still, it wasn’t comforting for Sam. It was embarrassing and if he had to testify then everyone would know it was him that the newspapers talked about. Sam had no idea how he could face anyone ever again. It was one thing to tell his dad and Gabriel what the charges were. It was a completely different thing to go into explicit detail about it and have that published in the media for the entire world to see. Sam shivered when he realized ten years from now someone could pull that article when he applied for a job somewhere. It would never escape him and people would always know. He would always be labeled as the sex slave, even if Sam didn’t feel that describe him.

Sam ran a clammy hand over his face. It was sticky with sweat. Sam glanced at the red lights on Gabriel’s alarm clock. It was 4:45 am. Sam knew he might as well get up and start his day. He noticed that he wasn’t feeling well as he stood up. Still Sam wandered his way to the bathroom. For some reason, he felt the need to sit to pee.

He was eternally grateful that he did too. It burned and Sam nearly cried out in pain but he stopped himself. Lucifer had trained him better than that. Sam took a few deep breaths after he finished peeing. His skin felt clammy to the touch. He washed his hands and fumbled around the medicine cabinet until he found a thermometer.

Sam carefully washed the thermometer and then he placed it in his mouth. He sat down on the toilet as he waited because he was feeling a little light headed. After what felt like an hour, it beeped and Sam looked at his temp. He was at 104. Sam knew he had to wake Gabriel so Gabriel could make sure he wasn’t hallucinating or something.

Sam shuffled his way back into the bedroom. It was now 5:05 am. Sam didn’t realize he spent so much time in the bathroom. He knew he needed to start getting ready for his day. Still, Sam touched Gabriel’s shoulder and his voice cracked from the pain in his abdomen when he said, “Sir?”

Gabriel’s eyes opened a little blurrily then he reached out toward Sam and said tiredly, “What’s up, Samshine? Are you okay?”

Sam frowned a little said, “No, I..I don’t feel good, Sir.”

Sam felt Gabriel’s hands on him as Gabriel sat up in bed. He said swiftly, “You’re burning up. Lay down and I am going to check your temperature.”

Sam let Gabriel check him over while he stared at the clock and watched the minutes tick by. It was 5:35 by the time Gabriel got done. Sam was confused because Gabriel was tucking in the blankets around him. Sam started to sit up to get out of bed when Gabriel pushed him back down to the mattress. Sam said desperately, “Sir, I need to get up. I still have to get ready for school, fix breakfast for you, and get Claire ready for school.”

Gabriel gently brushed Sam’s hair out of his face and said firmly, “You’re off duty. You’re staying right here in this bed. At eight, we can call and see if we can get you into the doctor today.”

Sam closed his eyes and relaxed with the notion of having a day off but he didn’t have it in his budget to go to the doctor. He shook his head no and stammered, “I can’t go to the doctor. I don’t have enough money. It is probably just a UTI. I just need some cranberry juice. I’ll be fine.”

Gabriel sighed and rested a hand in Sam’s hair. It felt nice and Sam felt loved and maybe even cared for in this moment. Then Gabriel blurted out, “Marry me.”

Sam was confused and more than a little stunned. He asked with uncertainty, “What?”

Gabriel cupped Sam’s face and forced eye contact. It hurt to look into Gabriel’s golden brown eyes, but he did. It was what Gabriel wanted. Through the pain, Sam heard the passion in Gabriel’s voice. “Marry me, Sam. I can get you on my insurance and you won’t have to worry about not being able to go to the doctor. Let me take care of you.”

Sam frowned and thought. This was not at all how he pictured his wedding proposal to go. He knew subs didn’t propose the dominant did. Sam was just expecting something to woo him a little. Maybe he did want a little romance in his life, but he had never had romance. All he had was service and submission. Still Sam knew in his heart what the correct answer was, “If it pleases you, Sir. I would be honored to be your husband.”

Gabriel grinned and kissed Sam gently on the lips. He said happily, “Good. We will get married today and you will go to the doctor today.”

Sam nodded his head in understanding but inside Sam wasn’t feeling so certain. He wanted a wedding, as cheesy as that was. He wanted his dad and Dean to be there. He wanted their family and friends to be there. But Sam knew he wouldn’t get any of that. He would however get a dominant and a husband. Marriage would make it legal for Gabriel to beat him with a rod no thicker than his thumb. Sam couldn’t help but wonder if that was the real reason why Gabriel wanted a marriage. .

++

_Nick listened to Sam beg on his knees, “Please Master, I.. I just want someone to talk to. I don’t see anyone but you on a daily basis. All I am asking is for you to talk to me for fifteen minutes a day. Is that too much to ask?”_

_Nick was irritated by Sam’s request. He would not tolerate Sam making demands of him and of his time. He snapped a Sam, “Yes.” Sam cowered away from him and that pleased him greatly. Nick grabbed Sam by the arm and dragged the boy to his cage. This way Sam could think about what such requests cost him._

Nick was startled awake from his memories by the lights flickering on in his jail cell. He rolled over on his back and stared at the ceiling. Nick felt regret for the way he treated Sam. He still didn’t think he was to blame for the mental health issues Sam had to live with. Nick suspected they were always there and just became more prominent as the boy got older. He doubted that talking to Sam for a few minutes every day would have saved him from mental illness.

He didn’t think that Sam’s suffering at the present time had anything to do with him. What he did to Sam was wrong, not that he would ever admit that in court. However, Nick didn’t feel like he owed Sam anything. He didn’t think he needed to be prison for what he did to Sam or others. Yes, he killed people and he enjoyed it, but their lack of life shouldn’t mean the remainder of his life was to be spent behind bars and locked inside a cage.

Nick sighed and got up as the door to his cell clicked open. He was at the local jail awaiting trial after the bodies were found. Bond was denied so he was stuck here. Most of the inmates here were in for petty crimes like robbery or unpaid traffic tickets. Some were in for drugs offenses and assault charges. He was the only one in the local jail for rape and murder. Needless to say, Nick’s stay in jail was hard. He did have his own cell because of his offenses.

He made his way down the corridor to line up like sheep for breakfast. A group of the other inmates surrounded him and the leader who was a squirrelly looking guy with a British accent asked, “So you like to rape and kill children?”

Nick glared at the guy and shoved him. He said coldly, “They were teenagers and hardly children. They knew what they were getting themselves into no matter how dumb they want to play now.”

The man smiled and brushed himself off. He snapped his fingers and Nick was held in place by two of men. The British man said smoothly, “Pushing around teenage boys and girls is easy. Pushing around me is not.” The asshole nodded then Nick felt pain explode in his sides. He noticed that he wasn’t getting hit in the face. The hits were centering on the middle. It was probably to hide marks from the guards. After a couple minutes the hitting stopped and Nick slumped against the wall. His ribs ached and it hurt to breathe.

Nick coughed and stammered out, “You think you’re tough? You’re not. You have to have your bitches do your work for you.”

The asshole laughed and said happily, “They aren’t my bitches. They think you’re a monster just as much as I do. Let me tell you something, Nick Campbell, this is known as the crossroads inside the jail. It is where the two corridors meet. I run this area. To pass through to get your food, I will inflict an injury on you that you inflicted on one of your victims.”

Nick held a hand to the center of his chest and asked dumbly, “What?”

The asshole smiled and said with pride, “You broke one of your victim’s ribs so I broke a couple of yours. I know you liked to starve your victims but I won’t be that cruel. You can eat if you suffer first.”

Nick stood and said dismissively, “You can’t do this.”

The man shrugged and said, “Watch me.” Nick watched them walk away and as he did the asshole patted a guard on the shoulder. The guard turned and made eye contact with Nick, but did nothing to help him. It was that moment when Nick knew this was going to be a challenge.

++

Sam was feeling dizzy. They had just left the courthouse with a marriage license and they were on the way to some chapel to get it signed. Sam grimaced at himself. He never expected himself to be wearing jeans and a ratty t-shirt on his wedding day. Sam closed his eyes and drifted off on the drive. He was so tired and he hurt so badly.

When they arrived at the chapel, Sam was led inside by Gabriel. He said nothing as the money was exchanged. Sam felt like he was trading his life away. Gabriel was talking to the minister about something. Sam wasn’t sure what but the pain and dizziness got the best of him and he sat down on the pew.

Gabriel ran a hand through Sam’s hair and said gently, “Samshine, do you think you can stand for the ceremony? It will be short. I promise. Once we are done here all I need to do is stop by HR at work to get you added on to my insurance then I can take you to the doctor.”

Sam nodded blankly and stood. He could care less about insurance or any of that. He just wanted to lay down and never wake up. The minister spoke the standard lines that Sam didn’t listen to. He didn’t care. He just wanted this to be over.

Finally it got to the vows and Sam repeated, “I promise to love, obey, and serve Gabriel throughout my life without question and to hold him in the highest regard above all else including myself.”

Sam closed his eyes and swayed a little as Gabriel spoke, “I promise to cherish, love, and protect Samuel throughout my life and to always hold his submission to me in high regard.” Once Gabriel finished speaking Sam’s knees buckled but Gabriel caught him. Gabriel chuckled a little as he lowered him to the floor for the rest of the ceremony. Gabriel whispered in Sam’s ear, “I am already protecting you.”

Sam didn’t have anything to say to that. They shared their first kiss as a married couple sitting on the dusty floor of chapel because he didn’t have the strength to stand. Sam didn’t think this was a good start to married life. Still, he wished his family could have been there.  


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All things must come to an end.

Life was never fair for Sam Winchester. He got to keep his last name so that was something meaningful to him. He was still a Winchester. It was just Sam didn’t feel like much of a person anymore. His kidneys were failing. Sam thought he was too young to have to face this but he wasn’t.

Life now consisted of dialysis twice a week, a catheter, and a slew of medication. He was dying. The doctors didn’t tell him in so many words but Sam knew. He could feel it. Sam had to quit school and work. Each day he felt himself getting progressively weaker. Each day it seemed like he spent more and more time in bed.

Gabriel was there of course. He whispered sweet nothings to Sam about how he was loved and Sam let himself believe the words. He still had things he wanted to do in life but Sam was starting to wonder if he would ever get to accomplish those things.

Plea deals were reached with Lucifer, Azazel, and everyone else involved. Sam never bothered to write a victim’s statement. He knew he meant nothing to them. He knew better than to think they couldn’t harm anyone else. He knew life didn’t work so the victims were on top. The victim always ended up on the bottom and Sam found there to be a beautiful irony in that.

It was a Tuesday morning when they told him. Gabriel had called his dad and Dean. They were all there surrounding his bedside at home when the hospice nurse came. Sam saw his father cry for the first time in his life that day. He wondered if he meant something to his father. Dean left the room in what Sam could only describe as anger. He wondered if he meant nothing to his brother.

Sam stopped dialysis because he didn’t see the point in prolonging his death. He made peace with the things he would never accomplish and the person he would never become. Sam told himself that he had done a lot in his life. He got a GED and he got married. He got to be a brother and a son. He got to travel the country with his family. It was a good life. A short life but a good life.

It was a Saturday evening when Sam watched his mother enter his bedroom. No one else was there. They went out for dinner and said they would bring him something back. Sam smiled at his mom. He watched his mother reach out a hand toward him and say softly, “Sammy, it is time for you to go home.”

This time Sam reached for her hand and didn’t pull away. He felt pain and his world faded into white for a moment. Then he was standing in his bedroom next to his mom. Sam looked down at his own body on the bed and asked, “Am I dead?”

Mary smiled and wrapped her arm around him. Her voice was kind, “Yes Sammy, no one can hurt you anymore.”

Sam shrugged, “I don’t think they will miss me. I was nothing to them.”

As Mary led Sam to the light, he spared one last look at his body. Then he prepared himself for what was to come.

++

John and Gabriel planned Sammy’s funeral for Tuesday morning. One week from the day they all heard the news. John was grateful Sammy didn’t suffer long. It was a small funeral. An unknown man walked up to John and said kindly, “I am sorry for your loss.”

John couldn’t smile. He wiped his tears and said in his sorrow. “Sammy was my baby boy. Him and his brother… They are everything to me. I feel like I lost half of who I am.”

There were so many things John wished he did differently with Sam. He wished he would have told Sam that he loved him and that he mattered. It was too late now. He had lost his chance.

++

Before they closed the casket, Gabriel gave Sam one last kiss to the forehead. He touched Sam’s hair lightly and he whispered, “I love you, Sammy. You showed me how not to be a selfish dick bag. I know we didn’t have much time together but you’re everything to me and someday, I will see you again.” Gabriel wiped away his tears and croaked out, “My Samshine, it’s time to shine in Heaven.”

++

Dean watched the gravediggers fill Sam’s grave with dirt. He watched them leave then he approached Sam’s grave. He knelt down in the dirt and cried. He screamed and sobbed until he couldn’t anymore. A steady stream of, “Why?” And “Please take me instead,” fell from Dean’s lips. No one answered Dean’s pleading.

His pleading turned to anger and Dean beat the ground. He cried out in anger, “Why did you leave me, Sammy? You left me with nothing. I failed at looking out for you.”

++

Castiel took down the photo of Sam Winchester that he pinned to his wall. As he tossed it in his desk, Meg strode into his office with a file. She flopped it down on his desk and declared, “Your boy Sam Winchester was poisoned.”

He stared at the photo of the boy and asked rhetorically, “He was murdered.”

Meg nodded and confirmed, “It would appear so.”  

Castiel picked up the photo of Sam and he couldn’t help but wonder if Sam’s involvement in the case cost the boy everything. Castiel closed his eyes. He wished he was an angel that would mend the sick and right the wrongs. But he wasn’t, he was just a man that failed at everything and protected nothing.


End file.
